you are totally normal! and you are allowed to cry! I am the same way..I would suck it up and just go to our friends baby shower and feel like i was dead inside! My husband and I have just started the IVF process (I started getting tested back in September, we have been married for 4 years come june and I just knew something wasnt right) I can honestly say yes there were plenty of times I just didnt know what to do...am I not supposed to have kids because naturally I can not? Both of my tubes are blocked (well left one is partially opened but HSG test showed dye not spilling right) and if i do some how become pregnant naturally it would most likely be etopic. I would suggest starting at your gyn, or fertility specialist. My GYN was great and did all she could for me. I am sad we have to do IVF and to be honest I was against it for awhile. Now i can honestly say I feel totally different, I feel like there is hope..its still 50/50 but we have to try! message me anytime you want to talk! keep your head up, (easier said then done)!!

It sucks!! Sometimes i wonder if people don't want to include us in their kids things b/c they feel bad for us or that we think we will stick out- we will. Everytime i see someone the first thing i say is are they expecting? Yesterday in the grocery store there was a lady with twins - maybe they were 3, and another child, maybe 5? and wouldn't you know - she looked like she was due any day! I feel that pang as if i was looking at them right this second. i don't know what to call it - maybe it makes me a terrible person, i don't know. I have PCOS, unexplained infertility, and am 34.
I think it helps to have people you can talk it out with - maybe a therapist, but honestly, someone who really doesn't care either way if you have kids. I know that sounds weird but i have a friend who honestly couldn't care less if i have a kid or not. They dont tell me "you'll be a great mom" b.c they don't see me with kids. They don't tell me "it'll happen" b/c they have no idea and why should they just tell me what i want to hear? They just let me complain and vent out everything, how much it sucks, and all the unknowns. They have 3 kids themselves, but they don't sugar coat it for me. they tell me that cleaning up vomit sucks, and how you can't just go on vacation whenever you want..
i don't know, for me, they are the reason i am still sane. (PS - they also encouraged me to join a support group, and i blame them everyday, but i know it was a good step.)

You are under no obligation to go to a friend's kid's birthday. My husband and I went to my nephew's bday last year to a kid-friendly water park. No exaggeration...we were the only couple without kids. Not only was it a huge reminder that we're experiencing infertility, but we both felt very, VERY awkward. This year, we're going to send a bday card and gift in the mail. Right now, I have to be extra good to myself and my husband. That means keeping us out of upsetting situations as much as possible and it may mean I have to be a little selfish...and that's okay. I hope sharing this helps. :)

I understand. While you want to be happy for your friends and loved ones, it becomes more and more difficult . I always need to have cry alone and then pull myself together every time I get a new pregnancy phone call from friends. It's exhausting but you are only human. I see families with several kids and wonder why it's so easy for them and I can't even seem to have one. Hope this helps and you have no reason to feel bad.

Honestly, thank you all for your replies. Each response has made me feel human again. I keep trying to tell myself that everything happens and a reason and that there is a silver lining to the whole situation. Is it getting ahead at work? Is it having that extra holiday? Is it how strong you have to become to deal with it? But it's just a rollercoaster, going from "ok I'm fine" to "I just want to hide forever".
I am the same with friends and pregnancy announcements, I now have a mental list of all the friends who would most likely fall pregnant next, I find if I prep myself it makes that sorrow call easier.

I think all of these feelings are completely normal. It is important that in the difficult process you take care of yourself first. I've found that anticipating pregnancies is also helpful for me. But does anyone else struggle with a strong sense of guilt when a friend has trouble telling you they are pregnant? Usually I have prepped and prepared myself and know that a pregnancy announcement is coming but have a very hard time when the person telling me almost apologizes for being pregnant. It makes me feel horrible that they feel like I can't even share in their joy and then I get even more upset.