Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Pregnant relatives.

missy12358104
missy12358104
Lately I have been trying to deal with the fact that my sister in law is pg. She is due in August. I am trying to be happy for her but I am finding it difficult. The jealousy just overcomes me. I suppose that I will just need to learn to get over it. My sister in law is in town this weekend and she is staying with my mother in law. I am nervous and upset about seeing her because I know that if I go over there everyone will say to me oh dont worry just relax it will happen or you can always adopt. I hate it when people say this to me. They do not know what I am going through. My husband and I grieved the loss of our fertility and have finally accepted the fact that we are not going to be able to have children and we are at a point in our lives where we are starting to feel happy again. But when people say those things, even though they think that they are comforting us, it hurts because it only reminds me that I am not able to have children and it brings up painful feelings. I know that my husband hurts when these things are said also as he does not like to talk about his sister in law or brother very much and remains quite about it. My husband and I have already moved on but how can I get my family members to accept our decision and move on as well?
nikkinash08
nikkinash08
I am so sorry. Is your family fully aware of your situation? If so I think it is appropriate to take them aside and let them know how you feel. You can tell them that you would apprciate them not giving you advice and that you have moved on from this point. Are you planning on adopting? Is that why they say that?
deleted_user
deleted_user
im so sorry about ur situation. i understand where u are coming from. my husband and i are still in the fertility treatment stage and people around us just dont understand. the first thing my mother inlaw said was its no big deal if u cant have ur own kids, and coming from a women who has her own childeren and had no problem concieving is like a kick in the face. she makes comments all the time that she doesnt think we need the fertility treatment and if we just relax and try it will come naturally. but the bottom line is they just cant understand not even a little bit about going through anything like this. going through this can only make us stronger and remeber to take one day at a time. u are in my thoughts and prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi. My sister in law is due in May, and I have delt with the same annoying, insensative comments, so I totally understand what you are going through. First things first...to feel jelious is natural when we are in this situation, it's just what we do with the feelings that matter. Just take it one situation at a time. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. You'll do fine, you are not alone ! smiles
deleted_user
deleted_user
oh, i know what you mean. My retarded sister in law (that i hate regardless of her fertility) is being induced on tuesday and i know ill have to go to the hospital to see her and hear her talk about every disgusting detail of her labour for the next year. I cant help but be jealous so i have embrassed it. Im going to be jealous no matter what so im enjoying it, lol (only with my husband of course). It makes me feel a little better. There is no sense beating yourself up over it, its natural to feel that way.
As far as people saying the wrong things, well i dont think there is much that can be done. In my family (mostly in-laws) if i were to tell them how it made me feel they would take it the wrong way. Our strategy was to not tell anyone anything and let them say whatever they want. when they ask us about kids we just give them some vague answer that they are unsatisfied with and walk away. Maybe it bother them but quite frankly, when we choose to reproduce is our business. The fact that its a struggle for us just makes that fact even more valid.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i'm sorry to hear about your situation. if it's any consolation, i'm going through the same thing. one of my SIL had her first child and i was super happy for her. another SIL that i'm not fond of just announced yesterday that she's pregnant. this time, i'm sad and jealous. i think the underlying issue is that i just don't like this SIL. the best thing that we can do to overcome jealousy issues is just be yourself. there's nothing that says we have to congratulate them or go see them. my SIL posted her pregnancy on fb and i'm going to just ignore it like i didn't see it.... childish? yes, but who cares!