Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I survived my SIL baby shower on Sunday. It actually went ok for me. I took some of your advice and helped out with things...I was the one who brought the gifts to her and took them away so I was concentrating on that rather than what she was opening.
Whenever I felt myself getting a bit sad...I would think one day this will be me and we will have an adopted baby that will be ours. I had to keep reminding myself that.
There were two insensitive things that happened with my in-laws. I talked to my middle SIL before the shower and said I might not stay the whole time. And she was like...why are you sick, are you tired...is there some announcement you want to make to me. Which TOTALLY pissed me off and had me loose sleep because I had told her we were probably NEVER getting pregnant.
Then my other SIL and MIL - we were playing these games...and there was one where I just couldn't think of anything and it was upsetting me - it had to do with making up a question for taking care of a baby. So I just decided I wouldn't play this game because I was getting upset. Well...of course they come to me first and it was like two big heads and mouths coming into my face taunting me like in the movies- YOU HAVE TO HAVE A QUESTION...COME ONE...YOU HAVE TO...COME ON...THINK OF SOMETHING. YOU HAVE TO PLAY...thank goodness for the girl next to me...she gave me something to write. They have no clue how hard that shower was for me. They are such insensitive people....never giving a thought to their brother and I never having a biological child.
Whenever I felt myself getting a bit sad...I would think one day this will be me and we will have an adopted baby that will be ours. I had to keep reminding myself that.
There were two insensitive things that happened with my in-laws. I talked to my middle SIL before the shower and said I might not stay the whole time. And she was like...why are you sick, are you tired...is there some announcement you want to make to me. Which TOTALLY pissed me off and had me loose sleep because I had told her we were probably NEVER getting pregnant.
Then my other SIL and MIL - we were playing these games...and there was one where I just couldn't think of anything and it was upsetting me - it had to do with making up a question for taking care of a baby. So I just decided I wouldn't play this game because I was getting upset. Well...of course they come to me first and it was like two big heads and mouths coming into my face taunting me like in the movies- YOU HAVE TO HAVE A QUESTION...COME ONE...YOU HAVE TO...COME ON...THINK OF SOMETHING. YOU HAVE TO PLAY...thank goodness for the girl next to me...she gave me something to write. They have no clue how hard that shower was for me. They are such insensitive people....never giving a thought to their brother and I never having a biological child.
I wish you all the luck in the world with the adoption process, even though it will not be your biological child, he / she will be that much more special as they have been chosen especially!
Take Care!
Good luck with the next step of your journey!
I did not go to my own sister's shower 3 yrs ago. It was just a month after my first failed IVF at 39 yrs old & I sat home & cried ALL day.....longer & harder than when we found out our BETA was negative--I was too in shock that day to cry. I know I would have felt worse if I had not done EVERYTHING for her wedding shower the year before...but I just had to step back & try to forget what was happening...it was just too much for me emotionally to comprehend ANYONE's baby shower...it was as if I had miscarried the day before....
I still feel sad for not going but I don't think I "regret" it as my husband had warned that I might. He kept telling me that day that it looked "bad" that I could not go. I thought that too all day but I feel I did only what I was able to do that day emotionally. I don't think I could have kept from crying if I had gone & I wouldn't have wanted to be the only one crying sad tears when I should have been happy for someone else's good fortune. I am sure there are others (friends & family) who think I was such a spoiled sport but grief is very complicated & alot of people who have never experienced a loss have a hard time understanding it. They are the lucky ones.
The thought that haunted me most that long, tearful day at home was how awful I would feel if I finally did get pregnant & it was my "turn" for a baby shower....why should anyone come for me since I couldn't go to my sister's? How awful would I feel then?
Well, I cried myself to sleep & the resolution I woke up with that night was that although I loved going to/planning bridal showers, for some reason I really NEVER enjoyed baby showers & I would firmly & respectfully discourage anyone from any suggestions to throw me one...in deference to everything I had been thru. Anyone with a difficult journey to getting pregnant/staying pregnant would understand how a baby shower is somewhat of a "jinx" that everything will undoubtedly go as planned....when there's so much still that can go wrong delivering, etc...
3 yrs later I am still as resolute on my "no-shower" decision. My sadness is still as raw as that day (I am still childless) & I decline all baby showers & even christenings since then. I always call as soon as soon as I get the invitation to say I have a "conflict"....no one needs to know what exactly that "conflict" is...but I make sure my gift is very special & personal & over the top.
Heck, baby showers are regarded as bad luck in some religions...so I feel no guilt in trying to "buck {this stupid} tradition"....
You were smart to get involved with all the "chores" of the party to distract yourself...that was such perfect advice! I give you so much credit for going along & playing all those games....kudos!!!
It is all these silly set-in-stone old-fashioned traditions that are so so cruel & insensitive...