I am so upset right now that i cant even think strait. in january my grandmother had a stroke and luckily survived but she is not the same person and has difficulty with short term memory. she was recently diagnosed with alsheimers. in february we were told that the foster son that we have had for two years would be leaving us and we stood no chance at adopting him. in march one of my cousins was sent to jail for stabbing his brother in law. now in april my grandfather has died. yesterday i got the phone call from my father to get to the hospital right away. when i got there i went into the emergency room and my family was there and i found out that my grandfather had died from a massive heart attack. when he was brought to the er they worked on him for over an hour and even intibated him but there was nothing they could do. when i got to the er i saw him laying there on the bed and i just cried and cried. i put my arms around him and kissed him good bye. his prayer service is on thursday and his funeral is on friday. he was not healthy for a long time and for a long time he had been suffering with heart troubles and high blood pressure. because of my grandmothers health and the fact that she was in a nursing home and because bolth of them live out of town my grandfather was staying with my uncle at the time. all of the stress of my grandmother having a stroke and having to stay in a nursing home just got to be too much for him. i have been on this emotional rolercoaster for over a year now with something traumatic happening every month and i cant wait for it to end. i have gotten so used to bad things happening to me and my family that i have now come to expect that everything will turn out bad and not to get my hopes up for anything now. i miss my grandfather so much and it is very difficult to work today but i know that i must because it beats sitting around with nothing to do. i cant believe this has happened i am so devistated and i dont know if i will be able to go through with my ivf next week. i have been taking the drugs for a week now and i know that if i put off ivf for the future that i cant guarantee what will happen in the future and what other kind of devastating thing is going to happen to me as i know it will because it has been for over a year now. please help me i could really use some kind words.