Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Michelle5 02/03/2010

I have been a part of this supprt group for many year starting out with this one when my late DH and I had been ttc 4 over 5yrs. We did IVF and were blessed with a baby girl a little over 2yrs ago.
From her I went to the Pregnancy group, then the parenting, but on April 21st of last yr I lost my husband after a short fight with cancer and crossed over to the widows group.
I have been talking with some of my family and friends about how DH and I always talked about wanting more children and seeing how we did IVF and he has sperm froozen I could still do this.
I could not tell you the looks and gasps i have got from my friends some even saying it would not be far to the child because he or she would not know its father.. I remind them that Aubrey was only 14 months when her father passed and she only remembers what we continue to tell her everyday. They also state that it is creepy. DH has alway wanted a boy and told me that we would try for one more in hopes of getting one. There is a chance that I may be coming into some money do to the matters of his death and the Drs not taking care of it properly. If this would happen and I in fact would have the money to do another IVF and afford a another child as I am able to afford Aubrey now I really am thinking that I would do this... Not only because I myself would love to have another child, and DH's wished where to, but we make the cute babies.hahaha
Just wondering what do you all think in this mattter? Please excuse the any mispellings as I have a sprain right arm and I am typing with one hand.

deleted_user 02/03/2010

I can see how this would be a controversial decision. There are always going to be people against IF decisions, whether they're against IVF in general or against what you're suggesting. I believe you must do what you feel is the right thing for you and your family. You can certainly let your children know your husband by sharing memories and by raising them to share his values. Good luck!

deleted_user 02/03/2010

Only you can make that decision for yourself. No one should pass judgement on you unless they have gone through the same thing. As hard as it may be for some of your family and friends to understand, only you know what is right in your heart and what your husband would have wanted you to do. Don't let others discourage you from doing what you want to do. I know it must be hard not having that support, but in the end you're the one that has to live with your decision, not them. I wish you all the best!!

deleted_user 02/03/2010

I agree with what the other girls have said, base your decision purely on what you feel is right in your heart. Plenty children grow up not knowing their father and still live happy, fulfilled lives. Hope all goes well for you.

deleted_user 02/03/2010

No matter what you do in life someone will think it's wrong, so you can't let that judge what you decide to do! There are people who think ivf is wrong, regardless of if you have a spouse or not. You're the one who has to live with your own thoughts/wishes/dreams every day and you should do whatever is right for you!

Good luck!

deleted_user 02/04/2010

I would make the same decision if I were in your shoes. I'd go for another IVF with your DH's sperm. Just be prepared that that cycle will be much harder on you than before since he's not around to support you through it and the pregnancy. You'll need to gather enough family/friends around you to help you. Good luck!

deleted_user 02/04/2010

I am not sure how it was done when you were doing your IVF cycle, but when we did ours, with two different clinics, we needed to sign documents as to what to do with our sperm and or embryos if something were to happen to one of us. If your DH said that you should have his sperm then that means he would want you to make the decision for yourself, if it is something you could handle.

Ultimately I do not think it is creepy. You would be giving Aubrey a sibling, a biological sibling. Not to mention you would also be carrying on the genes of your DH. And on top of it all, you would have another child.

I told myself a long time ago that if I was not in the right relationship that I would have a child by myself. That was my choice and one I would have to live with. You need to decided what is best for you and Aubrey. Listen to your heart. Pray about it. I am sure the right answer for you will come.

Everyone is going to have an opinion about it but ultimately the decision to try and have another child this way is yours. Yes it will be hard to raise two children by yourself, but people do it all the time. I think of children as gifts and having another child would fill your home with more love.

I would most likely do the same thing and try for another child with with my DF's sperm. I always wanted more then one child and if there was a chance that I could try and do that and that they would be full blood siblings then why not?

Good luck with what ever you decide. I will be praying for you.

JudylynS 02/04/2010

Honestly, I think you should go for it. Who cares what other people think! It is ultimately your decision and there will always be naysayers! I would do it in a heartbeat. Good luck to you. I hope that you get a hefty settlement and are able to have several children with your DH's frozen sperm. Much love and many prayers coming your way!

deleted_user 02/04/2010

Do what feels right! I bet most of those people who are being so negative have probably never been faced with IF let alone losing their spouse. It's really not their place to tell you what is right or wrong.

Like so many others have said, people have their views on what is right and what is wrong about IF treatments but the truth is, they might actually feel differently if they were faced with IF.

I can't imagine what you must be feeling, losing your DH and having IF, I'm truly sorry for that. But you know what your DH wished for and you wish for and don't let anyone, NOT ANYONE stop you from your dreams and wishes!

Judge not lest ye be judged.

deleted_user 02/04/2010

What better way to honor your husband's memory than to have his children? You are lucky to have that option. Don't let anyone tell you it is wrong, crazy, etc. That is completely a decision for you to make. There are lots of people who think IVF, IUI, etc is wrong. That is because they have never lived it. GL.

FNP 02/04/2010

Please please follow your heart. Don't listen to those that have never walked in your shoes. I wish you success with your cycle and will pray that you will once again hold another part of your husband. Prayers and good wishes :)

deleted_user 02/04/2010

I think that you are a very strong, admirable woman. Absolutely listen to your heart and remove any negativity coming from the outside. Very few women would have this option (frozen sperm) so I would go for it. Best of luck.

deleted_user 02/04/2010

i don't see anything wrong with it.... I would do it too.... Its your husbands sperm and i am sure if he were here you would go through with it anyway. What a wonderful thing to look into your baby's face and see your husband in him/her. I say go for it if thats what you want to do. You will always carry a special place in your heart for your husband why not carry one more of his children? good luck don't let anyone talk you out of what your heart desires. God bless you.

deleted_user 02/05/2010

I don't think it's creepy at all! I think you are very brave to be willing to go through it alone. My DH and I are in the military and we have already had this conversation if something were to happen to him I will still use the last of our frozen embryos as planned after this baby is born. I love my husband and I want him to live in through his children.

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