Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

2,817 Members
29,973 Posts
0 Online
Women's Health
/ Infertility Support Group

Infertile and Depressed

TeAmo
TeAmo

I was supposed to be having a simple surgery at the age of 14 and woke from the surgery to find out I had a partial hysterectomy; while having my surgery they determined my uterus was cracked in half and my OBGYN had discussed it with my mom and thought it would be best to remove it while I was already in surgery. 


To find out at the ripe age of 14 that I would never get to carry my own child I was/am devastated. As if that wasn’t bad enough news, learning that at an age where I was nowhere near old enough to process it really made for a wild ride. I turned to drugs, drinking, sex and every other bad thing you can think of! My life spiraled out of control. 


I got my life back on track, graduated high school (a little late, but graduated none the less), went to college. I am now almost 30 and married with a big house we bought to expand our family.  But, like everyone else here, that process isn’t going to be easy (or cheap) for us. We have decided we want to go with surrogacy and have a surrogate carry our baby, and as much as I am thankful that I have good eggs and do have this option, it still kills me to know I can’t/will never carry my own baby! I just wish that for once in life something could just come naturally for me but  of course the one thing that should just be normal and natural as a woman, isn’t so natural for me. 


A lot of posts I’ve read everyone talks about how they’re so sick of hearing people say “ooh don’t worry”, “it could be worse” “it just wasn’t supposed to be that way for sure” ... that sh*t isn’t comforting FYI! 


Im at a point now where I don’t want this to rule my life anymore! I don’t want to be jealous and miserable when I see people with their kids or pregnant. If anyone has any advice on how to make this easier? Does the pain and envy really go away, ever? ..after 15 years am I just crazy to still let this make me feel worthless as a woman? Why is it so costly for me to have a baby, I work hard for my money, but the escort on the corner gets pregnant and has abortions every couple months, like where’s the fairness in that! 

ready4babie
ready4babie
I hate to say but it never “feels” better or goes away. Infertile is almost like a uncureable disease. You live with it everyday. I’m sad all the time and it’s out of my control. You sound so strong. Keep that. You’ll need it.
BHAlwaysTrying21
BHAlwaysTrying21
I am so sorry for all of the difficulty you are experiencing. I wish I could say I knew how to make it easier, but if I know all of the answers, I probably wouldn't have needed to turn to this website. I am constantly struggling with trying to be the supportive friend as all of my friends get pregnant and have babies, even though I am so jealous and sad on the inside. Each new pregnancy or birth announcement hurts because it reminds me of what I don't have, even though by my feelings I don't mean to take away from my friends' happiness at all. The only thing that really helps me is talking to people on here, offering advice where I have relevant experience, and talking to my friends so they know what I'm going through and I don't feel isolated. It can be awkward at first, but I am not one who is able to keep it inside, and I'd rather they know why I feel how I do and what I am going through so they can keep that in mind and be sensitive or support me in whatever way they know how, just as I do for them. Even though it hurts me to see all of the happy families around me, it would hurt me even more if I lost them from my life and still had no family of my own. I'm not sure if this is helpful at all, but I hope so. And at the very least, I hope it helps you feel less alone.
HJW
HJW
The jealousy, the reminders, the sadness, and the questions of why not me and the lowlife walking in front of me can so and easily, will never go away. But know that you are not alone in your struggle and in your thoughts. I think you are very brave for choosing surrogacy, after my miscarriage and finding out I was infertile I knew I could not experience another lost in my life or I would go crazy. Seeing a therapist helped me come to terms with my reality although the struggle never really goes away. Best of luck in your journey.
cosmicgirl12
cosmicgirl12
This’s really hard for me to read such posts… My story is almost the same. I’m infertile because I don’t have a uterus. I always knew I will never be able to carry my baby. But still I can't say this fact made my life easier. Especially when I was married for the first time, I knew it's time to have a family, to have children like everybody else. My first husband was constantly telling me that he doesn't want to have kids. Though I really wanted to become a mother, I decided to accept childless life. It seemed like I was destined not to have children. As it turned out later my husband had another woman who got pregnant and gave him a child. Not only he left me but he told me so many things which made me feel like I'm not a woman and I will never be able to create a family and be happy in marriage. Someone says we should accept infertility and just live with it. Well maybe someone can do that but I couldn't. Now I'm married and I have great husband. We are also thinking to have surrogacy. Now I'm looking for a fertility center or clinic where we can have this procedure. I completely understand your confusion about prices! When I started to look for surrogacy, I was shocked. Prices are so high! Honestly I was thinking this was a sign that we will never be able to have children. I was completely broken. Thanks to this group I found out that surrogacy will cost less if to go abroad. I haven't decided where we will go yet, but I really hope that our journey will start after holidays. I'm really sorry you are in such situation. I know from my own experience how hard it is when depression never leaves you. But surrogacy gives me hope that everything will change. I wish you best of luck! I hope it will change our lives for the best.