Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Confused77 07/22/2017

Hello all,

I imagine my story isn't much different from others so I am grateful to be amongst others who understand. I honestly never realized how much this would affect me and how quickly, but it's getting harder as time passes and, while I used to be able to remain cautiously optimistic, I'm finding it much more difficult and am becoming a bitter person I don't like.

Briefly, I am 40 and, after the end of a 10-year relationship, I finally started to focus on myself and the desire I have for having a family. Likely not the best timing, but I'm, in a way, glad I did since it turns out my AMH is already low. I have since had six IUIs and then moved on to IVF, the first cycle of which failed even to retrieve any eggs. I really fell apart after that failure. I go in on Monday for removal of an ovarian cyst and, as my RE says, to "put everything back where it should be" so that hopefully they will be able to access my ovaries more effectively in future retrieval attempts. The RE and surgeon are both very optimistic, but I just feel as if the deck is stacked against me. And it's my fault because I focused on other people and waited too long.

Worse is that I am incredibly bitter. Walking down the street, I can feel the jealousy and bitterness anytime I see people with children, especially when they have multiple. I realize that I have no idea what they went through to get there, but it isn't a rational reaction. And my sister has a 15-month-old daughter whom I absolutely adore, but it is so hard to see her because I am so incredibly jealous and scared to death that I won't be able to have the same thing.

Sorry for the rambling, but it's helpful to at least put it all out there even if there are no answers.

kfurns615 07/23/2017

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I am not in the same situation as you but to give you a quick background I am 29 years old and have been actively TTC for 15 months. I just got done with my first IVF cycle after two failed IUI cycles and ended up pregnant only to end up with an early miscarriage a few days later so I understand the emotional turmoil you are going through. Although all of us have different circumstances that are contributing to our infertility journey, we are all going through the same rollercoaster of emotions. I too am starting to find myself getting bitter in so many ways. I find myself angry with pregnant people and just women in general with children, I think why not me? What have I done to deserve this? However, each day I try to wake up and think of all the other things in my life that are wonderful...even if they aren't huge things. Have you ever tried yoga or acupuncture? I have been doing yoga for a couple of years and find it to be a nice refuge when I'm in my dark places.

sadgirl1724 07/27/2017

Thank you so much for sharing your story, I feel so much shame and guilt when I used to get jealous and envious of any family or friends that became pregnant while my husband and I went through the loss or our first pregnancy and then another horrendous one year of grieving and then another 4 months of trying again. So for me technically it felt like 14 months of torture and no baby. I finally have come to terms with my anger and disappointment, I still like a failure every month I see my period but I'm no longer jealous or envious, I'm happy for others and have learned to deal with my struggle. It never gets easier but you do learn how to manage it with time. You are not selfish for feeling this way!

torileetorilee 07/28/2017

hey you promise that you wont lose hope ok? YOU MUST PROMISE!!!!!!!!!! anyway
my husband and I have been trying this, I was recommended by my friend to try Bananas, Citrus Fruits, Brussel Sprouts, Chicken and Almonds they said they are fertility fruits, Im not sure if they really helped me conceive, because I already asked my doctor's advise regarding this. Shes helping us conceive. She told me about this Assisted Conception like a repeated cycles of treatment that might help me get pregnant. its hard to explain you can look here if you want www.anntan.com.sg. anyway, what did your doctor advise you? I hope we can help you in anyway.
Just remember that you have to keep a constant connection with your friends, an open communication is needed, because you need a string support group. Okay? be safe.

GraspingAtStraws 08/10/2017

Oh, i feel you. I could have written the same post 5 years ago, when i was 40, that would have meant that I had taken things into my own hands. But I waited another 2 years with that guy, then immediately got into a 3 year relationship in which I still didn't press him to get moving on IUI (didn't want to pressure him because he was going through career change etc and because he's fragile) even though I told him up front that having a baby was a priority. Fast forward to now, about to start my 3 rd cycle of IUI and he's not talking to me because he thinks I am not being supportive of his career change (again). My RE says my chances are so low I should save my money. My brother and his wife juat had their 3rd boy (didnt even want to get pregnant) and I want to lose my f*ing mind! All I can say is go, go, go, lady! I so much want you to have kids! And all I can say to anyone younger is Freeze Your Eggs now!!

judithbeast 08/11/2017

I know what you mean about feeling jealous around pregnant women. I totally get jealous. I found out the other day that my husband's cousin and his wife are expecting twins...and they were not even trying. I told him that I think it's unfair and he said that it's unfair for them in a way. Face palm.
I wish you the best and will be praying for you.

Confused77 08/31/2017

Thank you all for your comments and well wishes. I feel horrible that so many of us are experiencing this struggle, but it is comforting to know that I'm not alone and that many people, even people I don't know, are pulling for me. I should be doing a retrieval in the next few days so maybe that is helping, but I received a birth announcement from a friend the other day and didn't completely lose my mind, so that's promising, right?

I echo what you said, GraspingAtStraws - for younger women, please give yourself options. It's a cliche, but a true one, that time flies. A close friend of mine keeps reminding me that it's the complete lack of control that is so frustrating. For so many things in life, we have some control over the outcome - career, partner, home ownership, etc. In this, we have very little. I'm taking back some by doing IVF, but, ultimately, I can't control whether it will work. This makes me more humble, for sure, but it's so painful.

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