you just do. You go to lunch with your friends, you cuddle their babies and DO NOT cry in public. You come home and bawl if you have to...or cry in the car on the way home so DH wont see you fall apart...but you do it. The only way to get through it is to "Fake it till you make it". It's been my motto since someone else posted that phrase and it's been pretty effective so far. Just keep pretending its okay, and one day you'll realize it IS okay. It's hard, it sucks, it's not fair...but it is the way it is for you, for us, and we will be better mothers for it. I hold steadfast to that belief that we will ALL be better for what we have suffered through. Hold tight to your faith in yourself, that YOU CAN make it...even if you have to fake it!

Best of luck!

A

Faking it is one of the hardest things in the world to do and the most exausting in my opinion! What has worked a bit for me is to hold the baby only if my friend asks me but just hold the baby for a moment say how cute and then give the baby right back!!! While we have to fake it and be supportive you DO NOT have to make the process all draw out. When my girlfriends and I get togethor to catch up we view it as time for ourselves and we focus on each other, not on babies or kids. Is that an option?

I am sorry that your cycles did not work and that you are going through this. I am glad that you found your way to us though. It does take a lot of courage to ask for help so I commend you for that. One of the key things to remember is that you will not get over what you are feeling, you need to go through your feelings. Feeling the way you do is completely normal. I feel that way, have for a long time and still do. I have also had friends and family (lots of them) have babies in the years that we have been trying. Not only that but I also planned a few baby showers too. We are all different and I can't tell you when enough is enough for you, but I can tell you a few things that worked for me and helped me through.

One of the hardest things for me was when my BF got pregnant her first month trying and showed me her positive HPT only days after I got a BFN from our first IVF. We also worked together so I saw her all the time. It was hard for both of us. I was sad and angry for what I did not have and that my infertility was affecting my happiness for her. It bothered me that I could not just feel complete happiness for her like I wanted to, because I was overjoyed that she was having a baby, but I was heartbroken I was not.

Over the course of her pregnancy we had many discussions and many tears were shed, on both of our parts. I planned her baby shower and I was there for her as she welcomed her first child into this world and as she struggled with all the things first time mom's go through. Since then she had another child and so have SEVERAL other friends and family members.

I love my friends and my family very much. I made the decision that I do not want to miss out on their lives or the lives of their children so I work through my feelings and my pain. I go to the birthday parties and the baby showers but I also cry and scream into my pillow to get my pain out. Infertility has stolen so much from me already that I refuse for it to take my friends and family and their children from me too.

Like isiys917 said, sometimes you need to fake it until you make it, and you will make it. When I am at a baby shower and I feel like I am having a hard time I will go in the bathroom or I may even leave a little early. I do what I need to do to get myself through, not only for my friend, but for me too.

You cope one day at a time, and sometimes a minute at a time.

But do not be hard on yourself if there are times when you just can't do it. You are human and you are hurting. It is up to you how much you let each friend know about what is going on. I found over the years I let more of my close friends know. It was kind of hard not to. I don't need to talk to them all the time about the emotional parts of it because I have all the wonderful women here for that.

You are not a heartless friend at all. If anything, I can tell you love your friends or you would not care enough to even write this post. Infertility is horrible and affects not only us, but the people we love. I believe you are happy for your friends, you are just very sad for you.

Good luck this weekend. I have a good feeling you will get through it. Remember we will all be here if you need to talk/vent. I also wish you lots of luck with your upcoming cycle. {HUG}

I will pray that the weekend goes smoothly and that you are able to enjoy time with your old friends. Give it to God, He will give you the strength you need.

First I want to say I completely understand how you are feeling I feel a lot of what you said mimics my own life and for that I am sorry for everything that you are having to endure, it is not fair that one person should have to go through so much.

The way I look at your current situation you really have 2 options.

The first is you back out and you don't go. You don't have to do anything you don't really want to do. If you're anything like me, you probably can't get through a day without crying. I try to avoid any situation that will only make my sadness larger. The fact that you feel guilty that your feelings shouldn't affect your friendship only proves that you are not a heartless person. If they are really your friends, they will understand, they may be upset at first but they will get over it and they will be there for you. I know no friend of mine would want to cause me anymore pain than I am already going through right now and I'm sure that you're friends are the same way.

Secondly you meet your friends and like the other ladies have said, you fake it. You put on a smile and you fake it and when you can get away you let it out.

I'm not sure if you're a religious person or not, if you're not I'm sorry what I'm about to say. In those times when I am forced into situations that I'm no looking forward to, the situations where I must fake it and feel I just don't have the strength for that, I have found comfort in knowing that God with me. Jesus is closest to those who are suffering and in need of His support. So when I face those moments, I try to search deep within myself/soul and find Jesus and I realize I'm not alone. My friends may have brought their children but I brought Jesus and somehow it's a lot easier to fake it.

I think it would be ok if you cancel. You need to give yourself time. You will know when you are ready to handle this. I might also be a good idea to meet with on e of the friends at a time instead of both.
My sister-in -las had a baby Dec 2. So the holdiays were awful. I didn't see the new baby until a family party. I didn't hold him, I didn't know what my reaction would be and didn't want to maake others uncomfortable if I broke down. We went over to their house after new years and I ask to hold him. I even gave him a bottle with no trars. We start our first IVF cycle in Feb. I'm 40 didn't meet my husabdn until I was 38. Been TTC for a year in half and had to mis carriages. We went straight ti IVF with little hope. RE wanted to go straight to donor eggs not ready for that If I ever will be. Sorry so much info but I reallt connect with your post and disagreed with some of the posts about just doing it you will know when you are ready and doesn't sound like you are there yet.
Good luck with what ever you decide.

I am not sure now that its Saturday evening if you went to meet your friends. But I will tell you this there are times when it is okay not to go. It is not being selfish raher it is self preservation. On the hardest days with the new babies or the new pregnant bellies I always have tried to remind myself that that baby is not the one you want but your own. Some functions are just too hard. I will keep you in my prayers. My second IVF cycle just worked and I am absolutely sure yours will too... I will be praying for you. Feb will be here before you know it . HUGS

Welcome to the group. I think you will find a lot of support here. A lot of us are dealing with some of the exact same things that you mention. As others have said, it's okay not to go if it's too painful for you. It took me a long time to realize this but once I started avoiding terribly painful situations I realized that my friends did understand as much as they could. Last January I had my 2nd miscarriage. A friend of a friend of mine was pregnant and we had the same due date. The due date was also a week before our mutual friend's birthday. When she sent out the invite for her birthday celebration my heart sank because I knew that her pregnant friend with my due date would be there, very pregnant. A few months prior to that I went to her graduation party where I had to hang out with this girl and it was very painful to see her and imagine that I would look the same way had my baby lived. So, when it came time for the birthday which was so close to my due date I just knew I couldn't do it. I e-mailed her and was honest and explained why I couldn't come. She said she understood and never acted upset with me for it. A couple weeks later we met for lunch and I gave her a gift. There is no reason to torture ourselves. Only do what you feel comfortable with. Real friends will understand.