It's been awhile since I last posted. I was "in a good place" for awhile. I had found a new OBGYN and was feeling really hopeful. I thought I came to term with the fact that we might not have a baby. (TTC 18 months) I took a huge leap and decided to go back to school to work on another goal. I thought that if I don't have kids I need to find another way to make an impact in the world. We were still going to try, but I figured its always good to have a back up plan. I am still going back to school, but realized that I really am not ok with not having a child. I am back to a place that is terrifying, and I am so depressed. When I went to my OBGYN last month, I told him that I was willing to try anything at this point. So, he thought that trying Clomid would be a good start. (It is actually my husband who has the "issue": abnormal sperm motility and deformities). They thought maybe if we make me "super fertile" it might help. I start tomorrow. I am so nervous. I am so afraid that its not going to work. I feel so incomplete. I cried so hard the other day that I could not catch my breathe. My husband is so sensitive about his issues, that I can't really talk to him about it. He does not want to consider IVF, and I do not want to adopt. If this Clomid doesn't work, the only other option is IUI.
Please pray for me! I really need this to work.