Hi Liz!

It is so hard when everyone around you is getting pregnant. I understand a little bit because my 43 year old sister in law and 45 year old brother are pregnant with their fourth child. It isn’t easy to sit through a gender reveal on Mother’s Day.

How old are you? What was your IVF experience like (how many eggs were retrieved, fertilized, etc)? And when is your wedding? How exciting and fun! Stay positive, trust your journey!

Hugs, Julie

Hi Julie,

Thank you so much for your comment. I have realized I really need someone who understands. It is hard when the friends you've confided in are no longer able to.

As if Mother's Day isn't hard enough! We really learn to be strong through all this don't we. No other choice.

I am 29. With IVF they retrieved 11 eggs, 3 fertilized. None of quality to freeze, I am in Canada so the first round is funded now. SO when we try again we will need to come up with the money.

Thank you! The wedding is in August. I know this is just a bump in the road and I will feel better soon, the initial shock is hard. And all the thoughts that go with it. Now my best friend and sister get to have babies around the same time. IT is hard and I am aloud to feel shitty!

Liz

Hi button88 - fertility difficulties can be so difficult. I was not prepared for it at all 5 years ago when my partner and I started to try to start a family. I don't know if anyone really is prepared for it however. I also started to see a therapist and while I feel it's helpful in ways, I also wonder about the fit. She is not specialized in fertility issues, and I feel like she just doesn't get it. That's where I found talking to others who have struggled with similar issues most beneficial.

I am 35 and feel like everyone around me has growing children or are pregnant. It really hit me when my partner's much younger brother announced he and his girlfriend are expecting. I will be honest, my immediate feelings were shock, resentment and tremendous hurt. That in turn made me feel guilty and unsupportive for him. I still struggle with it all the time. I have a real difficult time feeling truly happy for them, and I feel like a terrible person for saying it. I know I'm just really sad and hurt.

Not sure I have advise for you, but I can definitely relate to your post. Thanks for sharing.

Hi Lilly519

Thank you so much for your reply. It is so good to hear that I am not alone with my feelings. I also feel the guilt of my negative thoughts. I don't know how I am going to be there for my sister and best friend. I am still can't believe that they will get to go through this together, while I am the one they feel sorry for. It's not only that they get to go through the pregnancy together, it will be everything from here on out. Their lives will revolve around their children and I will be on the outside. That sounds selfish, but it's just the hurt that I feel. I am just so angry.


I feel like we are in the same boat, with the therapist. Mine also does not specialise in infertility. It was hard to find one that does. I don't know how I feel about talking about my feelings at a support group either.

What is your story?

Thanks again, this is my first time reaching out with other who may understand, and it is truly needed.

Liz

Hey,
So sorry to hear you are going through this. Infertility is never an easy pill to swallow for anyone. The ones who have never been down that road do not understand. Have you asked your fertility clinic for a therapist recommendation? My husband and I see one that specializes in infertility. She has helped us tremendously.

I still have moments, especially around certain times of the year and when I hear of a pregnancy announcement.

That's exciting news about your wedding coming up soon. :) I will keep you in my prayers.

@button88, I am sorry to hear about your situation as I am in a very similar situation myself. My husband and I have been married for about 10 years and we have been trying for the last two years. We even tried 6 IVFs and all except one embryo was normal so we transferred and I found out on Christmas eve that that too failed. I was devastated and called a gal who was trying for a while as well. She has since become pregnant and though she understands my situation, I don't think she gets it considering she hasn't had same IVF journey. I am trying to stay as positive but during my cycle it feels even worse and I get even more depressed. I can't go to any live support due to my work schedule so a friend suggested online support which is why I joined.
I am sorry to hear that there are so many of us who have to go through this tough journey and it continue to take its toll on us each and every day. Every waking minute these day reminds me of the family that I am lacking while my gals continue to have kids. Some have gone through IVF journey themselves and they have had donor egg babies. I am considering it but we have started our adoption process which is also not going so well. I am frustrated, sometimes angry and always depressed. I am focusing on work these days but it is rough each and every day.
Are you wedding preparations helping you change your focus a bit? I am planning a block party of our neighbors and traveling during weekends with my husband and always looking for ways to keep us busy. It is not easy but my mind has to remain busy for me to not feel depressed all the time.
wishing you happiness during this happy time.
YV

I know how you are feeling I’m 35 with pcos, everyone around me is getting pregnant and after years of trying the hospital have decided they won’t be helping me and won’t give me any more appointments as my partner has a child from a previous marriage , it’s hurts to see people get what you want so much so easily :(

It is tough. It is incredibly hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t struggled with infertility that you can in one way be happy for a friend or relatives pregnancy but also battle feelings of anger, resentment and jealousy. Happy for them, sad for you. It’s a very painful journey and it brings on feelings of guilt for feeling the way you do but it’s normal to have those feelings. I remember they day I was told I was not responding to the clomid or letrozole and that our next step would be IvF. 3 friends called that very same day to announce their pregnancies......one before I was even out of our clinic parking lot. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and one that I have found very isolating. But I found a good therapist and it has helped! Keep looking for one who specializes in infertility that you feel you connect with. It could make a big difference!

Wow, thank you everyone for all the replies. It is always such shock at first when these things happen, and eventually it starts to fade a bit. The hurt is always there, but I try really hard to convince myself that if I am dwelling too much or hurting too much then that means I am never going to get where I want to be. I try not to feel as though I am giving up. This is hard to word. If I am sad I convince myself that my time isn't right now and the time will come. I really have to try for a positive mindset, otherwise I get carried away. I should find a therapist that suits my needs. Summer is helping, the wedding is helping, even with two pregnant bridesmaids. I just wish they waited. I don't want that to sound selfish. I don't want one of them at the bachelorette weekend because she already is a bit of a grump to begin with. Well, this was a rant and maybe I should be writing in a journal!

What are the odds of these things happening? Sparry getting a call in the clinic parking lot. We get kicked when we are down, over and over. And just the total lack of support or being able to confide in anyone who has not been through this. I honestly wish that people would look into "things you do not say to a person struggling with fertility." Even just the awareness of it all. The amount of times that people ask when I am going to have a baby is too much. People need to know that question can really hurt someone and throw their mood for an entire day.

I work with kids, elementary. I work in kinder all the way up to grade 6. Now that the year is coming to an end, I feel better. But it has been a hard year. We have a few families that are not in good positions to be having kids, and I work with their behaviours everyday. Sometimes I wish for another job. I might have to in a few years.

Thanks for listening to my vent.

I wish everyone the best in this journey.