You are not alone, I think many of us can relate to most of your story. It is so frustrating and isolating, but you are absolutely not alone!! The unsolicited comments/advice are the worst! I would sometimes just want to punch people in the face or say something really inappropriate back to them. Hang in there. Get as much information as you can and do what feels right/best for you. I know this is so hard, and it is DEFINITELY unfair, but keep moving forward. Try to take it one appointment at a time, you can do this.

The comments are so annoying it's not even funny. People don't realize what they say just isn't helpful. People ask me what they can say and i'm llike say nothing unless i bring it up to you. I"m totally with you on the being ok and then sad and then angry. it's like the weather - and sometimes, at a given minute or hearing someone say something i'll change moods. Lately my challenge has been in the stores - seeing baby clothes, baby furniture etc. It's new b/c i was never really like this before..Totally there with the why us feelings too... Someone here posted a few of their favorite responses to when they were asked or had stupid comments made - i'll look and see if i can find it. Something about a blow out at the Thanksgiving table, and right after, i think she calmly asked someone to pass the turkey. (Sorry if i have the details wrong to anyone who might be offended!)

I found it... I hope it's ok that i am re-posting this Sageeyedgirl 11/25/2016 it made such an impact on me that i want to share it:


I feel the exact same way. I'm very private and I hate having to answer that question. This is definitely not the right thing to do...but it did make me feel better, haha. I actually snapped in bitterness and they were going to feel just as crappy and uncomfortable as I do. Thanksgiving dinner 2015 - our entire family enjoying turkey and my mother in law asks the dreaded question. My response, instead of laughing it off was "well, it's funny you should ask, it's not quite as straight forward as you would think. Apparently, everyone else in the world can just have sex and get pregnant, but since that hasn't worked for 3 years, I get to go for invasive vaginal exams every three months and get a transvaginal ultrasound wand shoved up my woo-hoo for good measure because my cervical mucous isnt telling enough...next month, your son gets to masterbate into a cup. We'll let you know how it goes if you'd like. Please pass the mashed potatoes and thanks for asking."

No one's mentioned it since.

I've totally hit the bitter phase hard. One of my friends wife ( who got pregnant after telling her boyfriend at the time that it wasn't likely she'd ever be able to naturally get pregnant, so they had unprotected sex, and what do you know, a shot gun marriage and 9 months later a healthy baby boy) is hosting a Norwex party and put in the invite "since there are so many little ones in our lives, this natural product is great". I declined so fast after reading that and proceeded to bitch about her for 5 min to anyone that would listen. I'm also dreading going to my OB at the end of this month because I know there will be a waiting room full of glowing pregnant ladies...I hate feeling this way

Not that I am glad that you all are going through this, but it is reassuring that I am not crazy for feeling the way I do. Sometimes I dont even think that my husband truly understands why I feel the way I do. of course, he's always handled stress differently. He's frustrated and upset that it hasnt happened but I am by far taking this way harder than he is.

NJ42- Thank you for your support. I truly appreciate your kind words - it means alot. It is nice knowing that other people can share the feelings I have. My family and friends have never gone through this so its hard talking to them about it.

Lilie - thank you for sharing that story of that woman at Thanksgiving. I wish I had the guts to say that to my mother in law haha or anyone else that makes those comments for that matter! what a great response, of course thats what I'm usually thinking when people ask haha.

ATC_ Alli - I could not agree more with people who make comments about all the wonderful babies in our lives - I am happy for people who have children and enjoy parenthood - but i just dont think they understand how hurtful it can be for those of us struggling. I actually deleted Facebook because I couldnt stand all the friggin baby announcements that seemed to be filling my news feed. Probably one of the best things I could have done for my sanity.

OMG, I toooootally got off of Facebook - best thing I've ever done for my sanity! Just not worth it, and on any given day I could be doing okay and then wham - another baby announcement. It has been a RELIEF not being on FB!

Also - a few other things I want to comment on:

You can usually ask at your OB/Gyn office if they have a day/time set aside for non-pregnancy appointments. Not all offices do, but I know mine did, and if those swollen bellies are going to send you into a tailspin, you may as well just ask. I've also heard of offices where you can ask to wait in one of the exam rooms instead of waiting in the waiting room. May be worth a try, ATC_Alli.

In terms of annoying comments, I think this totally depends on the commenter. If you can ask (maybe in an email?) family members to kindly stop asking when you'll be pregnant, or assign someone else (your mom or husband) to let people know, that can be really helpful. And you can just tell strangers and acquaintances to F*** off, b/c who the hell cares anyway? I am a big advocate for trying to let people know--in whatever way makes you most comfortable--that no, it is absolutely NOT appropriate to ask me when I'm going to be pregnant or why I'm not pregnant yet or whatever. If it feels right to you, you should say something.

I also agree about husbands not understanding. Maybe this isn't true for everyone, but my husband and I really struggled with being on different pages. While we were still in the trying to conceive naturally phase, he kept getting annoyed that I was so frustrated and stressed out. He thought I was overreacting. He actually got a little angry when I burst into tears at a baby announcement! I don't think this is true of all men, but please don't think you're the only one with a husband who doesn't quite seem to understand! That's what this community is for! You are not crazy for feeling really upset about this -- I assure you that this is TRULY VERY UPSETTING. Not being able to get pregnant with the baby you always imagined is traumatizing, and it is normal to feel grief and anxiety. Whatever happens, please just know that everything you are feeling is NORMAL.

You certainly aren't alone! It is so hard to understand why you have to be the one that struggles with infertility when everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant with no problem. So much of what you have said is similar to how I feel. I have a really close friend that got pregnant on the very first time trying. She doesn't understand what we have been going through. We just had our 5th fail with IVF and did further genetic testing to try to figure out what is wrong? Everything came back normal & my friend actually said to me now you can relax & just try on your own. It's frustrating when you feel like no one gets it!!! I wish you the best and just know you are not alone in this journey!

You're not alone! It's hard hearing these things from those who have not experienced infertility. Almost everything you have said, I feel or can relate too. Our journey has really just begun. I started Clomid this past Thursday. But I struggle with why and how is this fair? I've seen many people announce their pregnancies, give birth, and even fall pregnant again in the time we've been trying. I have a cousin who just had a baby this past week and they gave it up for adoption because they couldn't emotionally or financially care for the baby. That killed me. But people who aren't going through what we are don't get it. Hearing "don't think about it", "keep busy doing things you enjoy", and " if you stop stressing it will happen". I would really like to slap them in the face. For this reason alone though, most of our family does not know. I can't deal with the questions and we are not so sure they would all support us. We do have some really close friends that know and it's great having them. I wish the best for you and good luck! You're not alone, and message me any time.

NJ42 - I am glad you've found deleting Facebook was helpful! not even for the pregnancy thing but in general! Jeez - I really dont think i'll ever go back! Also, good call about the non-pregnancy appointment days. Just the other day while we were waiting for our appointment sitting in a room full of expectant parents was a shot to the gut for sure! My hubs and I have had a few spats about this whole thing - mainly because he doesnt understand why I'm so upset. Though, I think finally he is coming around and realizing it. I'm glad you can relate though! Men, they have it so good huh? ;-)

DC- I HATE those comments! "now you can relax and try on your own?" are you kidding? i totally understand where you are coming from, and you are right - you wont understand unless you've gone through it. Those smart comments are meant to help but do the exact opposite. I'm so sorry to hear about what you've gone through. I think not knowing is one of the worst parts. :(

EBart- I agree, we havent told many people about whats going on just because I cant deal with all the questions every month. Of course, we've been married for 3 years so people always ask and we just kind of laugh it off with them like "oh we're trying!" or whatever. Only a few people really know. My in-laws just found out this weekend (only because they put us on the spot) and my MILs response was "oh no, dont you know you can have multiple pregnancies doing that?" .... no comment. I'm pretty sure my response was something to the effect of "well yes we know that but if this is the only option then thats something we're willing to do" then some comments of "octomom" or something came up, and I immediately shut down and the conversation topic was changed to something else. And that, is exactly why, I didnt want family to know...
I wish you all the best too, we're all in this together!