Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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theletter12 07/15/2008

I can't keep thinking that people think I will not be a good mother...and that is why I haven't been able to get pregnant while everyone else in my life can. It is so upsetting to me. I recently volunteered to watch my husband's nephew's child and they just brushed my offer off. I was holding the baby for just like 10 minutes and he started to cry and they tried to take him off me like I couldn't settle him down. Granted I've never had a baby...but geez...I got him quiet just like anyone else and he was fine. All babies cry.

I feel like everyone is evaluating me. I don't go screaming into rooms and yelling let me hold the baby. And I generally don't seek out the children to play with but if the opportunity presents itself I do play with the children or hold the baby. What are you like with children/babies?

I feel so crappy. I think I'll be a great mom. I gotta stop worrying about what others are thinking. ugh...

deleted_user 07/15/2008

People always tend to think the people that dont have children don't know how to handle them. It isn't true. The fact is people who don't have children have more sensitivity toward them I don't know you personally but i also beleive you will be a great mother most likely one of the best.
Don't let anyone get you down because the woman who cannot have babies are the ones who apprecate very moment when it does happen.
Keep the hope because it sounds to me like you were made for motherhood.

deleted_user 07/15/2008

I just wanted to let you know that when my DD was a baby and she started to cry I always went and got her from anybody who was holding her---it wasn't for any other reason then I felt bad for them. I am now about to be 27 weeks pregnant (my DD is 16----so it took awhile to have another baby) and I will still feel bad if he cries while someone other than DP or myself is holding him. I actually have/had the opposite problem---everybody always wants me to watch their kids because I love kids so much. Honestly, I really don't want to be everyones first choice babysitter---I am a teacher but a high school teacher. I will never understand why people think I would want to watch their kids just because I am a teacher. Anyway don't worry about what anybody else thinks (even though I am sure they do not think that you will be a bad mother) Soon you will be holding your very own baby. Good luck!!!!!

deleted_user 07/15/2008

You will be a good mommy, don't worry about what other people think. I hold every baby I can get my hands on (ha-ha)!!

deleted_user 07/15/2008

When it's your baby you will know what to do, everything will just come. You'll know what your baby needs before anyone else. You will be a good mom, better than most because you had to work hard and wait so long to have him/her.

deleted_user 07/15/2008

I am in the same ocean different boat as you. I am the one people always give their baby to when they can't settle them down. I work with kids and always hear how great of a mother I will be. But I also feel like people are evaluating me or pitying me.

I think that IF shakes us to the very core and that all of the pressure, expectations and anxiety usually comes from ourselves. I hope that makes sense.

You WILL be a great mother some day.

MrsMarsh 07/15/2008

I totally understand the feeling that others don't thing your capeable.

It's not like they got some special manual when they had the child. ;)

I would say in the last 2 years I have had the same spproach. I don't seek out the babies anymore either. I sit back and let everyone else have their turn. But, after I get the chance to have the interation. It's not as sad as I thought.

I tend to be the person who is able to get babies to laugh really easily. This past weekend. Two of my DH's were there with their 1 year old adopted childeren. I had little Andrew laughing deep belly laughs. It was too cute.

Hang in there. People think that those who are mothers are bad Mothers, because they don't do it the way that they would. I think it's just the nomal "female competition" that we are all in but didn't sign up for.

deleted_user 07/15/2008

My latest rant is 'everyone needs an infertile friend' because I've been feeling taken advantage of as the town babysitter. Of course it's easier to ask me because I don't have kids and I love them but still.... Anyway - I know that it's the opposite to what you are saying but i think my feelings come from a similar place.... Does that make any sense at all?

You will be a great mum because you will appreciate it soooo much. Wishing you lots of baby dust xxx

deleted_user 07/15/2008

I always have felt that way when a friend or family member asks me to watch thier child for the first time and after that they see how well I can do they usually dont bother me but I had a recent experience with my brother in law where i needed to something for his six month old and I was going to it my way and he rushed in to do himself and told me that I needed to learn to improvise if i wanted to be a parent i was like gee like I didnt already know that UGH Im usaully really great with kids and sometimes they listen better to me than thier own parents

deleted_user 07/15/2008

Well, if fertility rates were based on actual ability-most of the people I know wouldn't have children. So don't think that just because you are going through IF you are not meant to be a mother. I think most people see a lack of experience in someone with no children. I don't really think it has anything to do with them thinking that you aren't good with kids or wouldn't be a good mother.

deleted_user 07/15/2008

I am sorry you are feeling that your family doesn't "trust you" with babies so to say. I sometimes think that people who have children think that those of us who don't either don't want to deal with them or don't want to be around them. Have you expressed these concerns to your family? Let them know that you are pefectly capable of handling them? As for me, I have 4 neices and 1 nephew and I have helped take care of all of them since they were babies so my family knows that I am capable and able to care for them. I am a primary grade teacher so I spend all day around young children and have handled it fine. I hope that things are ok and work out for you in the end.

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