Probably MC is a good start.

Separations are tricky. In theory, the idea of getting space to clear your head is a good one, IF both partner are truly using the time to gain perspective and NOT using it to move on or begin living like they are single again.

In order for a marriage to work, both people need to be present for it to happen.

The key, though, whether separated or not, is to BOTH put in the effort and communication.

Marriage counseling is a good step. It may take several counselors before you find the right one, but it offers a safe place for both people to discuss the situation, and to get tools to help them as they work through it.

I'd agree with marriage counseling. It's almost impossible to think clearly right after discovery, and your spouse is probably on the defense, so not thinking about what's best. A good (caveat there) marriage counselor can at least get you both on some sort of track together. Separation didn't work for us. In some cases, it might work, but I think you need to set the terms - not just, "we're going to live separate lives for a while" - that alone sounds contradictory to a marriage - but the straying spouse tends to think that's a great plan.

I feel your pain, and I still feel that way even though my d day was 5 whole months ago. MC is a good step. It certainly can't hurt. Unless something abusive or destructive is happening, it seems like a separation is more likely to drive you apart then anything. Unless you are driven really be apart, the more you can do to work towards mending your marriage is the best place to start. I am not close in proximity to family either, and hesitate to share our situation with anyone because I don't want to draw negative attention towards our family. If we stay together I don't want that to forever be on peoples' minds about us. I recently finally had STD testing done with my primary doctor, and hope that the results are ok. This is one thing that my counselor (individual) suggested was very important. Sending you support in this difficult time. I am sorry that you are having to go through this.

Thanks everyone - here's hoping I guess. We tried marriage counseling before during first affair - guess we failed as here we are again. I honestly think I am going to put it in his hands - at least part of it. I worked so hard last time - finding counselors, trying to talk, trying to make peace, trying to keep a smile on everything and just drove myself crazy. He brought us here again - he can do the bulk of the work to fix it - I am going to say what I need and see what he does to make it happen. I will use his efforts - or lack of effort - to judge where things should go next.

Another affair.. you are strong. Imho the best of us can heal one... I wish you peace and continued strength in what you want