Tomorrow is my 37th birthday. My plan was to have my first kid at 35, leaving time for a second (or even a third). Clearly that didn't happen. I finally met the right guy, got to the right situation (new house, good health insurance, steady income). I figured the baby part would be easy (and fun!). Instead the last 15 months have been miserable and I have nothing to show for it. Now I'll be lucky just to have one.

I no longer have any interest in sex. I'm sick of stirrups. Tired of blood draws.  I'm so over all the doctors patting my hand and telling me, "you're still young!"

I feel like tomorrow I'm going to have to put on a brave face, pretend to be happy, enraptured with all my gifts... it sounds exhausting. I will try to enjoy myself. After all, my family has put a lot of effort into making this a special weekend for me. But the whole time I'll be distracted, wondering if I'll get my period on Monday or not.