Awwww, I read your post and felt so much when reading it. I am 43 and have been trying for almost 2 years. I had a miscarriage last September at 2 months and haven't gotten pregnant since. I had 3 failed attempts with IUI's and I was starting to do my 1st IVF treatment...until today when my doctor said I only created 1 follicle and since we are paying out of pocket he suggested we switch to another IUI. Next month if I only create 1 follicle he said we should go ahead and do IVF for 2 cycles (if needed) before I give up on getting pregnant with my own egg. I was a mess for the better half of today, but I am telling myself I have to be realistic that I may not have a child with my DNA. My husband and I are looking in to a donor egg and adoption as well.

DO NOT feel like a failure! You are not any less than the women out there who got pregnant with less of a struggle. <3 God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. We are unique group with damn strong perseverance. Many times I felt anger and despair....I still do, but ultimately I have to tell myself I am strong and this will not break me. As this will not break you! Try to keep the hope. I know because I have not gotten pregnant again and I am getting older my chances aren't that great...yeah, it hurts me, but I try to find things to help me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I started to see a therapist, I pray more, and I try to find acceptance that I may not have a baby with my DNA. I also try to watch things that make me laugh - be it movies or tv shows.

I still have days I want to curl up in a ball and cry and cry. Sure, I do cry and cry, but eventually I take a deep, breath tell myself I'm a bad ass and that not many women can go through what I have and am. Same goes for you. Be strong and find ways to nurture your spirit. I am sending you good vibes and strength. You are not alone, we all have each other. If you ever want to talk off the board, just message me!

Thank you for this! I really did need to hear that I wasn't alone in this! It is really such a struggle! I think honestly for me the reason it hasn't happened is because of the mental block I have. Too many people or doctors saying my chances are so low and that my reserve is just too low and that I waited too long. Than a friend yesterday who is a says she is a Psychic said it's impossible for me to carry a child due to health reasons which what health reasons there would be I have no idea because she didn't know. Just a lot negative things happening all at once!
You are right I need to trust in God and give this to him. There is nothing else I can do at this point in time and honestly I'm tired of feeling sad and helpless. It would be such a relief in a way to just give it all up finally once and for all! Maybe a kind of freedom.
You know for you, you would still get the blessing of carrying the child with donor eggs. That baby will still feel like your child I believe! It's a blessing for you to be able to still be pregnant and have a child even if it's not your DNA. Also I have heard of another girl who did a donor egg and after she had the baby she got pregnant naturally with her own eggs! So you never know what could be in store for either of us! Yes we should talk off the board and help each other out! I could really use the support as it sounds like you could as well!

Daisy99 - I literally just joined this group about 2 mins ago, and came across your post. I too have been trying to conceive with my wife for almost a year (I can’t imagine how you feel after 4). My story is a little opposite - my wife gave birth to our beautiful 3 1/2 year daughter. She is older than me so naturally we thought best for her to go first. I’m getting to a point where I too may have to come to terms with not having a biological child. Not due to age, but other factors... but I just had to tell you.... if your wife ends up being able to birth a child, that baby will always be just as much yours. There are literally days I forget I didn’t give birth to this awesome little girl lol. I think parenthood just does that to you. Especially when I performed the insemination, and was there for the birth, and was the first one to hold her hand. As hard as it is for me to think I may not carry one myself no matter how bad I want to, there is a whole other aspect to being “the other one” and having been able to support and nurture my wife during her pregnancy. I have no advice on how to learn to let go... if you get any good stuff I’d love to hear it :)... but as far as being the other one.. it was a blessing all in itself. - best of luck to you as you continue your journey <3

IVF DE might be an option. My sis knows a few ladies who underwent IVF DE in Poland and Russia, and gave birth to a healthy baby.

Thank you so much for all of your comments and support. I do feel like I am coming more and more to terms with having a child with my wife's egg. I really do appreciate your view point Picklebutt38. I know of a few others who have said that they felt that the baby from their wife was just as much their child as the baby they actually had themselves. This fertility journey has defiantly been hard but I do look forward to someday having a child in some way! I might actually let my wife try to get pregnant now while I take a little break from it all. Maybe once we have a baby I will feel so much better about the situation. I have also heard of people going to Russia and Poland to do IVF because it's cheaper and less invasive. This is defiantly something to consider! Thank you for this!