First... sorry you are here.
Second, I know the feeling of slef deprecation... its normal.
Tell us a little more About what you are thinking and feeling.

It's a whole lot of I smother too much, and she is my world and everything in it. Problem is, I never really ventured out to pursue my individual goals and dreams. I always have done things with her in mind.

But after posting to a different Board, I realize we don't have mutual respect for each other. Every time she cheated, she cried, begged me to forgive her, and I would. But, did I really? I mean, we never talked about it, never made a plan. I just let her come back not once, not twice, but three times.

She doesn't want to get married. I can see where marrying her is probably a stupid idea, anyway. She never wanted kids, which I always have.

Someone on the other Board pointed out to me that I sound like I want to be the "savior" in a relationship. I am giving that a lot of thought. When I met her, we were in college and had so much in common. She comes from a rough background and there I was, wanting to show her "Look, not everyone sucks, not everyone uses people"....but, what I got instead is feeling like a huge DOPE.

She is currently at a friend's house, needing space from me. That says a lot right there.

I am sorry for what you are going through. Maybe what kept you going was that you had hope and trust in her that things would turn around. We have all had these feelings. Hurt, disappointment, even in yourself for letting it happen. Take notes, and learn from it. Your heart was open and you trusted.. those are good things.

Maybe this time she needs from you will give you much needed space as well (really she'd giving you a gift imo) I don't know the depth of your smothering but if you stopped caring about your needs and your life because you put too much into her needs and life, then it's not healthy,

it sounds like the relationship started of on an unhealthy note. So many do. I would take this space and find s good counselor. Get Strong and learn to let go of the self loathing. Open up to the idea that you deserve better. Hopefully she will get into counseling as well.

I would also set that if you both choose to give this relationship another chance, couples counseling is a really good idea.

to have or not to have children is not a subject that comes lightly. That's a huge boulder in your path that can forever cause resentment and unhappiness for the one sacrificing their desire.

I hope you find yourself again and gain the strength to be confident and forgive yourself for whatever you think you've done wrong.

cut and run, you can't help this girl, she may not be too far gone to become a real person but she is too far gone for you to be with and way too far gone for you to have kids with

you are young enough to get yourself pulled together, seem like you have character, so you'd make a good guy (really don't sound like a bag guy right now just misguided)

Thanks everyone.

I just found out from her friend she is staying with that she took a plane to stay with family in another state. Guess the decision has been made for me.