Hey girl! Thanks for sharing your story. You have definitely found a space to open up to some ladies who understand what you're going through.

Infertility is a hard thing to swallow and it's SO unfair that other women can just get pregnant in a snap. Hubby and I have been TTC for 3 years now (I'm also 28!) and it has been incredibly difficult. We have tried various meds, diets, surgeries and just did our first IUI without any luck. It's heartbreaking and, like you said, no one seems to understand how painful and frustrating it is. It's also a different experience for a women than it is a man - my poor husband tries his best to understand but sometimes it feels like he doesn't quite get it.

I'm glad you have a plan with your fertility doc & let me know if you start IUI!

As far as advice goes I feel like I am in the same boat. This is a hard journey and I, too, am trying to figure how to navigate all these emotions and frustrations. I am trying my best to take one day at a time, treat myself often to things that make me feel happy and surround myself with people to listen and love me.
I am leaning towards seeing a counsellor again which I find really helps - they are able to give tools and advice on how cope during this season of life.

Hang in there sweet girl! Try not to judge your emotions - we are allowed to feel sad and have a good cry. I hope you find joy in the blessings around you. You are stronger than you know! I'm so happy you have found this group.

Please reach out anytime you need to talk.
Best of luck and keep us updated.
xx

Thank you so much for your kind reply! It’s comforting to know that there are others out there that just get it. Right now, especially at our age I feel like I’m surrounded by pregnancies and I’m finding myself extra sensitive even when the word “baby” is mentioned. A million thoughts run through my head - will I ever have my own? Why is this happening? Why me?

I read your story on your page and you are so strong! It has been the long haul for you and you keep trekking. I wish you the best of luck, we all need to keep our heads up here!

I will keep everyone updated here butnfor now it’s just a waiting game in between our appointments and more medical advice.

Thanks again, xoxo

Hey to both of you! Thank you for sharing your stories. The best advice I've received is it's ok to not be ok. You're allowed to be frustrated, angry and confused. Because that is what infertility is. I'm sorry your husband has to have the surgery, but hopefully it will help you guys on your journey. It's a we issue, not a you or me issue - you're in it together. That being said, the emotions and coping is completely different for us as women and it is definitely more difficult to process!!!

I'm still in the midst of all the craziness, too. I feel like I have to learn how to be happy and normal again in social situations because you never know what is going to knock you off your feet. I often take each event and truly decide if it's worth my energy because I know later or the next day the emotional struggle will take over. It sucks and I feel horrible and guilty about that sometimes. At first my husband and I were open about going through the testing, but as things went on we slowly backed off. Partly to do with feeling that disconnect from others and other times people who don't understand say very hurtful things - which I truly believe they don't realize is hurtful and I don't hold against them - but it was a bit discouraging. But I do try to each day when my brain goes haywire to take deep breaths. Focus on a few things that make me happy or feel good. I've recently started writing and thinking of a few things each day I am grateful for, because as you know this can consume a lot of thinking and time, and it's nice to remember what is good, too.

I'm now 30, but my husband and I tried for a year with no luck. We went to my doctor in April of 2017 which got things started. At the end of a hysteroscopy surgery, one cancelled IUI and three failed IUIs, all I have to go off of is unexplained infertility. It drives me up a wall that this is even a "diagnosis" - lol like what in the world am I supposed to do with that. I just had my last failed one week ago so I am trying to now cope with this new set of emotions and thinking about IVF. I'm just focusing on continuing to be healthy and do things that I enjoy for now.

I really hope all works for you and that you keep your head up :) please do keep us posted and best of luck!!! Also always feel free to ask questions.

I completely know how you feel, I am 27 and my husband is 28 and we found out about a year ago (after a year of trying), that my husband has severe sperm count, like less than 1mil, so there was really no chance of us conceiving naturally. So many of my friends have babies and both of my sister in laws are pregnant or have babies. It's VERY difficult to deal with. I cannot tell you how many times I left my family's house and just cried in the car (and I am not really even a crier haha). But just having to explain, all the time, everything we are going through to our family, it just becomes so hard. We really have had some very challenging lows in our marriage, and it hasn't been easy, but I do feel like we are stronger for it.

We followed a similar path - marriage, house, master's degrees, puppies, and even a couple rabbits and chickens were thrown in the mix :) !

Today we start our first round of IVF and I have hope this is our time. I really hope that you know that I know how you feel and that you are not alone!

Thank you for sharing your story. You should just know that you are not alone, and we all have people who do not understand what we are going thru. This is such a tough journey and not what any of us expected... i hope you are able to find the support on here that you are looking for... We all understand at least some what how the others are feeling.

Sending you good thoughts and prayers!!

@Callie2988 thank you for sharing your story and I so badly wish for you that they gave you something better as an explanation. I am sending you the best and if you do decide to do IVF please keep us posted! It really is so many emotions and are handled differently. Just writing out my feelings to you ladies is a help. I need to take your advice and take the time to realize what is good in my life - at the moment it is just so hard. When this is out of my mind I am as happy as can be but then when these thoughts creep back it comes down on me like a ton of bricks.
@AllyV we are on en even more similar path - I'm the one who is 28 and my husband is 27. Also both of my sisters in law have one child and one has their 2nd on the way. I try so hard to have a positive attitude and I truly am/want to be happy for them and their growing family, but when I found out she was pregnant I lost it, I broke down and felt defeated. (Luckily it was only my husband who told me at our house alone). My husband is the youngest of the 3 boys in his family and I thought it was be nice if we all had our firsts then move on to our second. It plain sucks that they are moving on to their second when we are struggling so hard for have our first. I am wishing you the best with IVF and crossing my fingers it will be the one that works!
I am also finding that I am closing myself off. I have not told anyone the details other than my mother because I can't bring myself to explain over and over to my friends. I've talked about getting pregnant less and less with them and hoping no one notices or brings it up.
This coming weekend we have plans with his family to take the kids out for the day and I am really close to making an excuse so I don't have to go because I know it is going to be such a struggle for me to be around them. I know that sounds terrible but that's where my heads at right now.
@Lillie thank you for the support, I take comfort in the fact that I am not alone.
This is all so new to me.
I guess my last thought/regret is that I wanted to get off my chest is that I put off trying to get pregnant because I wanted to enjoy married life before we started a family. I thought it would be easy to get pregnant. I am kicking myself for not starting sooner. If we started trying sooner, we would have found the issue sooner and have been well into solutions by now. This stems from me wanting to be young with my kids. Never did I foresee issues.
I apologize for all my lengthy posts and I appreciate all of you taking the time to read and share your thoughts.

Hi ladies! I am brand new to this group as well and share similar feelings with many of you! I am 33 years old and my husband is 35, we have been trying for 15 months with no success so far. We went through one round of meds and IUI in November and it was so stressful that we decided to stop and have begun fertility acupuncture with herbal supplements instead.
@Callie2988, I completely understand your frustration with an "unexplained diagnosis"- that's exactly the "diagnosis" we were given too! It's so relieving to hear someone else understands that struggle. All the hope and anticipation every month makes each cycle go by at a snail's pace! It's the worst feeling ever, I haven't really expressed any of these emotions to anyone besides my partner because I hate to be a burden on others and just know that they don't understand the slowness of the days and the tears which follow.
@lyssmith, I am so there with you when you say you are closing off and isolating yourself. I don't want to be that person and know it's probably not good for me in the long run but it's so hard to see people's blank faces when I try to express my struggles, it's like they want to help but don't know how. I don't want to burden them with that. Of course I am speaking about the people who I really trust, as I would not feel comfortable even attempting to open up to acquaintances and the like. Also! Lyssmith, I want you to know that I have full compassion for you when you say you wanted to wait a little and enjoy married life. You have the complete right to have wanted that for you and your family! Please remember to be kind to yourself, you know a fertility specialist would tell you that you're quite young for someone wanting to have a child, as to them, approaching 40 is when it becomes a more grey area. They often tell me how young I am and I am 33! Not something I'm use to hearing ;).
Anyhow, ladies, I hope everyone stays happy and non-judgmental towards themselves as much as possible this month- as I know I am having a very hard time doing- but hearing from you all makes it a bit easier and less of a heavy load to carry on my own.

Thank you to you all and wish you the best of luck, laughter and light!

So just last night I got news that my other sister in law is pregnant. This is killing me and I know that I need to focus on myself and my husbands life but it’s SO HARD when I know it’s going to be in my face 24/7 when they are both sharing stories and being pregnant together as their due dates are a month apart.
@EmpatheticHearts I feel the same way. I know it’s the wrong thing to be doing by closing myself off but just don’t have the mindset to tell those closest to me. And yes my doctor did tell me I am young that’s on my side but that still doesn’t help calm my nerves. I always immediately go to the worst case scenario :( This is all such a struggle and I am hoping it gets better in time. Just these waiting games are killing me in between periods, appointments, now this surgery and options.

Thank you everyone and I’m sending my well wishes to you all!!

@lyssmith I truly know how you feel. I found out Wednesday night that my best friends little sister is pregnant. There have been so many other people, too, but this one hit really hard and I felt like I was just getting my bearings after getting the IUI failed news... It is incredible how bad it hurts. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I really wish I had a magic answer for you and anyone else..and myself. I'm happy this group is here. I really am because even tho I don't want anyone else to be going through this it's comforting to have actual voices who know.
@EmpathicHearts ugh the dreaded unexplained infertility! I completely hear you on sharing with just your husband. I know my family and some friends who know are there, which is comforting to know, however, it just doesn't help to share with them all that much. Just ends up feeling like i'm under some weird interrogation where i don't have answers to questions i don't want to be asked in the first place.

You all are amazing and don't forget that. Although this is a huge part of our lives and can consume so much of us, we are not just defined by this. A reminder for myself as well today :) Keep posting and take a deep breath if you haven't today!

Hi again ladies! Thank you so much for your kind words. Oh my goodness, I completely understand where you're coming from, one of my closest friends since middle school just told me that she's pregnant again with her second baby (she has a daughter who just turned one), and I couldn't be happier for her and yet at the same time it feels as if the dagger is going deeper into my heart each time I hear these stories! We had two couples over our house for Valentine's day and both were pregnant with their second child and discussing the in's and out's of everything! SO TOUGH TO HEAR. It's a reminder of how badly I want that. I was choosing baby names before I was even planning on getting pregnant, that's how crazy my expectations were! It seems SO simple for them, meanwhile, I am faced with the pain of re-buying pads and tampons every cycle, month after month.

@Callie2988, I really appreciate your encouragement and want you to know it truly made a difference in my day. I'm just coming to terms with forcing myself out of bed and out of a daze of disbelief from, once again, not being pregnant. You are all wonderful in your support for the rest of us and I think this community feel is what may get us through the rollercoaster of emotions we have to deal with.

I wanted to let everyone know that I found a great podcast called "Creating A Family" which is super educational about all kinds of things fertility related. It was hard to hear at first because I started educating myself on adoption but am now listening to the episode about yoga, acupuncture and nutrition and it's really hopeful! They have something suitable for everyone from IUI info to IVF to adoption. Check it out if you get a chance and let me know what you think.

*Deep Breath* ;) thanks, Callie!

@EmpathicHearts it is mutual :) I give you so much credit for getting through hanging out and hearing all the ins and outs of everything from your friends. Had to be so difficult. That feeling of being happy for others and at the same time sad for yourself is one that I still haven't gotten used to. It stings just as bad as the first or the 20th time. I know what you mean by getting out of the daze. It takes time and you do need that time to let yourself grieve and be sad. Otherwise you're just fighting yourself and the process of getting back into a happier state of mind. Thank you so much for the podcast recommendation! I've been thinking and researching on both IVF and Adoption and also on ways to just be better in general through this. Going to add this to my rainy day Sunday to do :)

Thinking of everyone. Deep Breath. Or ten :)

@EmpatheticHearts-thank you, I will check out the podcast!
Ugh this weekend was a tough one for me - I was surrounded by my pregnant sisters in law Saturday night and all day Sunday. I'm definitely distancing myself from the both of them. They invited me to get nails done before dinner Saturday night but I made up an excuse to not go. I can't bring myself to tell them the details of what's going on because I don't want the pity. I don't want them to have to be careful with what they're saying because I'm going through a tough time. I just don't want them to feel bad for me. I can't 100% explain it - I don't want to say I'm embarrassed, maybe defeated is the word I'm looking for. It's a hard pill to swallow.
I find myself being hopeful every month that we try. It's a rollercoaster - one minute I'm hopeful thinking this month is THE month I'll be pregnant. Then I'll come crashing down in another thought with 'why am I even thinking that, it's going to be the same story this month.' Does this happen to anyone else? Any tips on positive thinking?

Thanks again everyone, I appreciate the feedback and everyone sharing their stories.

@lyssmith it really is so hard and unfair. I am also surrounded by pregnant friends and family who seem to snap their fingers and get pregnant. I think I am ok, then ended up crying in a bathroom stall at a family event when someone told me she was pregnant. The hubby had to come into the ladies washroom to check on me! Sometimes even commercials make me bitter. I agree as well on the monthly emotional roller coaster we go through. I even get fake pregnancy symptoms and get very hopeful and start thinking of the month the baby would be born in, baby names etc. then get very disappointed when I am wrong, and I feel a terrible level of sadness. I also will think something is a "sign" that I am pregnant, which is also ridiculous. This past month I did so much better. I just did not think about it too much, focused on what is good in my life and kept busy. When I found out I was not pregnant I was surprisingly ok this time around, as I set no expectations for myself. I am also seeing a specialist in a few weeks so that may be part of me letting go, that this is not happening on it's own anymore. I think you have to balance not losing hope, without setting unrealistic expectations. Take it day by day. Somehow we will all find the strength to get through it. I am also seeing a fertility counsellor, and it has been so helpful just to have someone to talk to who understands. If you can see one, I recommend it. You have to take care of yourself and be your own advocate in this situation. I am trying to find an inner peace, because right now I am in a place where I think all will be ok. We all have amazing strength, courage and coping skills we never knew about. I am trying to leverage my inner strength to get through this. I think anyone going through this should give themselves total props for dealing with awkward questions, family events, hurtful comments and emotional pain. We are all rockstars.