Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I guess I just need to vent. Today has been hard, as a matter of fact all of 2014 was hard. It was the hardest year of my life. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for a few years with no luck. It was finally time to see a doctor. During my first appointment she said, "Don't worry, we will get you pregnant." Two months later after determining that my tubes are blocked she called me to explain there was nothing else she could do for me and that I needed to go to an IVF specialist. I was so mad and hurt that she told me this over the phone. She didn't even give me the chance to schedule my follow up appointment.
Dealing with the diagnosis of infertility has changed me and not for the better. I used to be the happiest, most carefree person. Nothing could get me down. I felt invincible, like a could do anything. Its amazing how my outlook and attitude has changed so much in the last year of dealing with infertility. All of a sudden I was lost and scared. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. I turned into an emotional wreck. I still am an emotional wreck. I find myself crying all the time. I just don't know how to pick myself up.
I always thought I would be a mother. My husband and I decided I would be a stay at home mom when the time came and I became pregnant. I put my career on hold while trying to conceive. Two years of trying and every month thinking and praying this would be the month it would happen. Then the diagnoses came and I realizing it will not happen. I guess the hardest part is feeling like I failed. I feel like I failed my husband. I feel like I failed at being a career women. I feel like a failed my parents because I know they want grandchildren that I am unable to give them. I feel like a failed as mother because I may never know that joy of having my own.
Sorry for the negativity. Today has just been a really hard day. I normally try very hard to mask my emotions to the outside world. I always try to appear happy and carefree on the outside all though I'm always crying on the inside. I do not like others to know how much I have let this destroy me. I tell myself if everyone else thinks I'm happy hopefully soon I will be happy again.
I met a girlfriend for lunch today. I let her insensitivity ruin my day and i'm even more mad at myself for letting her get to me. She asked me how everything was going. As always I sugar coated it and put on the fake smile. She then had the nerve to tell me she understands EXACTLY how am feeling when it comes to infertility. She is unmarried and currently pregnant with her second child. She dealt with PCOS for 4 month before she became pregnant with her first child. I just don't understand how she could compare 4 month of PCOS with my 4 years of trying to get pregnant. Does she really think she even has a clue how I feel? She actually said, " I know exactly how you feel and what your going through." She doesn't have a clue. She has a beautiful child and another one on the way.
2014 was the worst year of my life. I'm hoping and praying that 2015 is a lot better. I hope I can find myself again; my smile, my attitude, my carefreeness, my ability to hope and dream again and everything else I lost last year. I'm trying everyday to became the person I was. I know I will eventually find myself again. I just hope it happens sooner rather than later because I don't know if I can handle another year like last year.
It is a new year after all and I am ready to conquer 2015 and forget 2014 ever happened.
Dealing with the diagnosis of infertility has changed me and not for the better. I used to be the happiest, most carefree person. Nothing could get me down. I felt invincible, like a could do anything. Its amazing how my outlook and attitude has changed so much in the last year of dealing with infertility. All of a sudden I was lost and scared. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. I turned into an emotional wreck. I still am an emotional wreck. I find myself crying all the time. I just don't know how to pick myself up.
I always thought I would be a mother. My husband and I decided I would be a stay at home mom when the time came and I became pregnant. I put my career on hold while trying to conceive. Two years of trying and every month thinking and praying this would be the month it would happen. Then the diagnoses came and I realizing it will not happen. I guess the hardest part is feeling like I failed. I feel like I failed my husband. I feel like I failed at being a career women. I feel like a failed my parents because I know they want grandchildren that I am unable to give them. I feel like a failed as mother because I may never know that joy of having my own.
Sorry for the negativity. Today has just been a really hard day. I normally try very hard to mask my emotions to the outside world. I always try to appear happy and carefree on the outside all though I'm always crying on the inside. I do not like others to know how much I have let this destroy me. I tell myself if everyone else thinks I'm happy hopefully soon I will be happy again.
I met a girlfriend for lunch today. I let her insensitivity ruin my day and i'm even more mad at myself for letting her get to me. She asked me how everything was going. As always I sugar coated it and put on the fake smile. She then had the nerve to tell me she understands EXACTLY how am feeling when it comes to infertility. She is unmarried and currently pregnant with her second child. She dealt with PCOS for 4 month before she became pregnant with her first child. I just don't understand how she could compare 4 month of PCOS with my 4 years of trying to get pregnant. Does she really think she even has a clue how I feel? She actually said, " I know exactly how you feel and what your going through." She doesn't have a clue. She has a beautiful child and another one on the way.
2014 was the worst year of my life. I'm hoping and praying that 2015 is a lot better. I hope I can find myself again; my smile, my attitude, my carefreeness, my ability to hope and dream again and everything else I lost last year. I'm trying everyday to became the person I was. I know I will eventually find myself again. I just hope it happens sooner rather than later because I don't know if I can handle another year like last year.
It is a new year after all and I am ready to conquer 2015 and forget 2014 ever happened.
Your doc was wrong to set you up emotionally. Lesson learned, dust it off !!! (I digress).
Anyway, first let me say I am so sad that you have to go through this. The good thing (really) is that you have a known cause AND possible treatment. So, please send up all the emotions to your higher power, God, whichever you honor and get happy, cause there is reason for hope. You didn't mention if you've visited with the IVF doctor yet but my opinion is your doctor would'nt have recommended one if she/he did'nt think they might be able to help you.
In the meantime, if you need to, go see a counselor. Infertility is a Mf'er to deal with and no matter the age, talking it our will help you deal with well meaning friends (trust me). If I can't convince ya, look around the board, there is plenty of hope to be had.
Welcome.
If you choose to do IVF, or adoption, or nothing at all, just remember that it is totally ok and normal to be feeling this way. If you cannot afford/do not choose to pursue other treatment options then this diagnosis is basically the same thing as losing a loved one and the grieving process can take a long time. As willbefine said, I would suggest finding a counselor to talk to about it.
We're here for you and I hope 2015 will be a much better year for you.
Secondly IVF is not the end of the world. It seems like it is now, I know that is how I felt when we started IVF. But if you have your career on track you will probably be making more money and that will make IVF a more realistic goal. You clearly have a husband who loves you and parents involved in your life. You have a support system in place and that is amazing!
Thirdly You have failed no one. Not your parents, not your husband and not yourself. The reality is your body is failing you and you have zero control over that. It sucks but dont put stress on yourself that you dont deserve. It is not as if did something to cause this to happen. You have an illness. I truly believe IF is an illness. No one blames people for having an illness or being sick, so dont blame yourself. You deserve better then blame. You deserve solution and options So seek your solution and find your options and make a choice based on those facts. Who know where the road will lead IVF, Donor eggs, Surrogate, Adoption, you never know until you investigate all the possibilities.
You are a strong person and you can take this on. You can deal with this & come out on top. I did and so many other have. We are nothing special, we just stuck it out. Some are still on their journeys but dont give up! You will be a mother if you make that a priority. But dont make it your only priority; you also need perspective and balance. Clearly you are a happy person who is just overwhelmed with IF right now. I wish you all the luck in the world. I know you are going to figure this out. You can handle this and you will win.
In your post, you have written off you becoming a parent. My dear, do not do that!!! I know it may have been a rough day for you but you can't ever give up!!! Keep on working towards those babies- and when you become a mother, you will be a fantastic mom- you worked hard for your little ones and they will benefit from your struggles!
IVF is very hard to wrap one's head around- I get it. But try to look at it all systematically, which will come if you go down that road. You also will start to feel a little excitement. It'll be scary, don't get me wrong, but you will be getting closer to your goal of motherhood. Put fear aside and go for the ride- just do it...
I once was told over the phone the following:
"You have three choices. Donor sperm, adoption, or living a childless lifestyle." But that didn't stop me. Sure, hard to hear and tears were shed but after the dust settled, I got moving when I was ready. It was a tough road, but I cannot emphasize enough how much it was worth it. not only because I got children from my path, but if I hadn't gotten kids, I wouldn't be living with the regret or the what ifs.
IUI- 6/09 BFN,
IUI- 8/09 BFN,
IVF 11/09 BFN,
IVF- 4/10 Chemical Pregnancy,
FET- 8/10 Chemical Pregnancy,
Natural FET- 11/10 BFP- baby boy 8/2011
Graves Disease Diagnosis 9/2012
Natural FET 11/2013- BFP baby boy 8/2014
Finally- keep this in mind, Even though last year was awful (my worst year was clearly 2009), YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE YOU WILL BE A YEAR FROM NOW.
Here is a poem that got me through- sounds corny- but I love it.
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road youre trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but dont you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Dont give up though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victors cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when youre hardest hit
Its when things seem worst that you must not quit.
- Unknown Author
Best of luck to you- you've got this and you will have better days!
Through lots of conversations with my husband and a lovely therapist (who also has fertility issues), I came to grips with this diagnosis. It isn't easy... and there are still moments in which I get angry and frustrated at the insensitivity of others, but the bottom line is that IVF has worked for me thus far! I found it was helpful for me to come to appreciate that I DID have a diagnosis, & that this condition DOES have lots of research and treatment behind it. My hope is that you have the same level of success with IVF. You clearly want it and deserve it!!!
Please know you are supported here! We've got your back (and apparently, I have your tubes, too)! ;)
I cannot count how many people have told me they know exactly what I'm going through, but they have no clue! One "friend" was telling me this and then as details came out, and I started doing the math in my head. What really happened was after her first child was born (conceived the first month of "trying") she wanted to get pg again and when it didn't happen the first month again, she freaked out. She went to a doctor, clearly lied to him because she was put on clomid, and conceived the next month while on clomid. Her children are 14 months apart in age. She has NO CLUE what IF actually is! And for her to continually tell me how she knows exactly what I'm going through is horrific and we stopped being friends.
For me, I had to work on the mental aspect of it. I had to be on here, read books about IF, etc, in order to get to a better mental space because I was driving myself insane. More recently I started reading about Reiki, which is about the energy in your body and getting it balanced. Sounds wacky, I know, I thought that too. But it was suggested to me and I finally got to the point where I was like "Why not learn about something peaceful? The worst that can happen is it's boring and I will just stop reading about it!" There are free books on amazon, so I'm not out money either. It has brought me a lot of mental peace and I'm feeling better overall and more mentally ready to take on the next challenge. 2015 is going to be a GOOD year!
Wishing you the best of luck and know that you most definitely are NOT alone in this! ((HUGS))
Thank You so much for your support and words of encouragement. It has really helped me out in the last week. I just submitted my resume to a professional writer and should have it back next week. I am also looking into counselors. It is time for me to take my life back and not let IF control me.
With that said, I went to fertility specialist and found that I had a blockage in my left tube and had to have it removed because even if I did get pregnant, it would most likely result in a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, in which I could die (docs exact words!). SO I had the left tube removed in Oct 2014 and the right one cleared. My diagnosis is undetermined. So I was told I could only conceive through IVF, because hubby has some IF issues as well.
I can totally relate, and its hard not to let others bring you down, when they really don't know. I had a friend tell me "that's great you have permanent birth control" I wanted to freak out, but didn't, because when you don't go through this you cant have a say...
As for now I am about to start my first cycle of IVF and am thankful that science has created a way for me and my husband to have a baby after all. All of you ladies are in my prayers and I wish the best for you and to stay strong. We are only given what we can handle, and although this is so hard, it can be overcame and should consider literature, counseling or a group to help you cope with the news you have received. Good Luck and you can talk to me anytime!
It took me 5 years to conceive. And I got to listen to a friend tell me how hard her ttc journey was...she had a baby born before her first wedding anniversary. I didn't want to hear it.
It's a hard lesson to learn. But know that you are not defined by your fertility. You are perfectly and wonderfully made. You are not your ability to conceive. You have worth and value.
I sometimes feel I could be making emotional progress and then another pregnant friend offers me sympathy and I crash!
I wish I had found support sooner just to speak to anyone who understands is like a weight being lifted - Infertility I think is extremely isolating - its hard - I have the whole 'Im fine' off to a tee sometimes I convince myself I'm fine.... truth is it hurts! But I cant stop following my dreams..... because it might just work. 2014 was a rollercoaster my wedding was amazing - despite shooting hormone injections and tablets during the day! 1 month later I was devastated at a BFN. It feels like such a waste - I guess it was - not the wedding the treatment, but I never want to look back and think I didn't try my best. So on Ill troop!
Love to you Anjhelrose maybe 2015 will be our year