Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
So I've used this site before for a lot of other support groups, but just joining this one. Here's my story:
Been with my husband since June 2010. Married in November 2011. Three months after we got married he started cheating on me with his ex. This was on and off until August 2013. He enlisted in the military in June 2012, so we were physically separated for part of this time. I moved with him to his tech school and found out that him and this girl were skyping while we were separated... He swore they stopped talking then I found out he lied. Also around this time he asked one of his best friends why they never dated in high school... And didn't understand why I was hurt by that question. In July 2013 I found out he was on dating websites 3 days before I was going out of town for work for a month. I also found out he was still talking to her and planning on having sex with her in August 2013 when he went to visit family and go to his "best friend's wedding" (and btw all of his best friends are FEMALE). Well I moved into our guest bedroom, began packing my things, ready for divorce. He supposedly tried to hang himself one night, texted one of his female best friends and told her, and she called 911 and his base he's at and told them. He ended up in suicide watch in a facility for a few days and then had to start having weekly therapy sessions on base. His therapists asked if I would be willing to stay living in the house until he was mentally better so he wasn't alone at home and also so he wouldn't be able to drive, so I did. We somehow ended up back together but things aren't the same. There's no trust between either of us. I love him, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him anymore. I want to fix things, but he still communicates with his best friends. He has however not communicated with the OW since August. We talked about talking to a chaplain on base but the only person he wants to talk to is his therapist- who he complains about me to. I went in to see her once and was completely thrown off guard to how he described me to her and how he says I act towards him. I feel hurt, alone. I've had guy after guy ask me out since before he and I got married- one of which begged me not to marry him but I did anyway... And sometimes I feel like I made the wrong decision... I have all these guys who want to be with me, and I've done my best to stay loyal to a man who doesn't even try to do the same for me. He hasn't talked to the OW since August- but we've drifted apart and sometimes I feel like he's just completely hostile towards me. He says he worked out his infidelity issues with his therapist, but as far as things go between he and I its gotten worse. We don't have sex- and not for lack of trying on my part. We only ever talk about bills or his job. We spend 0 time together. I asked him to watch a movie with me tonight while we ate dinner and he straight up told me no he wasn't going to...
I guess what I'm looking for is someone who feels how I felt and has been able to fall in love with their spouse again? Or is our marriage just doomed... :(
Been with my husband since June 2010. Married in November 2011. Three months after we got married he started cheating on me with his ex. This was on and off until August 2013. He enlisted in the military in June 2012, so we were physically separated for part of this time. I moved with him to his tech school and found out that him and this girl were skyping while we were separated... He swore they stopped talking then I found out he lied. Also around this time he asked one of his best friends why they never dated in high school... And didn't understand why I was hurt by that question. In July 2013 I found out he was on dating websites 3 days before I was going out of town for work for a month. I also found out he was still talking to her and planning on having sex with her in August 2013 when he went to visit family and go to his "best friend's wedding" (and btw all of his best friends are FEMALE). Well I moved into our guest bedroom, began packing my things, ready for divorce. He supposedly tried to hang himself one night, texted one of his female best friends and told her, and she called 911 and his base he's at and told them. He ended up in suicide watch in a facility for a few days and then had to start having weekly therapy sessions on base. His therapists asked if I would be willing to stay living in the house until he was mentally better so he wasn't alone at home and also so he wouldn't be able to drive, so I did. We somehow ended up back together but things aren't the same. There's no trust between either of us. I love him, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him anymore. I want to fix things, but he still communicates with his best friends. He has however not communicated with the OW since August. We talked about talking to a chaplain on base but the only person he wants to talk to is his therapist- who he complains about me to. I went in to see her once and was completely thrown off guard to how he described me to her and how he says I act towards him. I feel hurt, alone. I've had guy after guy ask me out since before he and I got married- one of which begged me not to marry him but I did anyway... And sometimes I feel like I made the wrong decision... I have all these guys who want to be with me, and I've done my best to stay loyal to a man who doesn't even try to do the same for me. He hasn't talked to the OW since August- but we've drifted apart and sometimes I feel like he's just completely hostile towards me. He says he worked out his infidelity issues with his therapist, but as far as things go between he and I its gotten worse. We don't have sex- and not for lack of trying on my part. We only ever talk about bills or his job. We spend 0 time together. I asked him to watch a movie with me tonight while we ate dinner and he straight up told me no he wasn't going to...
I guess what I'm looking for is someone who feels how I felt and has been able to fall in love with their spouse again? Or is our marriage just doomed... :(
I am sorry that your husband is such a rotten messy turd, stay with him and he'll smear up your whole life
He sounds narcissistic, which in some cases makes suicide a tool of control, more than a real risk. (I'm not a professional, though, these are my opinions). I would talk to a counselor alone, and then, when you do leave, let his counselor AND his unit first sergeant know, so they can keep an eye on him.
Again, just my opinion, but you need to find a way out of that situation. It doesn't sound like a marriage at all, not even a challenged one.
Good luck!
Gay = no future
Narcissist = also no future
Go find a good therapist for yourself so you can understand how ridiculous it was for his therapist(s) to ask you to stay.
And how nice it is to hear that he's worked out his infidelity issues. Too bad he didn't work with you. From how you're talking about this marriage, there is too much damage and it sounds like if you stay, there will be more to come. Leave before he hurts you more to the point of incapacitating you.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-infidelity-through-faith/news/view/4974162
If he isn't doing them or unwilling to do them, the chances this will end on a positive note are really slim. Like a fraction of 1%.
It is impossible to heal a wound if he keeps stabbing a knife into it repeatedly.