First of all, I wanted to thank everyone who responded to my prior post.  Your support and your tips about going through IVF were so helpful and so appreciated.  I meant to respond to everyone in some way, but I don't think I did, so I am sending this now.

And I wanted to provide an update.  So, after my negative pregnancy test, I didn't get a period.  I wanted a couple days, and nothing.  Waited a couple more, and decided to take a test.  It was positive!  That was so amazing to see after only ever seeing negatives.  Then the mixed news started to roll in.  I went in for my first beta, and they said my number was lower than expected, so I should come back in two days to make sure it was doubling.  I came back, and two days later, it had more than doubled.  Which seemed like good news!  Except they still felt the number was low and told me to come back in another two days.  I did, and my number didn't double, but it increased about 80%, which really seemed to be moving in the right direction.  The doctor said to come back for an ultrasound at 6.5 weeks.  It was such a huge relief to get a week and a half break from tests.

Then a few days ago I started spotting, mostly brown, sometimes rust colored.  I called and was told that some spotting at this stage was very normal, and that I should call back if it got bright red or heavy.  It didn't get bright red or heavy, but it also didn't go away.  I wasn't having any cramps, so it seemed like maybe things were fine, but the anxiety every time I went to the bathroom of wondering "is this going to be it?" was too much.  So after three days of bleeding, I asked if i could come in for an ultrasound sooner rather than wait another two days for my scheduled appointment.  Went in today, and my uterus was empty :(.

It was a huge let down.  I had been so hopeful that things were finally looking up.  Although I honestly guess I wasn't that surprised because I feel like I've gotten to the point where it's hard to think that something good will happen.  I really couldn't believe my luck at having a positive pregnancy test after a negative on my scheduled test date.  I guess it was just too good to be true...

I feel like the full-blown miscarriage symptoms are starting now...my lower back is really hurting, cramps are starting up, and just have the general bad feeling of a period starting.  I am physically and emotionally drained.  I'm supposed to schedule a time with my doctor this week to discuss a plan.  I don't think I can jump into IVF after this quite yet; I think I need to reassess and maybe take a break.  Confused and sad.  The doctor I saw today did tell me that the positive news is that I got pregnant, which I suppose means it could happen again?  It's really hard to feel there's positive news right now, but I'm trying.