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My husband and I have 1 son, and he will be 8 in March. We started trying right after our son's 1st birthday to have another baby. In 7 years, we've had 4 pregnancies all ending in miscarriage, never lasting more than 10 weeks. I have PCOS, so I don't ovulate very often.
Last June, my best friend of 15 years passed away. An hour after I found out, my sister-in-law told me she was pregnant. A month later, she tells me how she was on birth control when she got pregnant. Then she gave birth in December to a perfectly healthy baby girl. To add to that, she named her Madeleine.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted a daughter. I would name all of my dolls "Madalyn". When I was pregnant with my son, if he had been a girl, his name was going to be Madalyn Grace. My sister-in-law knew about it and talked about it often because we were very close.
Now every time I log in to FaceBook or check my cell phone, she's posting pictures or texting them to me. It's a constant daily reminder of all the pain and heartache I have been going through for 7 years. I don't know what to do about it. Everyone asks me "Did you see Maddy's new pics?" She's the talk of the family. And here I sit, without a daughter, and I have to hear the name that I picked out more than 20 years ago. And to make matters worse, she looks a lot like my husband, and people have commented that she looks more like him than she does her parents!
I know this all probably seems so immature, but it brings back so much pain that I don't WANT to see pictures of my niece, I avoid my sister-in-law's calls, and I want nothing to do with them. I tried for so long, and here she has a daughter while on birth control and names her what I planned on naming my daughter if I ever have one.
What should I do? My husband joked with her and said, "You know that if we have a daughter, there will be 2 girls in the family with the same name?" She got mad at him and told him that wouldn't be fair to her. What the hell??? Not fair to her?? When she was pregnant with her first child, she had a completely different name if it had been a girl. Turns out that she had a boy, so she didn't use the name.
I feel bad that I'm so upset with her about this. She had her baby first. But it really does upset me. There's nothing I can do about this. I'm stuck with all the pain and the huge slap in the face from my sister-in-law. She shouldn't have told me she was pregnant right after I told her that my best friend had died. And she shouldn't have used the name that I chose for when I have a daughter. She knows about all the fertility problems. I'm not mad that she had a daughter. I'm not even mad that she had her while on birth control. That's not her fault, even though that does upset me because of how much my husband and I have struggled to have another baby. But what she did just added to the pain and heartache.
Does anyone have any advice at all? (And I know, pick another name... right? That's not what I need advice on.) How do I get over this so I can finally look at my niece? Has anyone else ever been in this situation before?
Last June, my best friend of 15 years passed away. An hour after I found out, my sister-in-law told me she was pregnant. A month later, she tells me how she was on birth control when she got pregnant. Then she gave birth in December to a perfectly healthy baby girl. To add to that, she named her Madeleine.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted a daughter. I would name all of my dolls "Madalyn". When I was pregnant with my son, if he had been a girl, his name was going to be Madalyn Grace. My sister-in-law knew about it and talked about it often because we were very close.
Now every time I log in to FaceBook or check my cell phone, she's posting pictures or texting them to me. It's a constant daily reminder of all the pain and heartache I have been going through for 7 years. I don't know what to do about it. Everyone asks me "Did you see Maddy's new pics?" She's the talk of the family. And here I sit, without a daughter, and I have to hear the name that I picked out more than 20 years ago. And to make matters worse, she looks a lot like my husband, and people have commented that she looks more like him than she does her parents!
I know this all probably seems so immature, but it brings back so much pain that I don't WANT to see pictures of my niece, I avoid my sister-in-law's calls, and I want nothing to do with them. I tried for so long, and here she has a daughter while on birth control and names her what I planned on naming my daughter if I ever have one.
What should I do? My husband joked with her and said, "You know that if we have a daughter, there will be 2 girls in the family with the same name?" She got mad at him and told him that wouldn't be fair to her. What the hell??? Not fair to her?? When she was pregnant with her first child, she had a completely different name if it had been a girl. Turns out that she had a boy, so she didn't use the name.
I feel bad that I'm so upset with her about this. She had her baby first. But it really does upset me. There's nothing I can do about this. I'm stuck with all the pain and the huge slap in the face from my sister-in-law. She shouldn't have told me she was pregnant right after I told her that my best friend had died. And she shouldn't have used the name that I chose for when I have a daughter. She knows about all the fertility problems. I'm not mad that she had a daughter. I'm not even mad that she had her while on birth control. That's not her fault, even though that does upset me because of how much my husband and I have struggled to have another baby. But what she did just added to the pain and heartache.
Does anyone have any advice at all? (And I know, pick another name... right? That's not what I need advice on.) How do I get over this so I can finally look at my niece? Has anyone else ever been in this situation before?
My advice would be, take some time. Pray about it and try to work through your pain.
As far as the name thing. My best friend and bridesmaid named her son the exact same name I was going to name my son. This was way before we were going through infertility. But she knew what I wanted to name a son if I ever had one before she even got pregnant.
Just pray for peace and understand- that's what I do. Hope this helps! Good luck to you!