some people are just mean, and family is usually the worst. If they have not been through it then they have no clue. I would probably try to ignore the subject if it was brought up. Because if i didn't i would explode on some people. Thats just what i would do though. Be strong and dont let anyone make it worse for you. Try to be happy for the ones that are expecting. Its hard i know, but you will feel better in the end. (i hope). good luck, if u ever need to talk, im here

how about a pre-conversation with them--without hubby present or in ear shot.

Regardless of why you have infertility, it isn't their call & it isn't their place to be saying much at all.

We have problems at big family get-togethers too. My DH never noticed til i pointed it out, that every single time we go to some family party SOME ONE has to ask 'so, when you trying again?' in one way or another. I say "someday" and then say soemthing else like 'I love your necklace! Wow, where did u get it?'

they see you don't want to talk about it, and get the hint. And, probably they then wont mind talking about themselves LOL.

Oh man do i know how inconsiderate people can be. My friends brother was like when are you and hubs gonna have another baby. Just straight out the gate OMG I said when my ovaries start working! I was pissed. You just have to ignore them and I know its hard. But for your sake of not giving them a TKO for such rude comments.

My dad is very accusatory towards my dh since dh is the one with problems. He doesn't understand why I am not willing to "just" go to a sperm bank. My dh has been through surgery and endured all sorts of tests and deserves respect for that, but Dad isn't giving him any. The best way to deal with it I have found is to be assertive like ang550 said. I told my Dad it wasn't his decision and that his job is to just love and spoil the baby, no matter how it comes into our lives. Hang in there!!!

Thanks for everyone's help I will keep that in mind next weekend when I go to the party. I hope things go well but there is going to be tons of little kids and newborn babies there so I just dont know. We will see though.

Wow that is nuts. We all have a few of those in our families though. I usually just tell them the subject is not up for discussion with me so that they cant say those things to me. I just dont want to hear it from them at all. Tell them that their comments really upset you and you dont want them to talk to you about babies.

I came to the conclusion that I made a mistake when I told family (mine and husband's side)and friends about my troubles conceiving. I was totally surprised to find out how insensitive and harsh people are. You think they care about you, but at times like this you realize they do not comprehend that you are going through rough times. They take for granted getting pregnant it can be very difficult for some of us, and it is a big deal.
I have a dear friend or at least thought that she was. She would always ask about how I was doing and always said the wrong things. I decided that I will not tell people like that anything else. I don't need that. I think so far is working because they realized that I don't want to talk about it with them anymore. So this is my way of dealing with this matter.

if they think they can treat you like that...then you can just not go to your mother's birthday party. i know most ppl want to be nice and cordial, but if your FAMILY can be that callous and uncaring, then you dont need that negativity in your life, and i think it would be less detrimental to your health to just not be around it.

Well this is a topic that blows me away. The thing that we have to realize is, that, as I'm sure we've all figured out, unless they have been through it, they don't understand how hurtful they are. Most people don't think of getting pregnant as a miracle anymore. They may say it, but they don't really believe that because in their mind, anyone can get pregnant. So they tend to be unaware that there are a lot of us that really want to be pregnant and can't. They must look at it in terms of, for instance, not getting the boat you want! I have found, after 7 years, of just, one at a time, when someone who normally asks me something walks up to me and says hey, how are you, I respond with something like " I'm just a little sad" of course they will ask why and I just tell them how difficult it is to be around so many children and babies.... and then go as far as to say to them ( as if talking about other people...but actually about the person you are speaking to) that so many people just don't understand and that hearing things like "relax" and "it will happen" and "when are you going to get pregnant" and "do you want my kids as birth control" are of no help or consolation to me! Usually they stop themselves pretty quick from saying anything again and you don't have to be accusing or anything. It's a soft way of addressing it. i'm sure if they knew how hurtful they were, they would likely stop. They often usually need someone to talk to about what you just said so then the word gets around without you having to do it!

Another thing I have been doing is on my my space and facebook, I have posted www.tearsandhope.com for people to watch if they choose. I have had a few people email me with supportive messages.

Lastly I started to write a book called "before we were parents" It is therapy for me of all the emotions and treatments we have gone through. I don't want to forget this time in our life as it has been important. When I finish it, I plan to have it out regularly for family, especially to read. There are no names for finger pointing but I imagine some people will know that it is them being spoken about in the book. If you want to read what I have so far or are interested in writing your own, contact me and I am happy to help. It has been a great way to get emotions out.

HTH
Jenn

and btw, i meant it blows me away that we have to deal with this from family and friends, not blows me away that it is being discussed. I think that came across kinda rude. I'm sorry

Hi there, I'm Sienna and I'm about to find out whetherr my first round of IVF has been successful. I've been posting in the July/August buddies forum but this topic caught my eye as it's close to home for me.I have some family that think infertility is in your imagination, that somehow you invent it for yourself. Ha! If only you could invent your own family if that is the case... Anyway I wanted to tell you there is a great site invitrofertilitygoddess.com where the author has written a book and does lots of articles that are very funny. I go on it every now and then to cheer myself up but she's got, if you're in the mood for it, a hilarious article on tips for dealing with smug pregnants and relatives at family gatherings. Just wanted to share that with you, I enjoyed it.
Cheers and good luck with your party! Sienna