Hi ChlKaw - I am so sorry you are feeling so down. It is absolutely so stressful on a relationship. My husband and I actually run a business together as well, so I do understand because it is really hard to shut off what is going on personally at work, when work is really your life. Plus, you're working with the person you're going through all of this with. It is a lot. Please know you are not alone.

We've been struggling over 2.5 years and every time we get good news, we have been knocked down harder and harder. I have just started to go to acupuncture and have my first ever counseling session in a week or so. Does your clinic offer any type of counseling? My husband and I went on a little date last night and i didn't know how badly i needed this. I know you are feeling disconnected right now. I have written my husband letters when I feel this way. I know it sounds silly, but I was able to tell him how much I love him and want to fight this out with him, and it opens up conversations to be able to tell each other what you need. It is really easy to wrap ourselves in this infertility world and feel this is all we are worth, but we're so much more.

You're allowed to be sad and down. But, sometimes focusing on yourself being healthy and happy can help you, too. I constantly have to remind myself i can't keep pushing forward to creating this family if I am not healthy and mentally capable. So everyday I work on this, but if I need to, I let myself be sad as well. Just know you have someone here to talk if you ever want to and lots of support. Big Hugs XX

Thanks so much for your reply Callie2988. It does help to know we are not alone. I'm really sorry to hear about your recent loss, I actually can't imagine how heartbreaking that must be. I've realised recently that I don't think i'm mentally equipped for fertility treatments at this stage, and that realisation tells me I do need to work on my anxiety levels. My mum thinks stress is the reason we aren't getting pregnant... of course she can't know that for sure! But she knows me and she knows how tightly wound and obsessed i've become over all of this, and that it can't be helping.

I think acupuncture and counselling will both be wonderfully helpful to you now. I did acupuncture for a while and felt that my body was a lot more fertile, but the therapist refused to continue because she couldn't stop me spotting throughout my cycle (no-one and nothing can!). I was doing spiritual life coaching but I stopped because we came to a crossroad - she wanted me to stop thinking about TTC and focus on doing something new with my creative skills and I felt like I just couldn't make that switch.

But as I sit here I think that's where we're at... my husband and I had a talk last night as all of this came to a head and we've discussed the idea of using protection for a few months just to give our minds that break and allow ourselves to look for meaning in other areas of our lives instead. We realised we hadn't just got married to have kids, we have all these other hopes and dreams, things that we CAN control! So we're going to put our energies into those things for a while. We've also brought up the possibility of "what if it never happens?", just so we can begin processing that. It feels important for me to make peace with that possibility so that I can let go of needing this so badly. Which feels like a grief in itself... but there is a sense of relief that comes with it.

I love the letter idea, I hadn't considered that thanks. Writing is so good for processing thoughts and emotions. And sharing has been good too! I really appreciate your reply xx