Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
When we started TTC over 3 years ago, we didnt tell anybody! Not close friends, family, no one! My reasoning was that I NEVER imagined infertility would even be in my vocabulary, no one in either of our families had struggled to concieve, so I was so excited to surprise everyone and didnt want to tip them off.
As time went on I continued to keep it a secret because I didnt want to have to see that hopeful smirk everytime I said I didnt want an alcoholic drink (even though I havent been a drinker in years!), or awkward questions when I said I didnt feel good, or disappointed feelings when another AF came around.
Now it's been 3 years and I dont talk about it with anyone but my DH. Honestly when I think about talking about it with people I tear up because I know how hard it would be to talk about it face to face. At the same time it feels like a sneaky dirty secret, constant doctors appointments, research, excitement, disappointment, etc.
Do the majority of you have people you talk to, or mostly online forums and partners? Is it easier to have people in your life you talk to about it, or does that create more stress in just having more people to feel disappointed? I'm asking because I'm curious but I really think I dont want to talk to people about it.. is that weird?
I literally just joined. I'm 6 years in and searching for people to talk about this with myself. I've tried to tell people, I've tried to be open and i can tell you from personal experiences - it has NOT gone well. However, the last thing i want to do is discourage anyone from trying with their own family, in their own way.
The problem is that you don't want to hold all of it in. Repressed feelings have a way of making you feel weaker for being yourself. I've transitioned into being more open about it and dealing with it when people are uncomfortable. The only reason I told anyone was so that I could set boundaries for what I'm ok with. For ex: my mother-in-law just handing me a baby whenever it's around became highly problematic for me.
So in the end, it's your call. Do what you need to for your own mental health. If that's a problem for others than they are not supportive and that's unfortunate. I have some of the most caring people around me who still, just do not know how to handle this issue with me. But, i choose to make it known and do what's difficult so that they can spare me from certain situations. Hope this helps.
But, it has also been amazing with some other friends who really are sensitive towards how I am feeling and doing and just knowing that they're there is enough. For me, keeping it a secret was eating me alive, and even tho opening up still caused pain, it at least reminds me that I was able to do that, and the people who are not strong enough to handle me and my situation can kiss my butt :) I also ended up posting something on instagram on pregnancy loss remembrance day which wasn't an easy decision. I had a couple friends and acquaintances who were also silently struggling reach out and it was people I never knew were also having a hard time. It brought me a comfort I didn't know I needed.
So agreed above. You have to do what feels right. Unfortunately both decisions are difficult, and both are going to come with the negative and positive. I just am happy with the decision to break the silence and be able to know that in the worst times, there is still good. And also that in the worst times, people really showed my their true colors, and I can be ok with putting them on a shelf. Best of luck to you. I hope you find peace with this decision <3