Hi DivaDiDi - just wrote you a message, too :) You are not being sensitive, I think your feelings and thoughts about those certain comments are truly valid - I always say to my husband it would be weirder if these comments didn't sting us! Unfortunately people are insensitive towards this because they truly have 0 idea what this is like. I constantly have to remind myself their ignorance on the subject isnt really their fault - they were blessed to not have this struggle and I wouldn't want them, too - but knowing this doesn't make it any easier to deal with everyone else's thoughts and comments on our situation.

I'm sorry about your relative making that announcement to you like that. I just wish sometimes people just knew to acknowledge things separately and say the news that way. I had a family group chat as well where my cousin announced they were having their 3rd child, I got a congratulations out, but it wasn't easy. There was another group chat about a family gathering and when people started changing the plans and talking about what they could and couldn't do because they have children, I removed myself from the chat. Some things are just too annoying to stick around for! There have been so many instances and things over the last few years that still bother me. I try and take a deep breath and let it go for the time and remember this is all somehow making me stronger to deal with life in general. And making me a much more sensitive and intuitive person to others struggles.

Honestly, if you actually said your last statement out loud, I'm sure that would stop her from saying that to anyone else and put her straight in her place lol :) Best to you. XX

You're not being overly sensitive. What you're feeling is normal. I get these kind of comments all the time and it's a struggle not to snap. My husband and I have been trying for three + years, almost four. No pregnancies. None. I JUST found out that my fifth IUI failed and this next one is my last chance since IVF isn't an option due to lack of coverage and the fact we aren't rich so the struggle not to yell, "Screw yourself!" at people has tripled. Sometimes I feel like I'm halfway to running outside and telling random strangers to go to heck (I wouldn't actually do that but the urge and seething impotent rage is there.)

One of my sister in laws friends accidentally got pregnant a fourth time. I told her "congratulations" because I try not to act like a bitter jerk about things. Awkward conversation about how she didn't want it ensued. That one was hard.

We're having senior troubles with my father right now and my sister keeps bringing up her children as the reason why she can't visit him more often and why I'M more suited to take care of him than she is. To note she doesn't mean harm and has SOME valid points, but a lot of them felt like "I'm using my kids as a shield to keep from doing things I don't want to". I finally had to tell her to stop bringing up her kids as a "reason" with me as it was shoving my inability to conceive straight in my face. She was startled and didn't even think about the implications.

Point is it's ALWAYS okay to draw boundaries in situations that hurt you even if it's less than rational. For the record your situation is a very rational place to draw the boundary You're in a position that by its nature makes you very emotionally vulnerable and guarding yourself against further hurt is ESSENTIAL to your own sanity and you should never feel guilty about it.

I hope everything works out.

I agree with @Tiny_Nerd - It's OK to feel how you feel. On the other hand, they care about you and they probably don't know how to help, so they try the best they can. Have you told them how they can help you? I'm in my first round of IVF and I told my friends to please check in with me and offer me encouraging thoughts/words/pictures during the shots phase. It's really helped!
Good luck and I hope *fingers crossed* that you are lucky :)

Sorry, dear. I've come to the realization after years of infertility struggle that people aren't intentionally bad or evil, they're all just stupid. Yes. stupid. Most people are very stupid and uneducated. They are not "mindful." They only see life through their lenses and have their own biases about things they do not understand. Some even mean very well. And this is how I cope with the comments. I just stare at them and smile and many times laugh, and they think I am thick skinned, but really, in my head I am talking to God and thinking "wow, how does this moron function and manage to live for so long?" LOL. I especially do this to the people that say "go on a vacation and you'll get pregnant." Those people are certifiably stupid and must have failed biology. The nicest people I know told me they read about infertility and how to talk to a friend/family member because they didn't know what it was like or how to even bring it up. Also, if people are inappropriate, you have every right to reply back any way you'd like, and defend yourself if you need to.

Hang in there! And Lord have mercy on the stupid people!