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So this morning I rung up my mother and sister to talk about my nephew who is in his final year at school and whose marks have dropped drastically (he has a new girlfriend and his parents separated this year so...) my dad sent me his report so I could have a look and see what was happening at home with him. Anyway the reason why I rung them was because my sister had told me only a few days back that my nephew was doing great at school. His marks were supposed to be in the high 70's and 80's and that he was sailing through. In reality his marks are in the low 60's and 50's! I was so angry!
So I rung up to talk to them about implementing a study strategy for my nephew (I am a university lecturer so I do this for students all the time) to help him get on top again. After chatting for a while I asked my mother why she hadn't bothered to check that my sister was telling the truth (she is a compulsive liar) She tell me that she thought she was telling the truth, I said, I am amazed that you never check on her knowing what she is like...
so she come out with the gem... WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD YOU WILL UNDERSTAND... I LOST IT I was sooo angry. this is her difficult position for everything when she wants to make me feel like crap and 'win' an argument. When I pointed this out she says to me... 'oh you always take things out of context!
BLOODY HELL, HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT!
So I rung up to talk to them about implementing a study strategy for my nephew (I am a university lecturer so I do this for students all the time) to help him get on top again. After chatting for a while I asked my mother why she hadn't bothered to check that my sister was telling the truth (she is a compulsive liar) She tell me that she thought she was telling the truth, I said, I am amazed that you never check on her knowing what she is like...
so she come out with the gem... WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD YOU WILL UNDERSTAND... I LOST IT I was sooo angry. this is her difficult position for everything when she wants to make me feel like crap and 'win' an argument. When I pointed this out she says to me... 'oh you always take things out of context!
BLOODY HELL, HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT!
Sorry to scream in all caps but come on already!!! People should know that sometimes those on the outside can see the bigger picture, it doesn't take a Parent to see that there is a problem!!!!
What do I know though,,,,I don't have any kids yet either :/
Sorry for the multiple f bombs, but this really chaps my ass.
I'm so sorry your mom said that to you. It's too bad others don't realize how deep those words hurt :(
That is ultra insensitive and would send any of us through the roof.
We're may be in different continents but we all feel the same.
Fertility struggles have no communication barriers.
It's sad that your mom can't see how obviously hurtful her words are or even worse is intentionally being hurtful.
Sorry you were on the receiving end of this.
PolkaDotGirl you crack me up with your planned response for "next time". Love it.
What makes her response extra unfair is you have lived with your sister growing up and KNOW what she is like and you didn't give birth to her to know her like the back of your hand as a sibling. You were challenging your mom on your sister knowing what she is like and her not staying on top of things with her OWN kid and she turned the tables on you and played the you are childless therefore you are clueless card on you in response.
It's not an option that will make you feel good because it's clear you care about your nephew but you can always just not care about his grades and let him live his life and screw it up in his own special way and when his mother, (your sister) complains about her kid you can always make a crack about her shoddy parenting :0) It's not a christian or gracious response but it is tit for tat in the vebal blows being delt out in the famliy. If family can verbally sucker punch you in the gut because you are not a parent, it's fair game to point out their own crappy parenting skills right? Again it's not a nice thread of thought on my part to think like this but sometimes when you get hit with ugly it just feels great to hit with ugly right back.
What people don't realize is that sometimes NOT having children makes us better equipped. We can see the obvious that their dumbasses can't see. Plus, because WE all want this so damn badly, we probably know so much more about being a parent than most of these half wit parents do!
I'm finishing up my training as a marriage and family counselor. I am just waiting for the day when someone is going to try and tell me that I don't know what i'm talking about because I don't have children. It will be VERY hard to not tell them "Fuck you. You're obviously doing a great job, as you're sitting here asking ME for help..."
1) "you're so lucky you have no kids"
(my thought: you're so lucky I can't punch you.)
2) "when are you going to have kids"
(my thought: how many times did I tell you we are trying. Are you stupid!!!)
3) "don't wait too long, once you hit 40 it's impossible to get pregnant"
(my thought: Really??? So you're telling me I only have 2 years left for any chance of babies....no pressure.)
4) "just wait till you have kids"
(my thought: why am I hanging out with you again???)
5) "you'll understand when you have kids"
(my thought: so when I have kids I'll understand why you're kid is still wearing a diapers when he's 6?)
6) "you'll be different when you have kids"
(my thought: no way Sharlock!)