I know how you feel and it really does'nt help to try and explain what you are going through to your family because they really don't understand. I will tell my family that was not the best thing to say to me and then they try to edit what they want to say the next time. I know there are some things on Discovery Health channel called the baby lab and it shows real life couples going through treatments and outcomes etc. I had my mom and sister watch it with me and it helped. I also try to educate my family on processes that I am going through and give them brief educational articles on how people feel and what they go through during this time. It has seemed to help them understand a little bit of my feelings but they never will get it 100%. Just know that they do love you and they are trying to help if your family is like mine. I am preparing for my 1st ivf and my family is trying to be there for me but sometimes they say the most stupid things. Hang in there!

i have been doing ivf treatments for 10 years.... and i have come to the conclusion, that unless you are struggling with it...... there is no way for them to understand, there is no empathy, sympathy, it is impossible ....... i cant get preg. on my own.... my husband has retrograde ejac. so i flows back into his bladder, never never does anything come out.... nothing, not even the tiniest hint of fulid..... so even way back, they were all like, oh dont worry about it, relax , it will happen.... i was like, um,.... no... it wont... not with out interventions..... and the killer line that still till this day, and now i have 4 kids, 2 via iui's and twins after 9 iui's and 3 ivf's....... the people who say.... " oh i have NOOOOO idea what you are going through... i am fertlile mertile!""""" if it is really really imp. to you that they understand, recruit them to go through the whole cycle with you. go to each and every vag. u/s.... blood work...... inject you with each shot..... be with you through the iui or ivf then wait with the you 2ww, and them hold the hpt as you both watch the line or lines appear..... maybe that would help to wrap their heads around it...... BUT FOR NOW, THEY ARE CLUELESS..... AND ITS GOOD THEY ARE, FOR I DO NOT WISH THIS SUFFERING ON ANYONE..... BUT THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE US..... AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU

This is a good video to have them watch. I cry almost everytime I watch it. http://www.tearsandhope.com/ Unless they are going through this, nobody and I mean nobody understands. Just know there are others out there going through the whole thing that do care about you and your struggle.

teh tears and hope link was a good thing I set it to my family

I was about to send you the tearsandhope link but i see someone has already. So i will send you a hug instead.

Luv the Empty Arms video.....It's so touching. I cant wait to show this to my DH!!!!

I do agree that infertility is something most couple have no clue about since they arent going through it. I feel IF is a disease that nobody but infertile couples know about. This website has helped me deal with my issues better, having someone to talk to, etc! Others will never understand.

I explained it to some not so understanding family members that I could not do (on my own) the one thing that all living creatures are meant to do: procreate. Luckily I have some very supportive family members and an aunt who went through the same thing. (It took them 10 years to conceive.)
Have you been diagnosed with a specific disorder, or are you unexplained infertility? If you have a diagnosis, maybe discussing the problem would help. Then explain that infertility is side effect.
My M-I-L felt it necessary to tell other family members that we were seeing an RE after 3 months of TTC on our own. The doc referred us because of my lack of ovulating and endometriosis. It took him 10 months to get us pregnant (a relatively short time). When we told her that we were a cycle away from IVF, she got the hint of how serious it was.

I printed this off and gave it to my mum many years ago, I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.


I wonder if you understand how hard Infertility is...

I wonder if you understand, the pain that we go through.

I wonder if you would understand, if infertility had happened to you.

I wonder if you understand how hard it is to try, when all you see are sweet, angelic babies passing you by.

I wonder if you understand, how often steve and I cry.

I wonder if you understand, that we need you pray for us each and everyday.

I wonder if you understand, that God can bless us or take our pain away.

I wonder if you understand the depression, sadness, hopelessness and fear; of what is coming up on fifteen heartwrenching, childless years.

I wonder if you understand, that we need the love and support of our family, to cheer us and wipe away our tears.

I wonder if you understand, the dreams of children that we have.

I wonder if you understand, that those dreams leave us needing some strong heart-salve.

I wonder if you understand, what it's like to love your spouse and want to share a child together so much.

I wonder if you understand, that we may never get to share our love with, or feel our baby's touch.

I wonder if you understand how hard it is, to watch other children be born and grow.

I wonder if you understand that, that is a precious gift that we may never know.

I wonder if you understand the frustration and anger that we hide.

I wonder if you understand that for all of you, we try to smile on the outside.

I wonder if you understand that it's hard to put on a brave front.

I wonder if you understand that we will go through Hell on Earth, to get the child/children that we so very desperately want.

I wonder if you understand that we don't want to hear: Be patient, it will happen. You don't really want kids do you? Look at mine, they're brats. You don't want to put up with spit-up, dirty diapers, bathing and early a.m. feedings, it's a drag.

I wonder if you understand how much we long for that and would cherish carrying an overloaded diaper bag.

I wonder if you understand that we would love to see, our child/children on the ulrasound screen and listen in loving wonderment, at a heart/heartbeats.

I wonder if you understand that we would be so happy and proud, we would probably want to jump up, scream with joy and dance around.

I wonder if you understand that we would love to listen to the nursery monitor and hear our baby fuss.

I wonder if you understand how exciting parenthood will be for us.

I wonder if you understand that through all of the setbacks, heartbreak, sadness, depression, pain, stress and strife......

It's VERY important that we continue our Infertility fight. We have faith in ourselves and God and one day we know for sure, we are going to give our precious, dreamed of, hoped for, loved and cherished child..... LIFE!!!

many thanks to all of you, I will give these a try and see how I go...

I really hope they bring some sort of undertanding to those who should be able to understand me best

Many hugs and baby dust to all

'And then she found me' with Helen Hunt is a really good movie out on DVD right now that you should have them see. It was a great opening to how emotional the whole thing becomes. Of course, Helen Hunt's experience in the movie isn't exactly like ours (she doesn't have a DH). But it's still good!
I'm so sorry you're family doesn't want to understand. Hang in there and make your own support group with people you can trust. (us for example!! and your hubby!!)