Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
My husband and I have been trying for seven years to have our own baby, but to no avail. I am 43 and have been diagnosed with PCOS, and very low chance of getting pregnant. We finally found a surrogate, who is living with us. It was just confirmed that she is pregnant and at 7 weeks. We are going in for the first OB appointment today!
I have told some people but with mixed responses. One person even looked at her and asked what she would name the baby and when I said this would be my baby, her response was "not really". How can I get people to understand that this is still my baby? We are using the surrogate's egg because my eggs are not healthy enough, but maybe I should still tell people that it is my egg. I am not telling too many people, but even my sister was kind of negative. Those that aren't close to me are the ones that are not negative.
Any suggestions?
I am sorry, but I am offended by this - you probably are able to have as many children as you want. I am not. I am not living in "LALA LAND" just because I am thinking of this as my child.
For what it's worth, I agree with you, Turtle74. Biology is not determinative of parenthood. If you love your baby and raise it, put in all the hard work, share all the joys, then that is your child, regardless of where the egg came from. I would hope that, with time, including your child in family gatherings will lead your family to become more accepting and eventually loving to your child. After all, almost no one can resist loving little babies. (Plenty of people consider their dogs to be part of their families, regardless of where it came from... you'd think it would be easier to come around to a human child.)
I don't think you have to lie to people. Just calmly and politely set them straight. A quick, "Actually, it's my baby, and we're considering 'Caleb' for a boy or 'Marie' for a girl," should be plenty to put most people in their place.
As a former family law attorney, I guess I agree that it should be carefully documented that this is legally your baby just in case it gets disputed somewhere down the line. But if you have a surrogacy agreement that's legal in your state you're probably fine.
Again, thank you for your response. It does help to have others support. My immediate family hasn't been too negative, but aren't excited quite yet... maybe after we have an ultrasound picture. My mother in law, however, was speechless about the girl name we picked because it is partially after her. :)
By the way, congratulation! How exciting, you're going to be a mom, it doesn't matter how, you get to be a mom!! Good luck to you throughout this journey, don't let anyone bring you down, you're going to be a mom!!!
Congratulations! When is the baby due?