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So I told all of inlaws about my husband's and my unexplained infertility a few months ago and basically received all the comments that are hurtful and have received no support or anything since. I did get a card in the mail saying if I wanted to talk...but why would I open up to my PREGNANT SIL...ugh...like she would understand. My youngest (of 3) SIL is due to have her baby in August. Yesterday the MIL springs on me that they are going to have the baby shower on July 19th...the same day my ONLY real friend at work is getting married and I already told her I'd go. I am very hurt by my inlaws that they did not ask me if I would be free that day. I know I probably would not have gone to the shower because I am not emotionally able to handle it but they don't know that. I feel they have been incredibly insensitive to not ask me about the date. Then the MIL has the nerve to ask my husband if I am ignoring my youngest SIL....I mean why should I be bending over backwards to this family when they can not even ask me if I am free for the day they plan this event. And I can't believe that the MIL can't even try and understand what I am going through and how maybe talking to a VERY pregnant SIL might be VERY hard for me to deal with. I really hate my inlaws they make things more difficult for me by their blatant disregard for me. Everything is always about them and their family. I was in a car accident last week where I could have died and I hadn't talked to my MIL since then and the first thing she says to me when I go over to her house is "aren't you excited". I'm like excited about what ... I was just in a car accident. These people have no clue. Then she didn't even say what I should be excited about. So weird. But I am the weird one...
They don't understand IF. And they don't seem to take my feelings into consideration when it comes to family functions either.
My DH's brother's wife is very understanding. She has been a good friend and let me vent more than once. She tells me that their family is just difficult.
i am hear for you if you ever need to vent! hang in there, as long as you got your DH you are ok!!
I truly understand your frustration. You hope/pray/expect family to be the MOST supportive of you when you have struggles. You need family to "rally" around you and support you and it's utterly heartbreaking when they don't meet that need. IF is hard, and it's uniquely difficult to understand for anyone who HASN'T experienced it. Family, often times with good INTENT, can be the worst offenders at saying hurtful things. It sounds like your In Laws are just cluelessly and since they are just learning of your struggles...just don't 'get it'. While you may want them to be more supportive....they just aren't. At some point you may have to accept that try to cope as best you can.
On the flip side, I don't see the baby-shower thing quite the same as you do. I ABSOLUTELY AGREE wtih you that they are being insensitive in general, but a baby shower rightfully SHOULD be focused on the expectant mother. Perhaps that was the only day that worked for her....or perhaps that was the day that worked best for the hostess. In either case, unless they are asking you to co-host, I don't feel they needed to 'clear the date' with you ahead of time. After all, when you finally get your BFP- you'll want all the attendant attention and pampering that other pregnant moms want/deserve. I think things are just more difficult/painful becuase of your struggles in general. Kind of like if you bite your tongue on accident- and then EVERYTHING hurts it for some reason cause it's already swollen. Same concept here.
As difficult as it is, and as heartless as your In Laws seem to be, you'll want to guard your heart a little bit to avoid becoming bitter. These people will be family FOREVER and as much as you don't like them right now, this period of struggle in your life is not forever.
I would encourage you to protect yourself a little bit from hurtful situations, and just keep focusing on you and your DH and your family planning. If your In Laws say/do hurtful things just try to let it roll off your back and not affect you too much.
I'm sure I don't have the whole story/situation and there is likely more to this than just what you have posted here....but hopefully all the support on this board and all our tidbits of advice are helpful.
1. I am told by them that I am part of the family and if someone doesn't make me feel this way then they want to know. One SIL has 3 other SIL who always make her feel left out of her husband's family. So when they plan a date without asking me how should I feel...I feel I am not part of the family.
2. They expect me to help with the shower...food/favors etc. So I would think they would want me to be available on the date and ask me.
3. I don't feel I am out of place thinking they should try and understand what we are going through. They might not understand but they could try. I don't think its unreasonable. If I found out one of them had some medical problem I would make sure not to upset them. It is simple human kindness to do so.
Of course you did not know the whole story. All I know is that if I would ever become pregnant I would never want to exclude any ONE of my SIL from my shower...because they are family and they are important. By doing what they did they are saying I am unimportant to their family.