Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
As some of you already know, my best mates wife is pregnant. Since I lost my angel 2 years ago and my other baby recently, someone close to me has been pregnant EVERY DARN YEAR! first my husbands (cousin 3 months trying and she is over 40)- she announced her pregnancy to everyone but us just a month after my 1st miscarriage and then I found out only because of my mIL who told my husband then my nephew's girlfriend.. not planed just oopps I guess, my other best friend this year, IVF first time and my best friend rung me up a about a month after I lost my second baby to tell me that they were pregnant.. his words... it took a while (5 months) but we got it in the end! (they already have 3 kids between them 2 his and 1 hers).
Anyway, he FB me to see how I am the other day, what I am up to (I moved to another state at the beginning of the year) blah blah blah... and I know he is trying to catch up and find out when I am coming home (we always catch up when I go home and this time I will be going back for 3 weeks over Christmas)
I'm just not sure how to handle this, he is like a brother to me, we have known each other for over 15 years, and I know I would hurt him terribly if I said to him that I don't want to see him and his wife because of my own petty hung ups! Neither can I ask him for us to catch up without his wife, he would be very upset not to mention how upset she would be!!!
I'm in such a bind, I don't want to avoid them but neither do I want to put my self in an awful situation were I will end up in tears and depressed for days.
You would think that after 6 almost 7 years of battling IF I would have better coping mechanisms, but the reality is that I still feel as clueless on how to get through these hurdles as when this horrible journey started all those years ago... Any advise would be supper appreciated!!!
Anyway, he FB me to see how I am the other day, what I am up to (I moved to another state at the beginning of the year) blah blah blah... and I know he is trying to catch up and find out when I am coming home (we always catch up when I go home and this time I will be going back for 3 weeks over Christmas)
I'm just not sure how to handle this, he is like a brother to me, we have known each other for over 15 years, and I know I would hurt him terribly if I said to him that I don't want to see him and his wife because of my own petty hung ups! Neither can I ask him for us to catch up without his wife, he would be very upset not to mention how upset she would be!!!
I'm in such a bind, I don't want to avoid them but neither do I want to put my self in an awful situation were I will end up in tears and depressed for days.
You would think that after 6 almost 7 years of battling IF I would have better coping mechanisms, but the reality is that I still feel as clueless on how to get through these hurdles as when this horrible journey started all those years ago... Any advise would be supper appreciated!!!
I am facing the feeling of fear with going home at Thanksgiving to see my parents because my brother's wife is pregnant and I'm scared to death as to how I'm going to feel. They said that it's ok if I cry while I'm there, but I don't think that they quite get it. The last time that I was faced with someone close to me being pregnant, I went into a complete panic attack because a mutual friend of my brothers and mine was going to come over with his pregnant wife. I was lucky enough because they ended up cancelling, but before knowing that, I was a complete mess!!
Every situation is different, but I would think that if you are close, you should be able to be really brutally honest with your friend. I would email him explaining that your IF struggles have been very hard on you physically and emotionally, only go into details you are comfortable with. Then also let him know that you are glad he is having a baby, but that he needs to try to understand how hard it is on you to get together and hear all about the baby. So, if you are to get together when you are home, that you would hope he could keep the baby-talk to a minimum. Then when the time comes, if you are still incredibly uncomfortable, do like what alana said and say you are sick, or whatever other excuse you can come up with.
I have had to have these uncomfortable conversations with several fertile friends through the years. At first they might be taken aback, but they will turn around quickly and take your feelings to heart if they are true friends.
Sadly, I think a lot of people just dont get it. Im not saying it makes them stupid or evil; they just cannot comprehend how anyone could be anything less than happy for THEM. I say, go with your gut. You might know your friend well enough to determine whether he will be one of the few that get it or if it will just be beyond his reasoning. You might save yourself some agony by playing sick (that was a good idea, Alanabanana)
Hope things workout. IF is hard on friendships