I found that IF has really effected how I look out myself. Have to admit the way I looked my self before was not good. Now I feel angry with my self. I feel like my body has let me down. Also find my self thinking why hubby is with me when I can not give him a baby.

something that i thought about was a memory of my mother when she had her hystorectomy she was 37 years old.. i remember her crying and saying to me she felt less of a woman, i never understood it at the time as i was young.. only that she would noit have any more children, it didint mattert that she already had 3 of us, it was the whole point of being stripped.
Now going through my own struggle and seeing the struggles of other women - i admit that i feel less than i should be - kind of like its a illness or disease.. a good doctor told me that i had a dis- EASE of life if i felt that way, i dont feel like i dont have a purpose for life but i do feel that i cant contribute to the circle of life and i feel like i am bottom of the class and incapable - its very physcological rather than physical pain.. thats very hard to explain but something is missing

Infertility has affected the way I see myself as, I feel I am stronger and am shocked with how I have learned to cope with all the disappointment infertility brings. But, on the other hand, I am ashamed with how selfish I have become. I also do not like the jealous feelings that overcome me when someone else who is not me announces they are pregnant. So on one hand I am proud of myself for being strong, but ont he otherhand I am ashamed with the unhappy person I have become.

Infertility has increased my awareness of the seriousness of IF. Before I was officially diagnosed, I remember thinking that it wasn't "that big of a deal," because I could just get treatment and get pregnant...no problem. That was before 2 years of treatments with our OBGYN and 3 years with our RE and several failed attempts. Now, I realize that it certainly is a big deal.

I am a much stronger person through this journey. I have become more of an advocate than I thought I would ever be on this issue. I have always been a researcher and this diagnosis has consumed my research efforts from time to time to the point that I feel I can easily judge whether or not my medical providers are truly providing what I need (or have the knowledge to do so). I know more than ever what questions to ask, what to expect and what to say to those who are going through this as well.

I would not say I feel like less of a woman. I really hate to admit it, but I have often been appreciative of the fact that DH and I have never had to use protection with the worry of an "accident" (though I would see it as a huge blessing). The downer is the same. As soon as I have these thoughts, the next that follow are thoughts that it sure would be nice to think it would happen naturally for us, or that we could get pregnant easily like so many others.

I have had moments of feeling "broken," but my DH is AMAZING and has never made me feel like this is my fault. He has been very supportive and assures me on my darkest days that "God has a plan for us." We both want to be parents more than anything and we talk about it all the time, but in spite of that, I always feel like even at the end of this...if we are ultimately not able to get pregnant, he will love me just the same and if we get to that point (which I hope we don't), we'll go down a different path to either be parents some other way or be the best pseudo-parents to friends and family. IF has definitely made our relationship stronger and has helped us to understand each other more than we ever would otherwise.

Before I found out that I have IF I was somewhat introverted, but after my diagnosis, I became more introverted. It's changed me for the worst in my opinion. I used to love being outside, gardening and just enjoying life. Now, I find myself hiding inside, in front of my computer or TV just spacing out and trying to forget my troubles. I've become moodier and angrier too. I've never had normal cycles, but never really thought they'd impede my ability to have a baby. Now that I know something's been wrong with me from puberty, I'm angry with the doctors that refused to listen, I'm angry with my body for not working properly and I'm angry at the world in general for everyone around me having what I cannot have.

How has IF affected the way I see myself:

While I still believe my true, independent, worry-free, vibrant spirit lives on, I've been consumed.

While I typically have the tendency to avoid talking about myself, I have found that through this journey, unfortunately, I feel like I've avoided it even more. While I will have bright and shining moments, like actually talking to my mom, or confiding in my friends, I most often feel silenced- whether it be by myself or others.

To a point, I live in constant fear. Not fear that is explainable to most people. It's more of an irritating fear. A fear of not ever being a mother, a fear of finding out my friends are, a fear of hearing parents complain about their children, a fear of being asked ' do you have kids?'

It's inevitable, and follows me constantly.

I have become consumed.

However, I have also become consumed with hobbies - I am to the point where I feel as though I actually may have TOO MANY HOBBIES. I definitely try to distract myself, and most days, this helps immensely.

I see myself as I always have; patiently impatient. I look back on my life, and everything I truly ever really wanted (like to get married), I had to wait.

I see myself differently every day. Some days optimistic, most days not. I am constantly never the same.

Consistently Inconsistent,

I have found that IF has definitely changed me. Months ago I thought it was for the better, because it would make me that much more appreciative of when I do get pregnant... and that I would cherish it even more. But the struggle to get pregnant has gone on for so long that I'm afraid it has turned me bitter and angry. I am much more negative than I used to me. I wasn't expecting these emotions to become so strong. I have always thought of myself as a happy, positive, supportive person. I don't even feel jealousy anymore, it more like anger when yet another friend announces their pregnancy. I used to just come home and cry - but now that my friends are on their second child, or even done having babies - I am just bitter and angry. I feel like I have been pushing good friends out of my life, b/c I feel like we have nothing in common anymore. So I feel like I've been an isolated person on an island feeling these emotions by myself.

Anyone else feel the same? B/c sometimes I just think I've gone koo-koo.

jdenise I feel the exact same way. You are so not alone. I'm disgusted with how bitter and angry i've become. I'm still extremely jealous, but it comes along with my anger. I worry about what will happen to me and my attitude if I end up never having a child. DH is getting frustrated with my attitude as well. I'll just have to see how it goes...

IF has affected how I see myself: In many areas but mostly when confronted with being around my husbands family becuz my husband has 2 kids with prior relationship. Everyone dotes after those kids, puts them first before me, asks about them before me, includes their mom in situations even though she shows continual disrespectful behavior. So it makes me feel that other women who can reproduce have special privelage over me becuz I cant reproduce. I feel like I dont really have importance in my in laws lives becuz I dont have kids with my husband. Its unbelievably painful becuz its not just a matter of mind over matter. Its in my face whenever I am around them or the kids.

i've been affected both negetively and positively.
im single so i feel as though i do not deserve a good guy, because a good guy deserves a real woman who can give him babies. i started to really drink alot, cause hey, i got no responsibilites in terms of kids to wake up early for. i've stopped though, because that sent me to a very dark place.
on a positive note, i've really become comfortable in my own skin. i enjoy my own company and i've got so many hobbies i enjoy spending time on. i am more charitable with my time and have become more of a free spirit. i like myself.

I have been very angry with myself I just want to know why? At a very young age i had a very strong love for children and wanting to help in all that they do and now for me to not be able to have the one thing ive wanted for so long, and to see others around me get pregnant so easy and fast it just frustrates me.