Hi Everyone,

First time on this site. It has been really nice to read all of your positive comments to each other.

Quick background on us trying to get pregnant: I’m 31, my husband is 34 and we have been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant now for almost 4 years.

We did three rounds of IUI’s (does anyone else hate Clomid as much as I do? I was completely insane on that crap), after the failed third round it was suggested that I might have endometriosis (I had a few mild symptoms) so in April 2018 we optioned for surgery in hoping that we would then be able to get pregnant naturally afterwards. My Dr cleaned up a good chunk of the endo and drained a cyst I had on my left ovary (that being less invasive than completely removing it for my ovary). Three months later in July 2018 I am being rushed to the emergency in beyond immense pain, took the doctors there over 24 hrs to figure out what was wrong with me, turns out that cyst re-filled and ruptured (holly F balls that hurt like nothing I have ever been through before) so had to have the exact same surgery I just had three months prior to fix everything. That was a ton of fun.

With all of that still no luck in getting pregnant so in November 2018 we did our first round of IVF, a couple of days after the transfer we found out none of the other embryos survived for another round and on December 3, 2018 we found out the IVF failed. We were shocked and devastated, that month of December for us (especially me) was brutal. I got myself in a funk and I had a really hard time getting out of it. I wouldn’t say it was anything like a fully blown out depression, but I had a really hard time shaking the sinking feeling I felt.

January 2019, we had our follow up appointment and found out my egg quality sucks. I’m 31 years old but its like my eggs are that of someone in their mid 40’s and older. My Dr recommended we only do one more round of IVF, if it failed again with the same poor egg quality issue there would likely be no point in trying for the third round as I would more than likely have the same issue.

After that appointment we decided we will go for the second IVF round so I have been on a highish dosage of Q enzyme 10 and DHEA hoping it can help with the egg’s quality. I need to take all of this for three months then in April (I now only have one month to go) we will do our last round of IVF. Since the beginning of December 2018, I have also been doing weekly fertility acupuncture to try to help my body out.

So, if you are still with me (thank you for reading my long rant) here is my problem, I have one month to go before I put my body through this tortuous experience again where this time around it will be way more intensive and with more drugs. I am having an extremely hard time staying positive. I am usually a really upbeat confident person, I’ve been through some other shit in my lift that should have dragged me down in a dark hole, but It hasn’t (brother passed away unexpectedly when I was 16) so this is a slightly new experience for me. I know that since my brothers traumatic passing I have been a type of person who over analyses each possible outcome in a situation mentally preparing myself for the worst I think as a coping mechanism. In this scenario I am facing the stress of going through another IVF cycle with the knowledge that this will be my last one, there is no backup plan or safety net with this next round and I am just focusing on the big fate negative I might get after all of this is done. I’m not focusing at all on the fact that there is a possibility I would be holding and cuddling with my miracle baby in the near future I am just focused on the fact that my husband and I will be unable to have kids, and this will be our lot in life.

Has anyone out there gone through this stupid situation and felt the same as me? If so, please let me know what you did to help you get out of this negative funk. I need to go into this next round completely believing it will work and feeling positive. I just feel so stuck

Thanks Everyone