I made the mistake of telling someone I was working on a project with at work what we were going through. I thought I could trust her, but instead of opening her mouth, she treated me llike shit...she was horrible to me...riding me on everything...calling out my weaknesses to people. I just let her do it because I didn't want everyone to know what I was going through.

It was really f'd up. I regreted saying anything at all and in fact, the IVF failed and I had my worst results. I was under so much stress...crying everyday...worried I was going to lose my job. I know it's wrong, but I completely blame her for the failed IVF.

It was hard to always show up late and take days off and not tell people what we were going through. we wanted to start another cycle so I finally confided in the head of the department and he has been wonderfully understanding. In fact, I told him my IVF schedule and he has given me low stress jobs without people even realizing. I call him in the morning when I have u/s and BW so he knows not to look for me. I now do not talk to the bitch that did that to me and life at work is wonderful. I told him what she did to me...I told him everything. His daughter-in-law is actually going through some similar stuff with infertility! He knew how painful it was.

Every situation is different I know but, I would use caution. It depends on where you work and who you work with. If it's a cut throat competitive environment, be careful. Maybe go to Human Resources and let them know, maybe they can offer advice. If it's more of a family environment, I would open up. People can be amazing and they could be a great support system...

Good luck to you!

The only people at work I told were my 3 bosses and they have been wonderful! I think everyone else thinks I have cancer, but they are great! Do you have a boss you trust?

I got my boss involved because I applied for intermittent FMLA and that goes through them anyhow. Not to mention because of the additional emotional and physical strain, I wasn't exactly performing at 100% at work. She is really good about it. Unfortunately I'm an open book, I can not keep anything to myself (things that concern me anyway)- so the whole office knows. Bad thing about that is they would ask everyday and that got a bit old. When I found out my positive pregnancy test, I was at work and there was no way I could keep my mouth shut- so everyone got to hear about it. Could backfire, if something is wrong with my pregnancy and then have to face everyone afterwards.

That's a tough one. I tried to find out what my rights were in terms of sick leave because I have a very strong union where I work, but it was a case of "well, we would have to see what the actual circumstances were and out doctor would have to consult with your doctor to find out whether you really weren't able to work etc" It was stressful just trying to figure out who to open up to and who to trust.

When I finally did tell my boss, she seemed very supportive but then when push came to shove she was not very understanding when I needed time off, so I guess my advice is to tell only the people you can absolutely rely on, and if your boss is not one of them, tread carefully, I know this isn't very useful, but I think each case is different and employers are both more generous than they could be, but also less generous than perhaps they should be.

Because I didn't want anyone at work to know, I took the first appointments in the morning 7 or 7:30 that way I got into work on time. My visits usually only took about 20 mins, so I had no problem getting to work on time.

You could also try going during your lunch or right after work if they are open late.

It's nice to hear there's such a thing as sick time! lol With our company, you take everything out of your vacation time. This is corporate for you, no exceptions made. I've read where some had really understanding bosses, etc. but when you work for corporate, they don't care. And if you call off and 3 people are already off, you get an occurrence; that was the main reason I applied for the FMLA, plus I didn't have that many days left to take off. I live in a small town, so my clinic was an hour drive away and with 7-7:30 am appointments, I usually didn't make it to work until like 9:30 am (work hours are 8-5) so people would've known anyway something is up.

I have only told my partner because we work together 24/7 and she's one of my closest friends to boot. I will be using sick days and vacation time. Don't really want the boss to know that I'm trying to get preggo. My work has a bad rep for being a boy's club. It's so effing hard to be a woman here. And get this, not only does my ins not cover ANYTHING to do w/infertility, we don't even get maternity leave!!!! It makes me so sick. So if they thought I wanted to get pregnant - things would be much harder for me and I would be looked upon as another chick who's going to probably leave and become a stay at home mom after she gives birth and so her days are numbered and we shouldn't invest as much time in her anymore. Ugh - it's so disgusting.

I would have a frank discussion with a boss whom you trust. While I am dreading having to share something so personal. I know that she will be supportive. She doesn't have kids, but she has lots of old sports injuries!

Thanks to everyone for their replys. Nellie I just had a question about the FMLA because I wasnt aware that it could be used for fertility treatments. Could you tell me more about this? The main problem I have is I work at a hotline where everything is tracked and if your a minute late they know and if you go over on your sick time its addressed. I have to show up at 10am but for some reason all of the sudden my doctor doesnt open until 9am and is at least 45 mins away. I know that it will probably not be more then an hour but initially to get everything in order the first appointment may be more then a hour over. I did speak to my boss and had to write up a Memo for her and her boss. My boss was fairly understanding but said its not like its going to be for several months or anything. That really made me upset. I just told her that it may not be continous and let it go at that. If anyone has any info about the FMLA let me know.

Thanks again :))

Well it's good that your boss was accepting of your situation. I sat down with my boss and spoke in confidence about what I was doing. I didn't go into detail. I just stated that I was seeing a specialist to help me get pregnant and that there would be a few mornings during a two week period where I would be late. If you give them a timeframe, that tends to reassure them. Good luck!!

I also let my boss know so that if I was running late a lot I didn't have to make up any excuses. She has been very understanding with everything. Although my clinic opens at 6:00am so I am able to get in and get to work by my normal time so it hasn't been much of an issue. I hope everything works out for you with work. Good luck! I would def stay where you are if they are covering treatments!

It's hard where I work b/c we don't have any sick time and we are on a point system. We either have to use vacation time or take a point. Once you reach 14 points, you can get fired. And, of course the gossip starts every time someone takes a few hours off. It's so hard to keep issues private. I felt my only option was to talk to my boss and explain why I had to take so much time off. Fortunately, she was very understanding b/c her cousin had gone through all of the same things and she saw how hard it was on her not being able to get pregnant. I am able to schedule most of my appointments after I get off work, but for those earlier appointments, my boss was able to work with me on my schedule and has kept everything confidential. It made it a lot easier after I told her. I hope you have the type of boss you can trust that can do the same for you.

I use my intermittant FMLA for when I'm out on bedrest as they can't use it against you. Check with your HR dept. I had a very frank discussion with my boss who is very understanding. I go into the RE office at 0700 for bldwork and ultrasounds and you get a protocol which will give you tentative retrival and transfer dates. Most people are understanding if you are upfront and willing to work odd hrs or pick up time when there is a need to help negate the time your out. Good luck