Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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my family is making me upset

missy12358104
missy12358104
my father and my mil dont believe my ivf is going to work because of my weight. yes i know i am overweight but i also know for a fact that that is not the reason i am infertile and i am ready to take every precaution necessary and i already know the risks. my mil at least had the decency to not say it to my face but to instead say it to my dh. my father on the other hand realy pissed me off. he dosent understand the process and likes to pretend that he does. he says that i havent researched this enough and that i am just jumping into it impulsively. hello i have been trying to get pg for eight years with 3 failed iui's and we have also been doing fostercare in the hopes of adopting and he thinks that after eight years that i am being impulsive and havent done enough research. he also told me that if i was meant to become pg it would have happened already and that i should stop what i am doing. i tried to explain to him that the reason i have not become pg in the past is because i have a combination of things wrong with me including endometreosis and pmdd. i tried to explain things to him but he just does not understand the process and is often ignorant to the whole female thing. i tried to explain things but i started crying uncontrollably. the only ones who are understanding about this whole process are my mother and my aunt. my aunt has been through this process so she completely understands my situation we even have the same re.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know kinda how you feel, my dad I think feels the same way, although my mom stopped him from saying anything. But when I needed to talk about something, he'd constantly change the subject. But I know what he's thinking, and it hurts. I am glad that he hasnt opened his mouth, though, that would be harder. I decided that with this cycle, I'm not telling ANYONE. The only people that know are RE, DH, and you guys. Its easier on me that way, without everyone asking the 1 million questions. I hope you can figure out a way to make it easier on you, because you do NOT need this added stress on top of IVF. Thats difficult enough itself. Good luck to you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
My dad is the same way and makes me feel horrible. He says that I'm not going to get prego while I'm still overweight. As if I don't already feel bad enough about. He is Mr. Holistic Health Guy, and thinks that he knows everything. He forgets about the fact that I have only ONE tube and Poor Ovarian Response - he says that I would have better eggs if I wasn't overweight. I can't talk to him about it anymore. I think he knows he's hurt me. He trys to be supportive now but I see the disapproval in his eyes and it KILLS me. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Im sorry that you have family members that are just clueless on IF!!! I've learned that even family can be as harsh as everyone else who has no idea on IF.........
I tried to share my IVF with an aunt BUT she seemed to be more interested in how much money it will cost(my family is a bit envy towards anyone who has ANY money). Then she asked me a stupid question like, Does that mean your baby will come out talking? What does that have to do with IVF? She likes to joke alot but I just didnt find it funny!! So now, I will keep ALL IVF treatment to myself, they will only know about it if & when I get pregnant!!!!
missy12358104
missy12358104
thanks for all of the kind words. i really needed that. my fathers words cut me deeply and i cant believe he had the nerve to say that. my mother chewed him out later for saying that and explained things to him that i could not.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You got to love family. They say the dumbest things and the most stupid times. My Dad asked if I had done anything wrong to make it so the Doc couldn't find heart beats on Friday. I wanted to kick his ass all over my house, but have since forgiven him and realize he just doesn't get it. Hang in there sweetie.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You hit the nail on the head in the last sentence of your post. It is so hard when our family does not "get it" because we have come to expect understanding and support from them - the fact of the matter is when it comes to infertility, they are like everyone else - if they have not been through it, they just don't get it.

I had to practically leave my mother out of our last IVF cycle just because she never had trouble getting preg. and she would always try to help me but it just ended up in a fight.

But now that we are adopting and she was adopted, she is my "go to" person for the adoption stuff - she gets adoption and that is a good feeling to be able to involve her in this because she "gets it"

Don't expect your family to be different from anyone else who has not experienced infertility - if you remember that, you won't find yourself so dissapointed in them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know exactly how you feel. We've been TTC for 4-5 yrs. We have had 6 failed IUI's, male factory. My mom passed away 7 yrs ago and we live 400 miles away from any family and friends, so I really haven't had anyone to talk too. Also being a private person and this issue being so sensitve, I have struggled with telling anyone. So I finally got the guts up to confided in my MIL. Big mistake!! She was so sensitive to tell me that she could walk into a room and get pregnant!! Then she proceed to tell a group via email about our struggles. We had not told anyone else in our families about our struggle and now family plus a ton of other people know....it's just horrible because these people know nothing about what we are all struggling with. It just sucks that you can't get support from your own family.

We are going ahead with IFV next month and we have decided that we are not telling anyone. They will only hear about BFP, not about the process of getting there!!!
I agree with what you said Anne Marie, its very true and thats our thinking as well!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can totally relate. I have friends and family BOTH who say stupid things without really thinking. For example, a lady from church commented to the effect that "couples doing IF treatments in TTC is an affront to God". GEE THANKS! And my dad asked me one time if I felt my struggles were Gods way of telling me I shouldn't have a baby. WOW...FEEL THE LOVE.

These comments always catch me off guard and I'm unprepared to respond to them. But now I have a little cache of responses in my armory ready to go at will. Things like:
*Actually, we feel that God has put these doctor's and specialist in our lives to help us overcome the physical barriers we have. We've prayed about it and have determined ahead of time what OUR limit needs to be FOR THE TWO OF US.

And frankly, I just don't discuss it anymore with my family. They love me and support me but just don't understand what I am dealing with. They can't. And it's not their fault really. I would never HOPE for my loved ones to have IF just so they can 'feel my pain'. What I do now is send out one email a month to let them know when my next IUI or whatever is and to ask for prayers and support. Email is a little safer, they feel updated and in the loop, and i'm letting them know on MY terms what I need from them.