ok why cant I just be quiet and let it go? lol, we went to a school happening today, it's the last day. Everything was fine until afterwards, the stupid ow happened to be at the store with her mom, I almost walked right into them, actually timed it right the ow opened the door for me and I walked out before they could walk in. What timing, made me feel like I was over them, and they were my slaves. lol I hate to think that way, but it made me feel better for some reason.
Now here comes the part I hate, we were on my way down to work, I was making comments to him about her and how much I hated her and she is a b****, So when I was getting off of the truck I was waiting for a kiss from him, and I made a comment about not wanting to be seen kissing me, and he shoved me out of the way and said "dont even start," I told him " your the one that started the whole thing,"
So anyway, I think in a way I am pushing him away on purpose, and it's because I don't want to be hurt anymore, I just feel mad at the world right now, and wish that something would change and turn around for me.
I think to myself all I can do is work on me, and nevermind him. But being so co dependant that is how I am. I try breaking free from it, but I feel so mean, and selfish if I don't help him. It was the way I was brought up. It is so hard to break this attitude that If someone needs help, you help, cause you may be in the same predicament later and need someone elses help. and stuff like that.
I want him to notice me, and see how valueable I am. If I ran away and left him, like went out of town for a weekend, would he survive with out me. I don't think so. I think the he would fall apart with out me. I know that is not reality, but I wish I could be appreciated at least, and not took for granted. I want my man to appreciate me, and want me around, and that is not what is happening. We are pushing each other away, and I see only the end of us in sight. It makes me sad.
again, I hate relationships.

:-(
babyrena,
your story speaks to me. I am sorry that you are right and they are boys looking for moms. There are some real men left and the universe, or whatever in the world that needs to change so that you can have a good/healthy relationship, will happen soon. I just sent a prayer for you. Hang in there sister.
:-)

I hear what you are saying. I too wish my husband would appreciate me. He stayed after his affair, he tells me he wants to work on our marriage, but it's all just words to me now. I can't trust anything he says anymore. I feel myself pushing him away, and all I want is for him to fight for me. Fight for us. four our marriage and our family. But instead he just seems defeated. Like he's already given up.

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. It's not something that we can just let go, we have to focus on healing ourselves, and the rest will follow. Hugs to you.

I'm sorry you're going thru a hard time. But it's time for you to make a change. the situation will continue to go downhill unless YOU make the change. He doesn't need to change anything, it's working for him.

Read up on the 180. There's been much discussion on the 180 on this forum in the past. Remember when you read about the 180, it's not meant to change HIS behavior, it's meant to change YOURS. The point is to better YOUR position, it has less to do with him. It might open his eyes, it might not. What it does or doesn't do for him isn't important.

The 180 should make you feel better about YOU. It's NOT A GAME. You need to stop letting him play with you.

Sending strength and support...

Ro

Unfortunately what he is doing is not exclusive to men. Women do it too.

Its called hedging his bet. Right now he has the best of both worlds. He can (or is at least trying to) keep you hanging until he finds out if his pathetic relationship with the OW will work out.

There is a lot of good advice presented here before my post. I hope you will take it.

well it's been 8 days, he is withdrawing more and more, and so am I, we are down to hugs, kisses, and I love you's, but no more intimacy than that,
today it seemed as though he wanted there to be more, but I pulled away bc I had to go to work and didn't want to be late. I went home for lunch and he kissed me when i left, but it all seems so mechanical, at this point it doesn't matter who he is seeing anymore, I am just waiting for him to drop the bombshell on me when he is going to leave.
He spends a lot of time with or at his "moms" when I am busy doing other things. He still talks of marraige, and babies, but I am passed that phase.
Right now as we speak he is on the road to recovery from a mj addiction, he claims that he is quitting, but I don't think it will happen, he has a job int on Monday and we will see if he is trully going cold turkey or if the addiction will return after he starts working.
I am trully hurt that it has gone this far, once again I am learning I can only work on myself, I wrote down some of the items from the 180 list and I feel a lot better about myself for it.
Whenever we talk of things, he only talks of himself, as if he is already single, so I let it stay that way, I mostly include my children when I talk of plans, and tell him this is what I am doing, and he doesn't seem to care one way or another.
As a couple we have tried to not say the words, "I don't care", It is really hard to break bad habits though. lol. So we are getting along, there is less arguing, and more smiles, but he still is distant and that hurts.
He's my bad habit. :) jk