Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Today, I emailed an attorney about a potential consultation. Still haven't heard back yet, but I'm hoping to hear something soon. She is representing one of my best friends and comes highly regarded. Hopefully, I can find the money to meet. Yesterday, after finding more texts, I really began feeling what I think I've been experiencing for some days (weeks ?) now...Resentment. I know God doesn't want us to be resentful or hold resentment, so I'm praying about this. Still, I'm hoping it can, for now, propel me to make some definitive decisions. And get the frigging guts to confront him and leave. Why is this so difficult? Why can't I just sit him down, like I have a million times in my mind, and calmly state the facts: that I know what I know and I want a separation. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way, but it seems like that is how it's going to be, if I don't make some changes myself. I guess I'm afraid of his reaction, manipulation, or the destruction of my things (not that he's ever done that, but still...).
Any feedback from anyone with regard to how it went when you confronted your cs? Thanks.
Any feedback from anyone with regard to how it went when you confronted your cs? Thanks.
in that situation, but if I were I would make a plan first and get things in order.
Well, I did find myself in that situation and I did make a plan and get things in order. I talked to a divorce lawyer, I changed my will, I started putting money aside, etc., etc. I still didn't confront my H. I was scared. I see now I was traumatized. I was afraid he would tell me that this is how he wanted it. And if I wanted to stay married, I would just have to accept it. Crazy, I know. At the time since I did not know who his AP was, I felt very threatened.
As it turned out, it was a double betrayal. Once I found out, confrontation was easy. You can have your proof all laid out. I thought I would need proof, as it was, I didn't. He admitted it right away.
All I said was " I know ". When he said "know what". I just said
"All about your affair". That was it. He admitted it. I asked a couple of questions. He answered. Then I cried, sobbed, and couldn't stop.
Ask yourself what you want. Do you want to confront him about the A or do you just want to leave? If I knew I wanted a divorce, I would have handled things differently.
Do you want drama? Do you want to punish him? Do you want to tell him how much he's hurt you or do you just want to hurt him? Or none of the above?
It's difficult because you have to be clear with yourself what you want.
If you think he'll be vindictive, protect yourself and your things.
Have someone with you when you do it. Make him leave and change the locks, or just add a lock.
I had to confront my H for a second time when I saw he was trying to contact his slut again. I'm getting to be a pro (sadly). I was calm.
It's kind of funny to watch them squirm, lie, and try to weasel out of the things when you know the truth. I was calm this time. A few days later I let him have it. He saw and, hopefully, felt the full brunt of what I was feeling. He got the message. It felt good to scream at him.
Define your goal, analyze the best way to deliver your message, anticipate his reaction and prepare for it. You do need to confront him though. You need to do it for you.
Good luck.
I was finally happy the day I decided I found enough.
I was ready for just about anything at that point and it gave me a lot of confidence going into the confrontation. The calmer you are, the more out of control he will feel and that is a GREAT thing in this scenario.
YES! Knowing the truth and watching his reaction made me realize he'd gotten to be quite a pro at lying by omission and not quite answering honestly. It's helpful to see how they try to cover their tracks.