Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Its been 25.5 months since I found the texts. Basically two years since my innocence was shattered. I have always been faithfull in every way during my maraige. My wifes multiple affairs and the way she told me and the multiple series of lies were so destructive to me I cannot ever be the same. I stayed only because of my at the time 16 year old step son and my 2 and 4 year old sons. I know I have not gotten that far in my dealing with this for I still want to hurt the guys that she did this with. Weird I have never wanted to hurt her. I know it was completly her decision. I know that 70% of guys out there would, that does not make it right. I hate how easily she was able to do this and escalate it. I had entertained the Idea and I had fantasies like anyone, I even had oportunity many times with very attracticve girls. I could just never have done it being married with children. I am not innocent when I was dating my wife at the very begining of my relationship I cheated with my ex fiance whom was working overtime to get me back. I felt terrible for years and did not tell under advice from my best friend. But it still the worst thing I ever did in my life. I only say this to illistrate that I understand both sides. I think the reason I took this so hard is the fact that I was just so blindsided. I loved my wife so much. zI respected her so much. I was at the appex of my love for her after 7 years of mariage. I reach out today after two years because I havent truly forgiven anyone, still. I still think about it daily. We do ok things are not terrible. She has made an extreme effort after she came to her senses to fix our mairrage. She has put up with an extreme amount of my anger and yelling and name calling initially. I still absolutly believe she is lying about some things and I have begged for the truth just to move forward on a new start. She knows everthing about me. I don't know if I am crazy but I suspect not. I am a pretty smart guy and averything I have thought ended up being true. But who knows. I really need to learn how to let this go. I think it is destroying me from the inside out. Any advice would be apppreciated?
You want to R but cannot let go.
She holding obvious secrets cannot reveal.
I would do couple counseling in your case,
Support your way.
Its a reality when its your sanity to leave. A person brain matter is not designed to be of fight or flee mentality 24/7.
A peron has to decide, unfornantately many choose to go numbe and live out life this this state. There are many on forums that has resigned life to this fat "this is what is meant to be".
In my case child became secondary as 2 years post D day things was degrading. There was to be no getting over it, no peace no harmony.
To get back at her Dad? Are their parent issues? I dont know your story but digging into the root cause of the issues will help you to get passed it peeling back the onion that is the A and your CS/WS will really help you to make sense of nonsensical for you to then know what happened and why. If you understand that puzzle that it really has nothing to do with you - that will help you and you will be able to move on --- without that much of the sting day to day.
There is so much psychology behind all of this that its mind boggling. You said you have 2 sons with her well that is 1% of it she knows the moral upbringing of your sons is on --- you --- the father --- not her (the mother) --- in her crazymind --- no matter what crazy stuff she does --- the boys will always love her --- if you had 2 girls --- she may not have cheated cause she is the moral compass and the ones they look up to then you might have been the one cheating if you had 2 girls weird and stupid and dumb --- yes.
Women want attention emotional needs guys want to get women --- Affair proof your marriage.
70% of loser guys find married women and do this with not normal guys loser/jackass guys who have crazy thoughts and zero boundries They are losers --- real men --- real guys first dont want to mess with a girl that even has a boyfriend --- why? Cause there are so many single girls out there --- whats the point? We dont need challenges our challenges are providing for our freakin families.
Now upgrade to a women that is --- married then married with kids--- ok major scum bags and not worthy of your attention or thoughts cause most likely they are doing a lot of other stupid stuff that will get them what they deserve if this is their mind frame.
My advice communicate to her all the freakin time about whatever talk to her about her feelings ask her everyday are we in love meaning can I do something for you today can I wash the car or wash the dishes read up on the 7 languages of love go to FREE counseling at a church or a support group. Most of these counselors cant say too much cause then they are held liable if they told u to do this or that --- so they will say how do u feel about that--- well I feel like crap etc --- so read up on books about the subject with her or by yourself.
Post here and we will help and help others who post here so you can heal as well.
Things are fine. I appreciate your advice it seems well thought out and considerate. I went out of my way to text my wife today and engage and compliment her. I think I will look for a couple of books this weekend. Your definatly right about the loser guys. I never ever wanted to deal with any tyoe of rlationship interferance in my whole life. I am just a bit oldschool I feel the type of guys that do this deserve a beat down. In todays day and age though that is not going to go over well legally. Not to mention that these types are cowards ontop of their other problems most of the time. I was just physically threatened by one but then he would never show up and kept running when I was trying to find him. I know again, petty. i know its some form of displacement but I really have some problems with one particular guy who continued to taunt me and text me and ended up speeping with my wife again while I was pulling the 180. I spend entirely too much time and energy still being mad. Anyhow, It was an ok day and thanks for the advice.
So you have resgined yourself to go into numb land.
Please just do not spend too much time there.
MAny will spend a lifetime.
These guys are basically - "crazy" - the real term for them is they are "narcissist" - they lack empathy. --- something happened in their up bringing that screwed them up.
A narissist -
Definition is a generalized personality trait characterized by manipulation, egotism, vanity, conceit, selfishness, or lack of empathy.
How does one become like this - I have told this story before but here is one example - I know of a guy who was born out of an affair - his mother slept with the mayor of a town in Brazil - that father who cheated on his wife and slept with this younger girl - was hanged for doing some other crazy stuff down there.
So here is this dude raised by a single mother - father hung - all he wants to date is "married" women.
When these guys aren't burning ants or kicking cats around - they are looking for "married" women to hit on. They get a major kick knowing they just pulled a "married" women - its a notch on their belt of stupidity - this is fun for them - this gets their normal crazy thoughts out of their minds for at least a couple of hours a day to go over to this other crazy situation they have caused.
Its the challenge of the fantasy that is always short lived.
If your wife is normal - once these affairs are over - she will be in shock for what she did - her motoves are normally resentment and so each one is using the other for their personal means.
Her to get back at you - AP to get their minds off of crazy stuff and the challenge of distroying something they can't have.
Karma will come by and take care of these people.
Could you take care of it yourself?
Of course - but then where does that really get you - I would only want to be with someone who wants to be with me and would never pull me into something like this. Its actually "her" loss - not yours. She is losing out majorly. Not you.
She will figure out these "guys" are 1 quarter of the guy you are. In the end - she must learn these lessons - for you - you should be in the mindframe of - don't start nothing there won't be nothing... but thats with her --- girls will hit on you --- guys will always hit on her ---she has to say "no" or don't look or get engaged in that...You can't go around playing that game of bouncer with her...she has to do that on her own...
Some texting advice - saying something like "I was just thinking about"... (send) then let her respond what?... then get back to her with whatever you were thinking about when thinking about her - surpises them...
I have never been a big texter but --- women seem to like it - again the attention factor. Me most of the time - I have stuff to do.