Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

2,817 Members

29,973 Posts

0 Online

lina2008 07/29/2013

Hi all,

I really don't know what to think. One of my best friends who suffered from IF (though we never really talked about it as she didn't want to 'go there') had a little boy last year.

Over the last few months she has been putting up vids of her and her little boy on the open stream of Facebook to say 'hello' to me. She doesn't do this for anyone else, just me...

I am thrilled she is so happy and I want to be part of her and her son's life, however I just don't know if she is doing this to hurt me or because she wants to share with me...

She is a very difficult person (though I love her to bits!) and she takes offence very easily so just asking her would be like starting world war 3! but I can't seem to shake the niggly feeling that she is just rubbing it in....

I don't know maybe I am being too sensitive??

ktk7779413 07/29/2013

Ugh! I have a friend who sends me pics and videos of her little guy once in a while. I think she's just trying to include me in his life. Sometimes it still hurts. I hope your friend isn't doing this to hurt you. That would be awful.

Nellysgirl 07/30/2013

I really want to say that I HOPE she isn't doing this. Does she know you are suffering too? If she does, then maybe this is her weird way of saying "look! There's hope!" or proving that she is really valuing her gift unlike many of the undeserving mothers. But you would think if she suffered IF herself, she would realize that this is just hurtful!

deleted_user 07/30/2013

I'd like to think it's her way of including you and sharing hope. I hate that there is no way you can approach this without it ending in a fight.

tinyblessings 07/30/2013

I imagine she has no ill intent, but I've noticed that friends who were once on the IF journey with me and now have their babies seem to COMPLETELY FORGET how IF feels. It's like they are so overjoyed at their blessing that they can't stop themselves from sharing and inadvertently rubbing it in our faces. It hurts double because I expected that these friends would be the most sensitive. I'm sorry your friend is causing pain, when she probably thinks she's making you feel like a special person in her son's life.

Could you nonchalantly say, "I saw that video you sent me. It was so adorable, but honestly, I'm having a hard infertility day today, so I'm sort of staying away from all things baby until I feel a bit stronger. You remember these days, don't you? They are so hard! Your little man sure is adorable though." I don't know, that may set her off?

LMWT 07/30/2013

Ugh, I hope she is doing it to include you or give you hope and not to hurt you. But I completely get where you are coming from and how it must make you feel!

I like how TinyBlessings put it... maybe say something to you friend like that. And hopefully she understands.

CaliCutie81 07/30/2013

I always give people the benefit of the doubt and could not imagine somebody actually doing that to be hurtful! So, I really hope she is not intentionally being a ass hat.
It probably would be good for you to say something, you should not have to put up with something that hurts you.
Even though she may get mad, being a true friend means she'll get over it eventually!

quitethepickle 08/01/2013

Yikes. I've never seen anything like that, but I do avoid most videos of babies on Facebook. I have to think of logical reasons why she would do this..... maybe she shares it with you to make you feel good that you will one day be a good mom, since this child likes you quite a bit, versus make you feel bad you aren't. She forgets how heartbreaking it is. I could be totally off, but I'd really hope there is a good reason.

Personally, I would want her to stop. If you are worried about WW3, maybe try to be non specific? Like how tough it is to be around kids, seeing kids on Facebook, the longing you get, etc. Or go for it, like, "I cried with that last video, he is so sweet and you are so happy, and I just worry that __________", fill in any sort of fear! It might remind her what it was like. Good luck.

Join the Conversation