Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hello everyone. I’m new here. I was referred by a friend. I haven’t even made a post yet and i already feel refreshed just by reading some other stories. I guess in a good way it’s helpful to know I’m not crazy and I’m not the only one going through this. I’ll get to it.
About 6 months ago i found out that my husband was having or had had an affair with someone st his job. Asked him about it. He said it was only once and he she no longer worked there blah blah. A few months ago something didn’t sit well with me and i did more digging to find out he has still be communicating with her sooo much. More than he even does with me. Smh. She still works at his job and I’m just really having a very hard time moving past this. I feel like there is soooo much that I just still do not know. I’ve since spoken with the female. But honestly i think she and him had a convo prior to it and she just said all the same things he said. Anybody here been through this and have gotten through it and it actually made your marriage stronger? I don’t want to divorce. However i don’t feel like my husband is really doing all that he should or can to earn my trust back or to even show me that he is really apologetic. I’m a mess. We have two small daughters and i feel like i really can’t even process my emotions because mommy has to get pushing.
I do believe that SOME coupled can fight through infidelity. But the issue is tgat a cheater has no empathy. I found that my cheating boyfriend absolutely hit his rock bottom once he finally admitted to the full truth. He was embarased to the bone and I could see that he was telling the truth and tgat he was remorsefull. We are working through it but he realizes what he did and how stupid he was. We work hard with therapy.
I do understand ur difficulty having 2 young kids and breaking up. But whatever he says he is at fault 100 percent he choose to cheat. He broke up the family by cheating not you.
I'm afraid that you staying and not setting boundaries for him just allows him to keep cheating and treat you like a doormat. I know how hard it is with little ones and I sure don't say to leave right away. But sit down be firm and set boundaries and follow up on them which means leaving if he doesn't comply.
For you 2 to work through this he has a few basic rules.
He needs to understand the pain he caused and be remorsefull. He need to be all on for repairing the infidelity and realize how long it will take for you to rebuilt trust and forgive.
He needs to do individual counseling to fix his issues so he doesn't do it again. He needs and this is very important and not optional, he needs to cut all ties and zero contact with this women. Which means changing jobs. Like I said tgats not optional if he doesn't want to do that he's not all in.
He needs to give you all passwords and be an open book as to where he is and witb who. No female friends. Later on couples counseling.
If he says no to any of these than it's not going to work. You simply cant rebuild trust if he skips out on any of these steps and no trust no relationship.
Be prepared tgat there is a lot more you don't know about. Cheaters only admit to wgat they were caught and always try to make themself look better by lieing.
I'm sorry to say this but if tgey still work together tgey still cheat. Tell her husband and for urself get STD tested. Keep digging through his history and messages and emails. There is likely more and he will not admit unless you find it.
Please realize that by slowing him to keep treating you this way you set a poor example for ur girls. As hard as it is you need to show them ur strong. That doesn't mean leaving but yes tgat means calling him out and setting boundaries and rules.
I so hope for you things do turn out ok. I hope tgat once you have this long deep talk tgat somehow he sees the light and reality of possibly loosing you and the girls. Be prepared for all the covering and lieing he will initially try to keep you.
Stay strong. You can do this. We all go through it some end up repairing some realize that their partner is still cheating. I hope the best for you. Hugs
They you found out and he lied to you and continued to cheat.
He's betting that you are too weak to do anything about it and will stay no matter what he does. He can have his cake and eat it too.
At this point he doesn't even feel guilty not to mention remorseful. Without that there is 0% hope for the marriage.
Get a counselor for yourself and find yourself a lawyer. He will be responsible financially for the children regardless.
You need to teach your daughters that as a person and a wife/mother that you will not stand for this type of behavior from a husband/man. Elsewise you are teaching them it is ok to be cheated on, lied to, and abused.