Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Good morning,
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 2 years (it will be two years in June). It has been very difficult on both of us. We have sought out the help of an RE and she has been very kind and helpful. We went through all the testing and we were diagnosed with "unexplained fertility". While I was glad that there was no real "issue", I am finding it hard to cope with the diagnosis. It seems like everyone else on the planet is getting pregnant and we are not.
My husband and I received a phone call yesterday from his older brother that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. I could not even handle the news. I am so angry and people are asking me why I am so angry. I am angry because his brother is an irresponsible person who has been to jail twice and takes absolutely no responsibility for himself. We don't even know this girl and they aren't even married.
I've done everything right. I've worked hard, I try to be kind to others, I attend church, I pray. I know I am not perfect, quite far from it actually. But I am so angry because someone who doesn't seemingly deserve the gift of a child gets it like it is no big deal and we get nothing.
So I am sure that people reading this will judge me. They will think I am being callous and judgmental. But I cannot help but feel the way I feel. I feel angry and hurt.
Can anyone offer some help or support? And please, if it isn't nice or kind or helpful, please don't say anything. I"m already hurt enough as it is.
Thank you in advance.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 2 years (it will be two years in June). It has been very difficult on both of us. We have sought out the help of an RE and she has been very kind and helpful. We went through all the testing and we were diagnosed with "unexplained fertility". While I was glad that there was no real "issue", I am finding it hard to cope with the diagnosis. It seems like everyone else on the planet is getting pregnant and we are not.
My husband and I received a phone call yesterday from his older brother that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. I could not even handle the news. I am so angry and people are asking me why I am so angry. I am angry because his brother is an irresponsible person who has been to jail twice and takes absolutely no responsibility for himself. We don't even know this girl and they aren't even married.
I've done everything right. I've worked hard, I try to be kind to others, I attend church, I pray. I know I am not perfect, quite far from it actually. But I am so angry because someone who doesn't seemingly deserve the gift of a child gets it like it is no big deal and we get nothing.
So I am sure that people reading this will judge me. They will think I am being callous and judgmental. But I cannot help but feel the way I feel. I feel angry and hurt.
Can anyone offer some help or support? And please, if it isn't nice or kind or helpful, please don't say anything. I"m already hurt enough as it is.
Thank you in advance.
First, contrary to what you may think- I find your comments not at all callous. I don't see a judgmental person in your posting- I see a person that is hurt, full of desire to have a child, someone that has conducted herself well in her life and planned things accordingly. I see myself in your posting- I get it. I think many of us get exactly what you are describing.
Even though it is difficult, so very hard, put aside whom "deserves" certain things. Yeah, everybody here deserves a baby before some people- whether it be your BIL, some abuser, or drug addicted person, etc. It's just not fair that women so deserving don't rightfully get their children- all of us have also felt this. In my own opinion- cast away those things that aren't positively impacting your life right now. What got me is that we have to pay over $10K out of pocket just to get pregnant- and others don't have to pay that much to get a baby! That certainly isn't fair but I can't do anything about it. Don't think about your BIL- that's his journey and you have yours. You don't need those negative feelings- as you've said you're hurting and on your own path for children. Put it aside- it doesn't change your circumstances. So very easier said than done but just try to focus on yourself- now is a time for selfishness.
Unexplained infertility is one that I think would be difficult to live with. We are male factor and honestly, we have been put through the ringer in our journey but in the end, we got there. My hear goes out to you- but know there is support here and we understand- keep on working towards that goal!
In my opinion, couples that have dealt with infertility are a special type of people. We quite often have to work very hard for our little ones and the silver lining of that is our kids will reap the benefits of our hardships. We are excellent parents even before we conceive. We work incredibly hard and, don't want to offend anyone, appreciate our kids in a special way than others that haven't been in our shoes. Not to say parents that don't have to deal with infertility aren't wonderful- we just have a special insight.
Keep on working towards that baby! :) Also- keep in mind you have no idea where you will be a year from now. You may have bad days here and there but just keep on going!!! Best of luck!!!! HUG!!!
I started my infertility journey in 2005. I had two miscarriages with my now ex-husband. After the divorce was final I was greatful to God that we did not share a child. Still, I was crushed to believe that my chances of becoming a mom were slim.
In 2010, I met an awesome man. Shortly after I became pregnant and miscarried within days of the good news. Our scenerio would repeat once more before we sought medical help. After blood draws, tests and countless time off from work I was given the diagnosis of unexplained infertility. What is that??? I was pissed!
We decided to try the recommended treatment of IVF. Befor we could use it, I would go on to miscarry three more times. I remember after the third one sitting in my bathroom demanding God to give me my baby. I quickly realized that it's not up to me! I asked for forgiveness, wiped my tears and continued on the layed before me.
After some soul searching I stopped pouting. I realized that God never guaranteed that I would be a mom. He made my sex of the species to carry a child. The desire was a whole other ball of wax and it was up to me to figure that out.
My advice is to be good to yourself and your spouse. The journey of infertility is hard. I pray that God will give you the key to your infertility and bless you according to his will. You are stronger than you know and you will make it through this.
It happened numerous times when i encountered that someone who didn't want the baby got pregnant, complained about it, wanted an abortion, ect while my husband and i went though hell and back trying to conceive. After a while though i got a new perspective. My child will know how much we wanted him/her in our lives, and how much mommy and daddy love him/her. I think the best gift you can ever give your child is letting them know how much you wanted to bring them
into this world and how much you love them. They will always think " " I was a wanted child" It's something special that noone can take away from them....as opposed to children of parents who got pregnant by accidents and didnt want to keep it.
I remember the day i found out that my sister in law was pregnant. We are the same age... and my husband and I are far more 'stable'. I cried the whole way to work... with feeling angry and jealous. Not my finest moment.
My little sister has two children, my brother has 2, sister in law has one... and I swear every friend I know has kids, intentionally or not! It is so hard to be genuinely happy and excited for others without being jealous.
This has been a very long road for us, emotionally exhausting. We just started our first round of IVF last week.
Best of luck!
Life is sometimes unfair but that doesn't mean its hopeless. It helps to focus on all the blessings we do have and to be patient for those that we still await. Don't lose hope and don't lose faith.
But then I think that my life is mine and I am in control. Unless I choose to love myself and my life, I cannot be happy. So I care a damn if someone judges me-I'm sorry you have no idea how I feel.
Let it go girl-go berserk if you want. You are allowed as long as you don't harm others. xx
We've been married since 2008. We've been trying for a baby since 2009. Since there was no success, we visited a leading Gynaec, were advised tests and prescribed medicines. Since nothing happened, my husband took me to an Ayurvedic doctor. Years ago, the same doc had treated my husband's slip disc successfully. The doc gave us medicines and said it's going to be a long term treatment.
After about 6 months of those medications, I missed my periods and hcg test confirmed pregnancy. We were so happy..!! But the happiness was short lived because during scans, it was found that the pregnancy was stuck in the left fallopian tube. I was given methatraxate shots and the pregnancy was terminated on 40th day of pregnancy. When we told this to the ayurvedic doc, he asked us to continue his medications.
After three months, again I missed my periods and pregnancy was confirmed. Again, there was disappointment; this time the pregnancy was stuck in the right fallopian tube. It had to be a laparoscopy this time. After the procedure, the surgeon informed us that my fallopian tubes had scarred tissues and any future pregnancy will be ectopic just like the previous two. Only way out was to have an IVF.
We moved to Delhi and stayed there for a year and had two IVF procedures. First one was simply negative. In the second one, the inserted fetus left the uterus and became ectopic. Even the doctors were aghast that an IVF should become ectopic. It was a rarest of rare cases, they said. Again, methatraxate shots and the pregnancy was terminated.
We were advised to have my tubes removed or permanently clipped so that future IVFs wont become ectopic. But that also meant I could never have any future possible natural pregnancies. ( I learned that that is the usual procedure in western countries - one ectopic and your tubes are removed)
We moved back to our home town. It seemed to be the end of the road. We considered adoption, but the procedure was too complex. Those were the dark days of dejection and depression.
We went back to the ayurvedic doctor. But the doctor himself was bed ridden and wasn't practicing any more. His son, an ayurvedic doctor himself, suggested we visit the nearby ayurvedic hospital and seek a particular doctor by name.
Are we glad that we did that...!! The doctor at the hospital reassured us and started medication immediately. He took a holistic view of my health. He promised us that my next pregnancy - be it natural or IVF - wont be an ectopic; hed break that tendency. Along with, he also treated my severe migraine, successfully.
Even after one year of the treatment I did not conceive. We lost faith in ayurveda and visited an IVF specialist. I was ready to have my tubes removed or clipped. The doctor prescribed an AMH test to check the quality of my eggs (I'm already 36). It turned out that the AMH value was way below and we were told that it had to be an IVF with donor eggs. We were broken...morally and financially. Donor egg IVF would cost almost double that of a normal IVF...
Again we started considering adoption. As a last resort, we went to the ayurvedic doctor again. (Luckily, I had continued with his medication all along). When he learnt about the AMH value, he very confidently said that it can be treated in ayurveda. He asked us to take his medicines for 3 months and the AMH value will become normal; if it doesn't, we can go for donor egg IVF.
Fourth month I missed my periods, tests confirmed my pregnancy. Scans showed the pregnancy is in the uterus. Now, Im into 13th week of pregnancy and NT scan has shown the baby to be healthy and growing. Though I have lot of bleeding and collection of blood in the uterus, the baby is good. I've been advised complete bed rest and have been warned that it is a high risk pregnancy. But I have decided to give birth to our baby, come what may...
I have skipped all the mental turmoil, emotional traumas and the difficulties during the period of infertility in this writeup.
I can only say this: NEVER LOSE HOPE; YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT GOD HAS IN STORE FOR YOU...
Wish you courage and peace.