Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Mrs2014 03/03/2016

First up, I am sorry for those of you suffering from primary infertility. I used to be one of you and every time a post on secondary infertility came up, I would avoid it like the plague as I thought " you already have a child...what MORE could you want"...well I was wrong. Secondary infertility is heartbreaking as well. I read somewhere that infertility is incurable....and it is. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you are cured.
I was here just over a year ago looking for support as we went through IVF..miraculously, it worked and we now have a healthy baby. Already though, we are looking at trying for a second baby and failing miserably.
In my naivety, I thought I would be one of those miracle cliches you hear about-you know the ones that struggle for years, finally get pregnant with IVF and then a few months later just happen to accidentally get pregnant naturally. It wasn't meant to be. SO we have an appointment in a few weeks with our RE to start the FET process again and I am beyond scared. I just feel like such a failure. What makes it so much worse is that my husband is Mr perfect. I feel like he must look down on me with a mixture of sympathy and superiority..because it is not his fault we cant conceive..its mine. Everything about him is perfect and I know that somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, he blames me and is smug in the knowledge that he remains flawless. This has caused a huge rift in our marriage and I am finding this all too much to bear right now. I guess I was just hoping to reach out to anyone who may feel the same way...

blbnjf 03/03/2016

Infertility is definitely incurable. I feel like even if I am lucky to come out on the other side of IF, I will still always feel anxiety and stress related to it. Going through IVF treatments is incredibly stressful and time consuming, and I can only imagine trying to go through it with a newborn. With that said, you should make sure not to let yourself get dragged down by treatments right now- the negativity will wear you down. You have a baby who needs you, and the reality is, this might be your only chance to experience life with a newborn. Don't let that pass you by because you are wrapped up in something that you do not have any control over. Right now, you have control over that beautiful baby that you recently gave birth to and you owe it to yourself to enjoy every minute of it. Also, it seems like you have a lot of stress due to some unresolved issues with your husband. As hard as it is, a calm and optimistic demeanor would be more beneficial to your whole little family, so you should try to deal with anything causing you any extra grief right now before you get started with a FET. All of these things are easier said than done, I know, but it will make the FET process more bearable and easier to deal with in the long run. Sending peaceful thoughts your way...

heretochat 03/17/2016

Hello, Mrs2014.
Your post makes me so sad as there is really nothing to be done about infertility. Having straggled it once doesn't seems you won't face it again. And this is so emotionally draining!!
All our life we have been dreaming about having a happy big family. For one one child is just enough, for ours - more than one definitely! But this is the game we aren't writing rules in and often it doesn't create miracles...which is terribly heartbreaking..
We're still dealing now with the primary infertility, still having hope and loosing it in tough moments. It just happens, and no one can ease the pain..We've been struggling for years, following wrong advice, have 1 round ICSI behind the belt which ended in early miscarriage and brought so many sufferings and disappointment..
Being finally diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve we went overseas for treatment. This time DE IVF (in Ukraine) due to my eggs aging as well.(Too much time was spent in vain, unfortunately :(
So this is not actually the story you were asking for and I cannot relate to secondary infertility while still struggling the primary. But I just couldn't leave your post unanswered as I've been surviving lots of dreadful things now which are so familiar to yours.. Pain rarely changes..
Let me hug you strongly and just say you're not alone x
PS: men cannot understand what we have to go through up to the end, unfortunately not....

ivfanne 03/30/2016

You're not alone in feeling this way! Many women feel like it's their fault but this isn't the case. I'm sure your husband doesn't think this.

Here's an article on secondary infertility you may find useful. It talks about why secondary infertility can be so difficult.
http://www.nymetroparents.com/article/paul-gindoff-md-explains-secondary-infertility

Mrs2014 03/30/2016

Thanks for your comments and support. I am so sorry it was such a hateful and negative post. ivfanne, you are right, my husband doesn't think like that at all. I was in a really bad place at the time of writing that and needed to vent. We have explored all of the options and are deciding to go ahead with an FET starting soon. I am not expecting miracles, but hopefully and statistically, we will get pregnant...eventually. It may not be this time around or the next but we have an action plan if we aren't successful and that makes me feel a whole lot better. Thanks again for the support...it speaks volumes about your character, especially those of you on here going through primary IF. You are all amazingly strong people.

blbnjf 03/30/2016

I am so happy to read your comment that you are in a better place. This is such an incredibly emotional process and I have gone down to some lowest of the lows, so I definitely understand where you were coming from at the time of you wrote this. Having a plan and then a backup plan was the only thing that has kept me sane during this process- so much damn time is spent waiting and feeling like you can't do anything to make any progress. Planning was the only thing that made me feel like I was actually "doing" something. Sending you some positive FET vibes- good luck!

pheebz 05/30/2020

Thank you for bringing up this topic and being so open about secondary infertility. Somehow many people decided that if you have a child(children) then your inability to conceive another baby is not a big deal. They say "Be grateful you have a child! Someone doesn't have any." So what should I do now? Should I forget my struggle and comfort myself with thoughts about others who don't have children at all? I'm sorry for them, but I'm sorry for me too! And I'd like others to not devalue my secondary infertility. I had my daughter at 30. When she was 5 we decided to try for a sibling for her. We've been trying for 2 years. I had 2 IVF cycles, one mc. Now I'll have to go through a cycle of IVF with donor eggs. It’s hard to explain the yearning to have another child. I want it for me, to have two children in my life, two little people to love and adore and I want it for him. I want him to have a sibling he can play with, grow with, to have a shared history with and to support him for the rest of his life when his dad and I are long gone. I want to have another child and maybe it sounds strange, but I just can't imagine my future without having another baby.

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