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This is really long, I apologize...
So...I'll start this off by saying that I am a fiercely private person. When my husband and I got married, we just went to the courthouse because I didn't want to be the center of attention and frankly felt like it was no one's business. He convinced me that we needed to have our parents and sisters there for the little ceremony and I begrudgingly agreed...and I honestly regret that decision every time I think back to our wedding. I wish it had just been the two of us...everyone in there was crying and trying to be quiet about it and making me nervous...I spent the whole time rocking back and forth on my feet and squeezing my husband's hands so hard he said he thought I was going to break his fingers.
I never told anyone that we were trying for a baby. Not my mom, not my sisters, not my closest friends, not even random strangers online...until now. I was hesitant to even tell my doctor that we were trying...when I tell you that I am a fiercely private person who doesn't like people knowing her business I am NOT KIDDING. Anyway, I shared my endo diagnosis with my mom because she knew I'd been suffering in pain for years...of course she told everyone she knows. I know she didn't do it to hurt me, but my mom has a really big mouth and loves to talk (maybe she's the reason I'm so private?). This is exactly the reason that I've never told her that we have been TTC.
I found out right before Christmas that my husband told his mother about my endo diagnosis and I burst into tears. My mother in law has bad MS and she's not quite with it...but ALL she ever wants to do is talk about medical problems, hers or anyone else's. My husband promised me that he told his mother not to tell anyone and not to talk to me about it. So of course I show up for Christmas and my SIL immediately grabs me and starts asking me all about my surgery and if we'll be able to have kids and blah blah blah...I was absolutely mortified. Then my MIL drags me into the other room and was like, "you know, *I* had endometriosis and *I* had to have a hysterectomy and blah blah" and I just put my hands up and as politely as possible told her that I have absolutely no interest in discussing it but thanked her for her concern.
My mom (and a few close friends) know that I am going to see an RE in a few days, but they all think it's just because I want the lap surgery again for pain relief. That's true...but I'm mostly concerned about my fertility and I want to get pregnant ASAP. My mom keeps hinting that she wants to go to the appointment with me and I finally flat out told her NO...she went to my post-op with me and because she was there I didn't want to ask my doctor any fertility questions.
Am I completely nuts? As I am typing this I realize how ridiculous it sounds but I just DON'T want anyone to know that I'm having fertility problems. This is exactly why I never told anyone when we first started trying: I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and then everyone would be all up in my business asking me questions and giving me advice and looking at me with pity...I don't want that. Honestly, if/when I DO get pregnant I probably won't even tell anyone until it's obvious and I can't hide it. Am I nuts? I think I'm nuts. I'm also really bummed because I got my period two days ago so that's another month that I'm not pregnant...and to add insult to injury, my cramps have been so unbelievably brutal that I've been downing Vicodin like it's candy and only getting enough relief to take the edge off. All I want to do is go home and have a big fat drink (or five), but I can't because I'm certainly not mixing narcotics and alcohol. Ugh. I'm just having an awful fucking day. I also just found out a girl I went to high school with who I didn't particularly care for (okay, I hated her because she was a mean bitch) is pregnant...and due on my birthday. I just want this day to END.
So...I'll start this off by saying that I am a fiercely private person. When my husband and I got married, we just went to the courthouse because I didn't want to be the center of attention and frankly felt like it was no one's business. He convinced me that we needed to have our parents and sisters there for the little ceremony and I begrudgingly agreed...and I honestly regret that decision every time I think back to our wedding. I wish it had just been the two of us...everyone in there was crying and trying to be quiet about it and making me nervous...I spent the whole time rocking back and forth on my feet and squeezing my husband's hands so hard he said he thought I was going to break his fingers.
I never told anyone that we were trying for a baby. Not my mom, not my sisters, not my closest friends, not even random strangers online...until now. I was hesitant to even tell my doctor that we were trying...when I tell you that I am a fiercely private person who doesn't like people knowing her business I am NOT KIDDING. Anyway, I shared my endo diagnosis with my mom because she knew I'd been suffering in pain for years...of course she told everyone she knows. I know she didn't do it to hurt me, but my mom has a really big mouth and loves to talk (maybe she's the reason I'm so private?). This is exactly the reason that I've never told her that we have been TTC.
I found out right before Christmas that my husband told his mother about my endo diagnosis and I burst into tears. My mother in law has bad MS and she's not quite with it...but ALL she ever wants to do is talk about medical problems, hers or anyone else's. My husband promised me that he told his mother not to tell anyone and not to talk to me about it. So of course I show up for Christmas and my SIL immediately grabs me and starts asking me all about my surgery and if we'll be able to have kids and blah blah blah...I was absolutely mortified. Then my MIL drags me into the other room and was like, "you know, *I* had endometriosis and *I* had to have a hysterectomy and blah blah" and I just put my hands up and as politely as possible told her that I have absolutely no interest in discussing it but thanked her for her concern.
My mom (and a few close friends) know that I am going to see an RE in a few days, but they all think it's just because I want the lap surgery again for pain relief. That's true...but I'm mostly concerned about my fertility and I want to get pregnant ASAP. My mom keeps hinting that she wants to go to the appointment with me and I finally flat out told her NO...she went to my post-op with me and because she was there I didn't want to ask my doctor any fertility questions.
Am I completely nuts? As I am typing this I realize how ridiculous it sounds but I just DON'T want anyone to know that I'm having fertility problems. This is exactly why I never told anyone when we first started trying: I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and then everyone would be all up in my business asking me questions and giving me advice and looking at me with pity...I don't want that. Honestly, if/when I DO get pregnant I probably won't even tell anyone until it's obvious and I can't hide it. Am I nuts? I think I'm nuts. I'm also really bummed because I got my period two days ago so that's another month that I'm not pregnant...and to add insult to injury, my cramps have been so unbelievably brutal that I've been downing Vicodin like it's candy and only getting enough relief to take the edge off. All I want to do is go home and have a big fat drink (or five), but I can't because I'm certainly not mixing narcotics and alcohol. Ugh. I'm just having an awful fucking day. I also just found out a girl I went to high school with who I didn't particularly care for (okay, I hated her because she was a mean bitch) is pregnant...and due on my birthday. I just want this day to END.
2nd - You are not nuts. We did not tell our familes we were were TTC let alone having issues until we had been seeing our RE for 6 months. And we are close and fairly open with our families! It started as we wanted people to be 100% surprised when we were expecting, then it turned into not telling people because it was not happening quickly, then seeing an RE we figured it would happen sooner than later so why tell people until we were pregnant. We finally told our parents after we moved onto IUIs and were talking possible future IVF. Then we told a few really close friends once our families knew and once we decided to move onto IVF. So I completly get where you are coming from about not telling anyone.
And good for you for telling your mom No! Its up to you. Tell anyone you want, whenever you feel comfortable with it. And if you never tell anyone, other than us here on DS thats fine too.
Good luck at your appointment! And have a good weekend hun!
So do what makes you feel comfortable, you are the one going through everything and need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable!!!
Little do they know that we've been TTC since the day we said "I do," and it has been an excruciating journey. There are some times I wish I could talk to my mom or super-fertile sister about it, because it would be awesome to get their support. But I can't take the pity. And I know once I open that door, there's no shutting it. Every phone conversation will entail a fertility update. This journey is so intensely private and personal (and painful), that I think most of us keep it under wraps.
I've actually heard my family tell people that I'm choosing to focus on my career instead of having kids. I have no idea where that came from, but it makes me feel like maybe they're ashamed it hasn't happened for me either.
Hang in there!!!
Hang in there.
My mom and I barely talk now cuz she had to blab to everyone and couldn't understand why I wanted her to keep her f'ing trap shut. I barely talk to my sis now, but that's a whole other story. So basically I have ruined 2 relationships over this and only talk to my friend from college. She's TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!
We had a miscarriage that my mom blabbed about but if we ever get pregnant again, I have already started planning ways to not tell anyone (except my friend from college) until the baby is born. May not go as planned but I think I can hide it A LONG TIME and I will.
If this is how you live your life, then do it that way. I hate living with regrets and everyday I regret telling my mom, sis & ex-friend. Absolutely hate it.
I do not blame you for wanting to put your foot down and tell your mom no at this point. If you are feeling pressured or uncomfortable, you do what's right for YOU. No question about it.
You are NOT nuts. And you are certainly NOT alone! I am currently enduring another month of my period symptoms coming on, and the sadness that I continue to deal with these demons of mine...
*HUGS* you are not alone