The way I see it, this is a horrible thing that has happened. We did not ask for it; we do not deserve it, yet we are stuck dealing with it.

Why would we not have bad days?

Of course, it's normal.

Tell your spouse and ask for comfort. That's what I do. He has to be the one to help you heal.

And be good to yourself.

What dal said. Spot on.

Absolutely it is "normal" I am two years into it and what you type could have been straight from my keyboard word for word, well except for what happened, hers was more like a 2 long term affairs and a few ons to try to make those long termers jealous. Anyway it has been just over 2 years for me and yeah everything you said is normal, I think for the situation, the more that happened as far as the extent of the affairs and betrayal the longer it will take and I expect it to take me, oh I dont know maybe forever, lets hope not. I still think often about walking out and yes find myself thinking about a new life with someone else, which is strange territory for me because I never once even had the slightest thought about such a thing before. I just remind myself, why wouldn't I have those thoughts, and there are reasons why I have chosen to stay so far that I cant just forget. Its not easy to not let the thoughts of a new life take over and certainly not easy at all to trust and move forward. I am trying to accept that it will never be what it was, or rather what I thought it was, and it is tough living day to day, but it will get better eventually. Good luck know that what your experiencing is pretty normal I think and there are just going to be those days that you are all over the map so much you dont know where you are.

I think that some of the results of cheating are permanent. I mean, what's likely to change that?

I absolutely think some of the results of cheating are permanent. It has been over a year since I found out and there are days that I still obsess about it. It affected my self-esteem and my trust in others. I trusted this person to my very soul. I never thought he would do this, it was never his nature. Little did I know.

It feels like I could have written it.....

Yes, cheating has permanently affected my life. Not just my marriage. I literally look at people and wonder - are you cheating or are you being cheated on? Or perhaps are you one of those rare specimens that happen to escape this fate? Sometimes I have to stop myself from approaching a man (that I put my money on, IS a cheater) and asking "is she your wife or are you just f..... her?"

It affected my trust in people in general. The knowledge I have, the awareness how prevalent infidelity is. How mean and inconsiderate people can be. How inviting and approving society as a whole is of cheating.... I am never going to be the same person. And it is not a good thing in this case....

Ha I do the same thing all the time and though I was crazy for doing it, its good to see that it has affected others the same way. I am so much more aware of it now. its like I'm on high alert for everywhere I go. I find myself hearing about cheating and loathing the cheater but then stop myself and say, wait a minute I am still with my wife who cheated on me, how can I judge these other people then. Whats funny is that in my job I deal with cheating all the time. I guess I just lived in a "me and them" world where I thought I was immune to it, well I knew that I was immune to cheating, it never crossed my mind to the point where I began to wonder what was wrong with me to not even think about it, but a relationship involved two so I was only 50% immune I guess.

And yes I now see just how prevalent and acceptable it is in society and it drives me crazy to hear all the guys joke about it all the time like its cool or funny. I wish I still was just living in my own world where I didn't notice that stuff as much and thought I was immune lol but at least I'm no longer naive right.

If you look at other recovery boards you will see a common theme of hitting another low around the two year mark. I know I did and can attest for other friends who have. It had a "is this it? Is this as good as it gets?"

There was a lot of thinking about walking out the door. But I never hit that point where I knew for certain that I was done. Around 2.5 years there was another shift. This of course was with a supportive CS who was working at the marriage as well.

My advice is if you still aren't completely ready to throw in the hat, keep on keeping on.

Don't feel alone here. I'm 20 months out and experiencing the same dispair today. If you read my journal entry from today it's dead on with what you say. Hang in the there.. We are here for you

Thanks all.....sometimes I think I am nuts and should have moved on whether I stayed or not. I was really having some good months then bam I am obsessing and depressed. I am not glad that u all have experienced this but glad that I am not crazy!

I am only 4 1/2 months past d day, and am struggling daily. Some still more than others, and thinking I should be further down the road or recovery, getting impatient with myself. Reading these posts I know I need to prepare myself for the long haul regardless of whether my marriage survives, so thank you for this topic hdp10.