I want to scream with you. My best friend has had 3 children during the over 5 years we have been ttc. The most recent, she was actually giving birth to as I was miscarrying. When I went down to visit her right after the baby was born, she said to me that having her son just showed her that her family isn't complete yet and that she knows they will have at least one more baby. And I'm thinking to myself the whole time she has the nerve to say that to me when I can't even have one? The people the closest to is hurt us the most.

I'm new here and I was just wondering, how do you deal with the pain? I'm 42 and have no luck over the last 5 years. At 26, I had my left ovary/fallopian tube removed because of a tumor. In May, my unmarried sister calls to let me know that she is pregnant. At that point, my world crumbled. She quit talking to me and has since accused me of having negative feelings towards her child. My parent's haven't supported me and basically told me to just deal with it. And my husband, who has an adult child from his first marriage, hasn't been supportive either.

I just feel so alone and I have no one to talk too....

Thanks. I feel like I have no one who understand how I feel.

Waser....the pain for me comes and goes. I try to keep busy and not think about it too much. But sometimes I cant help it. It has gotten easier with time but I cant say if it ever goes away completely.
We are here at to talk to at DS that is. DS had helped a lot as we all go through similar things.

Hugs

Thank you, Starrcel! People don't realize how devastating it can be and are so quick to judge and criticize because they think you're being selfish. What hurts even more is that my family, including my husband, have pretty much turned their backs on me and left me to grieve my infertilitiy on my own, which is not going well at all. I hope one day I can be like you and not have the constant pain.

Thank you again!

Heidi

Waser-I have dealt with the pain by seeing a counselor. When I see her, I can talk to a real person about anything I want without feeling judged or selfish . Talking to her slowly helped me open up to, and be honest with, others. I own my infertility and while it is painful to acknowledge and deal with, I am not ashamed of it any more. And to be honest, I don't care if when I talk about it with others or if I bring it up to my family and friends , it makes them uncomfortable or iff they just don't get it because it is part of who I am now.

The world of IF is a very lonely and painful place, so you are welcome here.

Thank you, smh06! My husband and I have been seeing a marriage counselor and she does help. However, she fails to see, just as everyone else fails to see, that I'm grieving and trying to forgive myself for not being able to conceive. I'm not ashamed of my infertility, its a part of who I am. Just like my depression is a part of who I am. And I will speak about it because sometimes, that's the only way I get relief from my pain. Just right now, my husband and family are hearing me, they just aren't listening to me.

Thanks again!

Heidi

The counselor I see, I go to by myself. She is a grief counselor and I think that makes a difference.

I'll have to look into it, as I don't know how much my insurance will pay for considering it is already covering our marriage counseling. I will definitely look into it tho!

I can imagine your shock after hearing this one! Hang in there. The pain of being in the IF state is just overwhelming sometimes.