Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
What are your triggers that make your gut and intuition go into hyper mode a year or more after DDay? My CS met his AP exactly two years ago today and usually she rears her ugly head at this time every year posting crap on fb and stuff and as this day approaches I feel I'm easily triggered into worry and over-analyzing everything about our relationship currently.
I know the affair is over and it ended on DDay but anniversary's of any kind tend to make me ruminate and worry all over again. So my question to all of you is this...If you ignored all your alarms, gut feelings, intuition during the time of the affair how do you now, when you are trying to be hyper vigilant in listening to your inner self, differentiate between your flashbacks getting the better or you OR a true valid reason to worry? CS and I have discussed this all within the past 24 and he is begging me to tell him anything he can do to ease my concerns but we all know there is nothing specific he can do, unless of course there is a time machine I am unaware where all of this can be undone?
I know the affair is over and it ended on DDay but anniversary's of any kind tend to make me ruminate and worry all over again. So my question to all of you is this...If you ignored all your alarms, gut feelings, intuition during the time of the affair how do you now, when you are trying to be hyper vigilant in listening to your inner self, differentiate between your flashbacks getting the better or you OR a true valid reason to worry? CS and I have discussed this all within the past 24 and he is begging me to tell him anything he can do to ease my concerns but we all know there is nothing specific he can do, unless of course there is a time machine I am unaware where all of this can be undone?
I think for me the triggers are not time related as they are situational related. Usually if she is being evasive over things or if she is making a point that she needs to focus on herself more than the family or our relationship.
The difference is gut feelings are usually based on something, like awareness of extended contact with a particular woman, or a change in their behavior, or their reaction when you ask them if anything is going on. (Most people who are not guilty don't respond with anger, over the top denial, accusations of not trusting them, making too big a deal out of it, etc.) Your gut will respond with a feeling of "something's not right here" based upon subtle changes like those.
Triggers don't have any such basis. It is just fear triggered by events like anniversaries, seeing a car like they used, having sex, etc.
For instance, a few months after my dday, I awoke on a Saturday morning to discover my wife was not in bed. I searched the house but couldn't find her. Her car was gone. I knew she didn't have a job to go do. I could find no note telling me where she went.
I found myself thinking, "What if she sneaked out to meet him?" I had no reason to suspect that was the case. No signals that she had taken any steps back. My gut didn't warn me that something was wrong. It was just fear of it happening again triggered by her being gone when I didn't expect it. I knew there was no logical reason to suspect she' do it.
When she returned, I discovered she'd run to the store to pick up something for breakfast we needed. She thought she'd run out quick while I slept to get it. She apologized for not leaving a note and promised to avoid doing that again. She's stuck to that.
Oh and we traded in his car last summer, that constant reminder in the driveway was not healthy for either of us.
And for those of us that have kids, it is a good experience for them to see and understand that not everything is perfect all the time, and something that if they have similar issues later in life we have been there and we are there for them.