Give her a deadline to collect ALL of her stuff in one go...No more backwards and forwards as she pleases at YOUR expense...

Get all her stuff out off your house and her out of your life.
You sound like a nice guy.
Don't keep letting her screw with your head.

as you know mick my situation is very similar my hubbys up n down from the house almost daily ,only my enemy is the internet ,wish i knew how to destroy their pcs from mine ,,he was all nicey nicey saying we needed to go get our daughters birthday present so it was agreed we would go sunday,all his stuffs still here ,most of his clothes are here and comes to get changed and leaves his dirty clothes here (which are piling up cos im not washing them) he went up to get another t shirt n then said he was going hed see me tomorrow and left ,when i went past his pc i noticed his webcam missing ,he must have wrapped it in his tshirt and sneaked it out ,just like a kid ,i was fuming ,he keeps telling me hes not bothered bout this woman but still going to other side of world for the job she says she can get him and somewhere to stay but just he sneaks up and does crafty things like that , its mental torchure ,its driving me nuts ,it hurts like hell everytime i see him

Mick - I know it can be human nature to expect the worst - but that text message could have been from anyone....friend, family member, work mate.........anyone. It could have been a message from her service provider.... Don't go upsetting yourself - by imagining the worst. Hang in there.

Hairymick, you hurt because you trusted. You, like me, probably beleived if things in your relationship ever got bad they would actually talk to us honestly. You probably never fathomed the absolute childishly immature behavior that often is displayed by a cheater. You also never fathomed that she would be a cheater. My XH had such contempt for people who cheated. He found their actions disgusting. I watched him support a friend and neighbor whose wife cheated on him before they eventually split up. I listed to my XH and how angry he was at this man's wife for doing this to his friend. He witnessed the crushing of aa human soul that only a trusted partner has the power to do.
I never beleived he would do that to me. I truly beleived he would take the honorable road and end things with us decently, take time for himself to figure out where his head was at and then find someone new if it ever came to that. I didn't think it would because I knew deep in my heart and soul that he loved me. He still does I guess which is why he gets so riled concerning me. Someone past me and who didn't care wouldn't have a thought or emotion for me at all.
We trusted the way husband's and wives should trust. We gave them our hearts the way husband's and wives are supposed to give them. That is why it hurts so much and why we get so angry at things as we heal. That is why we need places like this with others in the same boat to vent to, in posts and journals.
I agree with the others to try to limit contact as much as possible and don't try to imagine who is calling/texting her. It will drive you crazy and thus far she has proven she isn't worth it. Doesn't make it hurt any less, I know.
Get drunk if you need to but don't make it a habit. It will slow your recovery and total recovery is where we all want to be.
(((HUGS))) to you Hairymick. You have a lot of us in your corner and we are sorry you are going through this.

Hello Mick
What a rotten way to feel but at least you're in touch with your feelings instead of ignoring them and although this is torture, in the long term it will help I can assure you.
I have to agree that you must give Robin a deadline as to when she can collect all of her belongings. I know it's not easy but you need to break all contact with her. Don't allow her to manipulate you any further.
I can understand you thinking the worst when her phone went off, on our very bad days we can only see negatives.
Whatever she may think of you, I can safely say through reading most of your posts, that you are far from an idiot.
This hurt is unbearable but we have to keep going and believe me with time it will get easier even though you can not see this right now.
I think we've all probably felt like hand grenades in our moments of anger and rage, I have anyway.
No-one can make this situation go away but as always you always have the support of your friends here.
Try to do something to take your mind off it so that you don't get too stressed and I hope for whatever reason that you day gets a little brighter.
God bless
A

Hey Mate,
Mick, I totally agree with Affable about the time-line in which she needs to pick up ALL of her belongings. These are excuses to get together with you, as well as after thoughts which indicates the more she takes out of the house, the more her heart is leaving with the physical stuff.
Her original reason, "to find herself", is what we all have heard so often and know so well. Remember what I said, mate. Hard to hear, yet most likely very true: She's trying this single lifestyle on for size, she's trying another relationship on for size, she's trying his _____ on for size, enough of this bullshit!!! If you continue to pine for her, and let her come over any time she has a problem, (like the work situation recently), she knows she has your heart in a vice. She is apparently an egocentric bitch, who is puttin her needs, dreams, desires and all above you, her loving husband.

As stated before, spouses do this stuff, because they know "they can". They know their husbands will be there unconditionally, no matter how hard they squeeze that vice on your heart. Why do you continue to let her paralyze your heart, and put you on hold???

Some of the things she is requesting are simply ridiculous:
1. Continue to wear your wedding band.
2. Don't date anyone.
3. Be there for her phone calls, texts,and the ability to come "home" whenever she wants.
4. Be there for her problems in all arenas, & to be her friend. This is the same exact one that DadWithHopes Exw wanted.

These self-serving women, sit on the fence, try their new life on for size, and expect that their old comfortable, safe, husbands, will be there through thick and thin. Robin refuses to communicate the truth, and wants to be a "mystery" wife. She is not behaving as a wife in any way, shape, or form.

Bottom line, as we discussed should be: give her just a little more leeway in terms of time, as obviously you are giving her carte blanche with times, visits, calls, supports, and all this other shit!!!

Insist she come clean, and if she refuses, close that fricken door, and quit letting it open & close as per her needs, confusion, her other "man". C'mon, let's be real, why would any wife leave unless there was someone on the other side of the fence.!!!!

There really is no other explanation to move everything out of the house, move in with daughter, and to EXPECT that her loving husband will be stepped on, be there for her due to her duress!! Are you kidding me? She wants to keep your friendship, as well as her husbandship, all the while being a deceitful selfish brat, refusing to share with you only stuff that has gotten her in trouble!!!
How long do you really think that you should be bailing her out?
How long does she expect to trample your heart, and act as if nothing has happened, due to her huge major life change?
Just h ow long will you allow this woman to disrespect you!!!

I know that I am sounding harsh, but since we are friends, I do feel with all my heart, that I need to be real with you. I would hope that my friends would do that for me. I just hate to see you so confused, so hurt, so much used as a fricken ping pong ball!
It's not fair to you, your heart, your life!!!

Tough love is in order. You must set y our boundaries. Hasn't she set hers? Hasn't she refused to discuss any of this, and get defensive when you attempt to just get some answers (which you most definitely deserve)?

Not sure what's all involved with the texts???? But that is only one minute area....and not nearly as important as her demonstrative behavior, confusion about the marriage, moving out, and wanting to come back at her every whim!!! It's totally ridiculous & unfair of her, wanting her cake and to eat it too.

If you refuse to be her hard rock to fall on, maybe she'll be forced to decide either way. I really do think that you are co-dependent on her, and that she's using you to her advantage. I would not allow that any more, especially because it only makes you more angry, vulnerable, and devastated!!!! This is not love, this is a mockery and usery!!!! Please set yourself time-lines, restrictions, dates, and severe boundaries which she cannot over-step!!!!
Please don't let her squash your heart anymore!!!! What ever happened to that "no contact" rule??? There's a reason people have recommended it. Please think of yourself first!!!

We do care, and want the best for you!!!

Hey Mick,

I was out all weekend and kind of missed this one. Sorry, I feel like I left a friend down.

You got some great advice here - give her the time limit to get her stuff out. If she needs stuff moved, have her call a mover or do it herself.

Mick, she is keeping you on some kind of string here and it's not fair at all. Agreeing with blondgal - if she wants you to wait for her to sort it all out, she should have never left and let you help her thru it all. She is either your wife, or she is not. Can there really be a middle ground in all of that? Personally, I don't think so.

You hurt because you still love her and you still want to have some hope for your relationship with her. This reminds me of the grief process a bit where we go from 'this is happening' to 'HOLY SHIT, this is REALLY happening!' to 'alright, this happened....' You are just in the middle of a process and making your way...and, sorry to say, she seems to be yanking you around a bit.

You know we all care big time. I hope you can take some of the advice here.

..and be careful under the mango tree, will ya?

L~

Hi Shelli and Shewolf,

Wise words ladies thank you. Working on it as we speak

Hi WJW,

I saw you online last night but was just too wrapped up in my own misery to chat with you sorry

Hi Coping,

I know that you are right and as always, you speak with wisdom. I saw you online last night too but likewise, just wasnt up to chatting. Sorry. Hope your week-end went well hun.


Hi New woman,

Welcome to my little ongoing drama girl. LOL. You have articulated very well what I am feeling. Thank you.

Hi Affable,

Likewise, welcome to you too. Thank you for taking the time to read my little rant and also for your very kind words .

Ahhh Blondy, my very dear and beautiful friend.

As always, I can rely on your wise and objective words of wisdom. Thank you girl. Sage advice indeed.

Ladies, combined you have the wisdom of the Universe! Where would an uncomplicated bloke like me be without you guys in my corner. ? I would be bloody lost thats where. Without your constant support and kind words, I would be like a lost child stumbling about in the bush. I readily admit to having no clue about act in this sad situation. Your words of advice are truly priceless. For that I just cant thank you enough.

I am acting on your advice as we speak. Hopefully, I will be strong enough to see it through.

A very wise lady said to me recently that she was told the best way to get over a man is to get under another one LOL

I think the opposite might well apply to me too. LOL sorry.

Feeling a LOT better today. Thank you.

Love to you ladies.


mick

Hi L,

Sorry, we must have posted at the same time.

I LOVE my mango tree. LOL

All is OK here today.

love you girl

mick

Ahhh Mick,

No offense. We seem to be writing at the same time many, many times.

Glad you are doing better. That damned rollercoaster sucks so bad sometimes.

Boundaries now. Don't be afraid to do that for yourself. If she is going to keep on hurting you, don't volunteer for it. YOu are one of the many who decide they just don't want their heart hurt repeatedly...and over and over...and again and again...

Some of us have a club of sorts...(giggle)

Stay in touch. We're all around for you, L~

sorry to hear about all this mate, they just don't care how much proof you have right there in front of you to confront them with, they'll deny it to the end or they try to make it look less horrible than it is. My X wife actually tried to convince me that her cheating, lying, home-wrecking, POS other man "really was a good person." Right.

Hang in there mick, make her get her sh*t out yesterday and continue doing the right thing which is standing up for yourself and getting her lying a** out of your life.