I've been thinking about joining an infertility support group for months and today after breaking down crying while thinking about kids I just realized I needed to just go ahead and do it.

My husband and I tried for about three years before we went into a fertility clinic.  We had gone to my regular doctor (at the time) who referred us to a (very unsupportive) OB/GYN two years in.  Insert a move across the state, a new (much better, actually wonderful) OB/GYN, and a reference to a fertility clinic after getting actual infertility testing done rather than an eye roll and a std screen.  As it turned out in addition to a blocked tube, a benign (as in it "shouldn't affect implantation or development of a fetus according to the doctor) indented uterus, and (probable, but not confirmed) endrometriosis I have low progesterone and while ovulation is happening it's weak.  Ironically otherwise I'm the picture of health.  Luckily my husband has no issues and is the picture of male fertility.

I was actually told that though it would be harder for me to get pregant statistically I should have gotten pregnant at least once by now.  We're about to start our third cycle of IUI after breaking for a month because of an ovarian cyst.  My husband is optimistic, but unfortunately I'm a natural pessimist.  I guess I'm just scared. I didn't realize how stressed I was by the emotional roller coaster I've been on until I took that month long break.

I know stress isn't good, but I can't help it.  In fact I've made an extremley concious effort to de-stress during the process.  I've been told I'm an extremely good candadite for IUI and that I should get pregnant no problem eventually, but that horrid little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering "What if you don't?" "What they're wrong and you can't?" "What if they missed something and you're wasting your time?" 

It probably doesn't help while watching so many other people easily get pregnant, esspecially one couple I know who borderline neglect the children they already have.  In point of fact I've had to stop myself from getting snippy with them for years when they complain about or ignore their children, but especially so after they became pregnant again.

I feel rather silly fretting about it since we plan to adopt from foster care eventually regardless of results of our efforts and I saw signs early on that I'd have fertility issues (my paternal aunt and grandmother both had fertility issues, which luckily my sister didn't inherit) so I was emotionally prepared for infertility even before I married.  I guess I feel more emotionally invested about getting pregnant than I could anticipate or help and I'm not entirely sure what to do about these emotions especially since I'm not normally an overly emotional person.