It's disappointing because it ends the hope again. While we are in these 2wws, our imaginations can run wild and it's awful to let yourself build up the dream but know that there is a high percentage of failure- it just straight up sucks! I know you said you tested a couple of days early, so I am hoping for a different outcome than what you are expecting, but I definitely understand the place you are in right now. Love, nikki

I recently spoke to my fertility counsellor about this. I told her how I was trying to separate myself from the emotion of it all and approach my treatment very clinically as the disappointment was becoming too much to bear. Her response made such sense and made me look at the whole process differently.

Every cycle of treatment is an investment financially, emotionally and physically. As with any investment you make in life, you do so with the hope that you will be rewarded with an outcome. If you didn't want the outcome, why would you invest?

I've learned that each month, each cycle, each treatment, I will hope. I will imagine how it will feel to have the news that it is successful and how that will feel. So I'm not beating myself up when I feel hope and disappointment anymore. I have accepted that I will feel this way every time. This is a completely normal feeling when you make this kind of investment.

So my advice would be to feel the disappointment. Feel the sadness. And when you're ready, feel the hope again that one day in the future, you will get the result you have invested all this time in.

I'm not there yet either. Going for another FET next month (I hope). At the moment, I am hoping it will be the cycle that finally works. I know it might not, but I'm still feeling the hope.

@MrsO very well said. We can't help ourselves from wanting to test over and over again. The 2ww is eternity. My advice is always to feel all the emotions that come up, good ones and the bad ones. That way you can process and move on to the next step, whether it be good or bad. Best of luck!

It's so interesting MrsMooney that you said that about feeling the emotions.. i don't know if thats something i'm actually allowing myself to do - either consciously or subconsciously,... just throwing that out there b/c i just thought of it. Does anyone else ever feel like that?

From the beginning of my IVF treatments & throughout my pregnancy, I tried to not let myself feel anything at all because I was too scared. I didn't even let people acknowledge what I was going through because then that made it real. Even though I ignored so much of what I was feeling, eventually it came bubbling up and was probably way worse than not just dealing with it in the first place. I still have crazy emotions that all relate back to IF. I wish I had some good advice to give on how to deal with it all, but the only thing I can really tell you is to at least acknowledge what you are feeling and hopefully that will help get you to the next step in a good head space. xoxo.