Hi chickadeedeedee - I just wrote to you in another post, too, and saw this post after :) After my third failed IUI, I asked myself the same questions. I still do, but I do feel I have found a few things that help me pull through when I get into that dark space. After the news that it didn't work again - and it was the one we agreed would be our last IUI before moving on - I cried for about two weeks straight and I just felt like I needed something more to help me. So I am not a religious person at all; I am spiritual and I do believe there is something greater than us, but either way, I felt lost and wished I had something to hand some of this burden over to. At the risk of sounding a little insane, I was told by a spiritual healer to pray to the following saints - Saint Pio, Mother Mary, Saint Germain and Saint Gerard. She also told me to talk to my baby and tell them that I am ready when they are, and we are here waiting with open arms and love. It was hard for me but I ended up writing down like a prayer paper, and when I feel awful, I read it and I pray to them (and I've never really done anything like this before) and remind myself what all of this crazy insane ride is all for. I finally shared this with my husband and he was appreciative of this and I think made him feel better, too.

I also started doing a little bit of yoga before bed and seeing a chiropractor until I start IVF to help with all the stress I hold in my shoulders and back. I also try very hard if I'm having a rough day to talk to my husband and just let him know now instead of trying to hold it all in and have it come out in weird or angry ways.

There is no right or wrong way to deal with all of this. It's hard and confusing. Love each other hard and remember that even tho this is all so painful, in a strange way, this is bringing you so much closer and with a deeper understanding of what you both mean to each other. I totally understand doing everything right and everything looking great with the result to come back a big no. And remind yourself - you are strong. Not everyone has this huge thing going on and gets up every day and still goes on. You're doing everything you can to fight for what you want, and to me, that already makes you an extremely strong person.

Hold on and keep going. Also, deep breaths when you're feeling anxious through the day help a lot!! XX

Callie2988.... thank you SO much. I really appreciate your suggestions around prayer. It's difficult to endure something that you feel you've prayed so hard for and it keeps not coming true. I've written down all these saints and will look into them more. I started reading a book about communicating with your "spirit baby" and though it sounds SO crazy... it feels right. I thought I "saw" my baby several times during acupuncture treatment and have always felt that the baby is up there somewhere... just waiting for him to come down and meet us. Thank you so much for this. You really made my day with your understanding and kind words.

Absolutely. I'm going to look into the book you wrote about, too. I understand what you mean by seeing your baby. I used to not let myself go there because it was so painful, but now I find comfort in allowing myself to conceptualize all of it. I'm glad we could connect on this :)