Hi Nadine,

I am so sorry to read that you're hurting. I also just turned 40 and my husband and I got married last year and were so excited to start trying for a family. We found out 5 months ago that my husband has a chromosome deletion and isn't able to produce sperm. He's only 34 so we assumed it was my issue. It's been a frustrating, scary, saddening time that has tested our love and strength as a couple. I'm thankful to report that we've come out stronger but it has been rough. We are doing ISCI (I think that's what it's called) and will undergo a Frozen Embryo Transfer in 3 weeks using donor sperm. I'm not sure what your situation is but there are more and more 40+ women doing IVF, IUI, ICSI, etc...and with success. You definitely didn't cause this to happen and hopefully, you can start seeing a counselor to guide you and your husband through what options you do have to be the mother you know you can be. I'll think good thoughts for you both and believe me when I say, I understand the pain. Take care.

Thank you for your reply KatieinKS, this is the hardest thing I've gone through and I'm deeply saddened. This week I even had nightmares about it all. Here in Southern California costs for IVF are about $40,000 and about $18,000 if you split the cost with up to 3 couples. I understand that splitting the cost may be an option if you are using an egg donor and if she has a high volume of eggs they can be shared with others to lower IVF costs. I haven't read up on IUI or ICSI but my doctor suggested an egg donor since my body isn't producing eggs. It's so much to take in and it's hard to not let it get the best of me. Thank you for your good thoughts, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sending good vibes your way on the Frozen Embryo Transfer. Best of luck to you and your hubby. Take care.

The emotions make this journey even harder! a good friend of mine just had her 4th child and while i'm very happy for her, i'm kinda glad that i live far away and can't participate in the celebrations. It will just be a reminder to me and to everyone else that i don't have a child. Sometimes i wonder if people are feeling bad for me and my husband.. it's such a tough thing, and each journey is so unique.. i am sending you support and hugs.

Thank you for your reply Lilie315. That is true, the emotions do make it even harder. If I could hide my emotions I would, but I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve. I hear what you mean about having to participate in celebrations where there are children or family with kids. It's tough, and Thanksgiving was a struggle for me. I believe I'm getting stronger, but I know I need to give myself time to grieve. During the work week I'm okay but come the weekend, I'm at my limit emotionally and it's a struggle. So far I've only told 2 friends that I really felt like I could trust and just a handful of family members. Once I feel more comfortable with the issue I'll let other female family members know. It's just so darn hard because it's heart breaking really. I appreciate your support and hugs, thank you for that. I'm sending support and hugs your way as well. :-)

Dear Nadine,

My name is Syeda.I am writing down my story to you for giving you some kind of condolences.We don't know the way of our life journey.My story might be more harder than you.However , I don't know your whole entire life story. Hope this letter will give you little patience and faith on your journey.
Not too long ago I came here in this country.We came here to establish a good life for us and our future baby's.As we have been encountering lots of new strategies of this country and getting familiar on those day by day. Within two years we experience unexpected news which was my husband has a Brain Cancer.Oh god it was a nightmare for us. Again with the huge strength I had to continue myself as well as my sick husband.If you ever seen any cancer family,you could imagine the whole scenario.My life was disaster.I fought myself and motivates him with lots of inspiration.But, after lots of treatments and hard work ,I was not be able to hold him with me.He left me with his last breath on earth and first breath in heaven.
Well all we know,life never stops no matter what happens in our life.I had to remarry due to lots of reasons. I stars my new life with lots hope again.There is a proverb (Man proposes but God disposes).It has been almost three years,I have been coping with infertility.Again I encountered with more news which is I am the patient of lots issues.As a consequence,it is very hard for me to get pregnant while day by day as I am getting older.Still I have hope in my heart and mind somewhere that I will hold my own baby on my hand.That baby will come and we will meet one day.I know the reality which is very hard to accept. My mind don't want to accept this reality because I had already face the hard time .I fought with cancer.I was so strong women and kept my strength to see my beloved person leaving next to me.I don't have anymore strength to fight with any other strong issue.At last ,I want to say one word,just wait for the miracle from God.Forget about the science.Good luck.

If you want ,I could talk with you over phone.I live in Maryland which is in east coast.My number is 301-300-4053.Since we are in the same boat,it will be easy to chat and realise our sadnesses.

Hi Yasin2017 I'm not comfortable with talking on the phone about this struggle of mine, I appreciate the offer though. Take care.